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8: The Officer
Garen slept fitfully that night. Every couple of hours phantoms – some from his past, some from his imagined future – would creep up on him and whisper in his ears the terrors of years gone by – of that day... Faces of his fallen comrades began to surface in his mind. There were so many... so many dead... Had he survived that awful day only to be the next of them to fall?
"All hands! Brace for impact!" the captain shouted over the ship-wide com, her auburn ponytail waving like a crazy flame of fire about to escape its hearth. "Maximum power to the forward shields!"
"Yes, Captain!" came several replies from around the bridge.
Then came the fateful answer, "The shields were damaged in the last barrage – we've lost them!"
"Impact in ten – nine – eight – seven – six -" the onboard computer began announcing the countdown.
"Gemar hatimah tovah*..." said the captain to those within earshot.
"Three – two – one – "
The front of the bridge exploded inward, sending debris flying all throughout the cabin, ripping through a number of the crew, killing them instantly. Many others crashed to the floor, escaping the shrapnel only to be crushed by falling pieces of the ship.
"Everyone, get out!" shouted the captain – still alive and getting to her feet. "Off the ship!"
The brave woman looked around the bridge and saw the dead – both young and old – who had breathed their last in service to their homeworld...
"Shalom*... my friends..." she whispered to them as the last of the live crewmen almost ran past her, but stopped just on the other side of the threshold.
"My Queen! We must go!"
"Thank you, Krenshaw." the woman nodded to the young man who had stopped for her, "Get Lysis and Frakken. The three of you will survive better together than separately. You are my elite – the best I've ever seen."
"Come with us, Majesty! We can get you out of here."
"No, Garen. I have... unfinished business with the enemy. When that is settled, I will come home." Queen Talonka's eyes blazed with righteous anger. "Contact Admiral Talan and the rest of the fleet."
"Yes... Majesty." Krenshaw turned to obey, but the woman caught his shoulder. He looked back at her.
"Shalom aleikhem*, Garen."
"Aleikhem shalom*, Queen Talonka."
"Now get out of here!" she ordered, pointing down the emptying corridor.
Krenshaw awoke, the memory of that last minute onboard Nepheshel Gamilon still just as vivid as it had been the day it had happened. As long as he lived, Garen would never forget it – not even a thousand years could wipe away the stain of it.
Rea Atid... the day the world had turned upside down... the horror that had changed Gamilon into a world of fear... the day the Guardiana followers had struck their first winning blow... They hadn't just taken their Queen. With Talonka had died the soul of Leader Deun, and the soul of Gamilon itself it seemed...
The soldier shook his head, banishing the depression that had begun to hover over him with the memory.
He looked at the time. Still three hours before what passed for morning onboard ship.
He sighed heavily and rolled out of bed, surrendering to the fact that he would not be getting back to sleep again tonight. He put on his shoes to ward off the cold of space that not even the heating system could mask. Then he sat down in his chair that he had abandoned the night before after his call from Admiral Talan. Maybe now he could actually get some work done.
He spread out his tools in front of him: pen, pencil, computer, sketchbook, and caffeine – his best friend these days. Then he stared at the calculations he had started the night before. And stared. And stared.
"I am never going to finish this..."he mentally bemoaned, shoving the chair back and standing up to pace, arms folded, head bowed.
"Why can't I forget?"he chastised himself, "Why can't I just forget it all and be donewith it?!" He snatched a pillow from the sofa and heaved it across the room. It landed in an anonymous pile of old-fashioned books, sending the top few of them scattering across the cold floor.
Garen sank into the couch and let an angry fist slam into a second helpless pillow.
"Get a grip, Krenshaw!"he chided himself, "You can't let ghosts spook you at every turn."the face of Queen Talonka rose in his mind again, followed by the faces of his brother, his father, his many friends who hadn't come back from that cursed world...
His anger boiled up in him again as he thought about the Bolars – those cowards! And the Malha Guardiana – the worst coward of them all – the one who was responsible for all of this...
Garen roared his wordless frustration into the still-dark room. He hadn't bothered to turn on any lights. His dour mood didn't really mesh well with the warm lamp-light he often worked by.
"At least Dommel and Wolf got out..." the thought brightened his mood slightly, "But where in the universe are they...?"then it darkened again. "If only the world could be the way it was before all of our lives were shattered..."
Dara glared at the buzzing intercom.
It was four in the morning for pity's sake! Was she not even allowed to sleep now?!
"Whatever this is, it had betterbe good!"she fumed as she got out of bed to answer the summons. "What, Malak!? Can't a girl get her sleep around here?" she hissed into the despised black box.
"Oh..." the voice that came over the line was notthat of her boss, "I'm sorry... I didn't think..."
"Garen!" she exclaimed, "Oh, no, please. It's okay. I didn't know it was you."
"I'm sorry to wake you like this..." he fumbled, "I just – I think – I need to tell you about something."
"Okay." she replied, "I don't think I should leave Connie alone. I'll have to get her up and bring her –"
"No, no don't do that. I'll come there."
"Alright." she said, "I'll see you in a few minutes then."
With that the intercom went quiet once again.
Not three minutes later – he must have run at least half of the way to her quarters – he was knocking on her door.
She gave him permission to enter and the door opened for him. He stumbled in looking drained. The dark circles around his eyes, his clammy looking skin, and the glaze that was over his eyes said that he either had not slept well, or he had not slept at all.
"What is so troubling that it causes you to lose sleep?" she asked as he sat down in a chair she had pulled up on the other side of the small table she kept in her quarters.
"Ah..." he sighed, accepting a mug of something hot that Dara handed to him, "Just a few ghosts that sneak up on me now and then..." he said, trying to draw her attention away from his obviously spooked state.
Dara shrugged, taking a sip of her own steaming drink. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"I... I..." he looked down as if ashamed, "I asked Constance... something."
Dara scrunched her eyebrows together. "Is that a crime? Because if it is, I'm not aware of it."
"I think it may have been... at least in your eyes."
"Now you have me worried, Garen. Surely whatever you asked her was not so terrible. She would have told me if it was." she tried to peer into Krenshaw's downturned face.
He risked looking up at Dara, "I ask her about – him. Her father." He braced himself for her response, expecting to be slapped or yelled at, or perhaps even have a few obscenities thrown at him. Instead, all he got was silence. In some ways it scared him more than the violence he had anticipated.
Dara's face remained unreadable.
"And I assume she told you."
"She did."
Dara looked away, "You went behind my back." her voice was icy. "You used my child to find out something I had already told you was none of your busine –"
"I'm sorry!" he interjected. "Please... try to understand. There's just something about you – I had to know."
Dara took a deep breath and let it out again. She repeated this several times, looking like she was going to cry.
"How could you...?" she finally asked in a harsh whisper. "How could you bring my shame back to me this way...?" tears started to run down her cheeks.
"Dara, it wasn't your fault." Garen reached out towards her, but she pulled away.
"How is it not my fault? I never tried to stop him. I was quite happy to be what I was."
"You didn't know any better..." he said, "How old were you...?"
"Fourteen..." she whispered, covering her face in shame.
"Oh Dara.." Garen got out of his chair and came around to the woman. Kneeling down beside her, he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her face. "No fourteen-year-old – no child at all – should ever have to be in such a position."
"You – you don't hate me...? You don't think I'm despicable?"
"No, Dara. I could never think such a thing."
She took a shaky breath, "You shouldn't have gone behind my back that way."
"I know. And I'm sorry..." he apologized again, "Please, forgive me."
"Alright," she sniffed, swiping at her tears with the hand Garen didn't have. "But don't ever do it again. If you want to know something, just ask me..."
"I promise." he nodded and squeezed her hand before letting it go and standing up. He put a hand on Dara's shoulder. "You have your own ghosts, don't you...?"
Dara nodded, "I guess we do have something in common after all."
Garen sat back down in his chair. "Sometimes the past can be the worst enemy of them all..."
"Yes." Dara nodded, "It can... Especially when you don't knowyour past."
"What?" Garen asked.
"It – It's all a blur... I can't remember anything before I was placed in his'care.' I was only seven at the time, but the years before that... I just – I can't remember." she cried. "And what I can't remember haunts me more than those years on Gatlantis ever could. At least I knowwhat happened there." she let her head sink into her folded arms, blocking out the soft light from the lamps she had turned on in the little alcove, and hiding her face from Garen again.
"Dara, please don't." he pleaded, trying to untangle her arms. "Maybe it will all come back to you someday – when you're ready to face whatever it is you can't remember now." he tried to console her. "There are a lot of things I wish Icould forget..."
"What could be so horrible that you would want so badly to forget it?" she asked, her words muffled by her arms.
Garen didn't reply. The silence prompted Dara to peek up over the lip of her hiding place behind her forearms. "Are you... Are you crying?" she asked in amazement.
"I weep for those whom I have lost... All the ones I left back on Jirel that day..."
Dara gasped. "Oh Garen. I didn't know... I'm soso sorry... It must have been terrible."
"More terrible than you could ever understand." he said, "I died that day. I think we all did, whether or not our bodies were killed. Our souls were scarred for life – an eternal reminder of Rea Atid was branded on our spirits."
"I heard about that day." Dara whispered. "It happened a few weeks after Connie and I left Gatlantis. We saw some of the survivors once. They looked like they wanted to die..."
"That's because they did want to die. We all did."
"So what made you want to live again?"
"We were all separated after we were rescued from Jirel, scattered around the GRN. I guess so that there wouldn't be too many chronically depressed crew on one ship at the same time. We saw each other once in a while – when our ships came in contact with one another. Then came the Marad. A number of us were sent back to Gamilon. We got there just in time to interrupt a group of zealots who had gotten through the palace guard and were about to kill the Leader.
"We stopped the uprising, but not without losing even more of our fellow soldiers. One in particular, Wolf Frakken, was lost. We never knew what happened to him. His body was never found."
"I heard about the Marad." said Dara, "By that time I was already working for the Captain and Malak. The passengers talked about the uprising all the time. Sometimes I think people liketalking about tragedy."
Garen nodded, "Indeed... If only they knew..." he sighed, then continued. "After that, a man named Raymond Talan – one of my superior officers – tracked down those of us who had survived both Rea Atid and the Marad. He knew what we were going through – the torture it was for us to live every day with those memories. He knew because he had been there too, right along side us, and we respected him for it.
"We became his soldiers – the Etzuvim* they called us. But it gave me a sense of purpose to be with those who understood me and what I had been through.
"The Admiral talked a lot about Adonai. Some of the men believed what he said, but most of us didn't really put much stock in it. I mean, it was fine for them, but it just wasn't for the rest of us. "
"He spoke of Adonai?" Dara asked. "I thought only Kohanim* talked about Him."
"How do you know about Kohanim?" Garen asked. "The Cometines don't have them."
Dara thought for a moment, "I – I don't know. Maybe I picked it up from some of the passengers over the years."
Garen nodded, "Well, as the years went by, all of the still-living Etzuvim distinguished themselves in a field of their choice. This resulted in our scattering once again. We were sent out to all corners of the known universe with tasks pertaining to our special skills – all except one of us who was sent into hiding for reasons we were never told."
"Did you ever ask?" she replied.
"I tried once." Garen said, "I even asked the Admiral, but all he did was look at me. Then he said, 'Garen, I would tell you if I could. I know he's your friend, but the best thing you can do for him right now is to keep his whereabouts a secret. The best way for you to do that is to not know anything.' I persisted, asking him why. I'll never forget what he said to me... 'Kiy birb hakmah, rab-kia'eas; vyevsyep diaeat, yevsyep makavb.' [For in much wisdom is much vexation; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. ]"
"So he was sent away because he knew something he wasn't supposed to?"
"So it would seem..."
"But I don't understand... What would your friend know that no one else would?"
"I don't know, Dara... But I think that, in light of some recent events, that I need to find out."
"'Recent events'? What recent events?" Dara asked, suddenly becoming very tense.
"My homeworld is in trouble, Dara." he looked into the woman's eyes thoughtfully and after a moment he said, "Can I trust you with something? Something that might mean my life if it got around to the wrong people?"
Dara looked at him, stunned. "You've only known me for a few days. How can you be so sure that I won't do something terrible with whatever you want to tell me?"
"I just know." he replied.
Dara took a deep breath, "Than tell me, Garen. I promise to guard it with my life."
Garen gave her a wan smile, nodded, and began.
"So what are you going to do now...?" Dara asked when Krenshaw had finished.
"Go on to Galera as I had planned, I suppose – like Admiral Talan said. He's never failed me before; and I trust him not to fail me now." said Garen, "I have to find this Eliora woman."
Dara looked at him, "That's the second time you've mentioned that name... It seems familiar somehow. Like I've heard it before, or maybe met someone with a similar name. You said she's somewhere on Gamilon?"
"Yes. I'll have to find her when I get there though. Admiral Talan didn't give me anything specific, not yet anyway." Garen thought for a second. "Dara..."
"Yes...?" she asked hesitantly.
"I know I asked you to come and see Galera with me, but I'd like for you to come all the way back home with me too – to Gamilon. Help me help my world. Will you?"
"But, what about my job? My daughter?" Dara asked.
"It'll be a change." Garen admitted.
The young woman looked away, her eyes traveling around her humble home. She saw the sparse furniture, the mostly-clean floor, the second-hand possessions. Then she saw the door leading to her daughter's small corner of the living quarters. She looked down at her clothes – old, but still in good condition. What did she have to offer her child here? What opportunity was there for Constance?
She took a deep breath, "Do you promise me that Connie will be safe?"
"As much as is in my power, I promise." he replied.
"Then..." she pursed her lips, "we'll come with you."
Garen couldn't help himself. He smiled, "Thank you!" he reached out and took her hands in his.
"Do we still get to see Galera?" the innocent voice interrupted the moment.
"Connie!" Dara whipped around in her chair, taking her hands back. "What are you doing up, neshamah sheli*?"
"Oh, I just heard you talking." she yawned and rubber her eyes sleepily.
"Go back to bed." Dara directed.
"So are we still going to Galera?" the little girl persisted.
Before her mother could say anything Garen said, "Yes, we are."
The little girl's face lit up and she scurried over the lieutenant throwing her arms around his waist. "Thank you, Mr. Krenshaw!"
"You don't have to thank me, Connie, but you're welcome."
* Gemar hatimah tovah – a greeting, "A propitious final sealing to you in the Book of Life."
* Shalom – Literally "peace," also used as a greeting, "Good-bye"
* Shalom aleikhem – greeting, "Peace to you."
* Aleikhem shalom – response to Shalom aleikhem, "To you, peace."
* Etzuvim – literally "sads"; used here to mean "Sad Ones"
* Kohanim – priests of God
* Neshamah sheli – term of endearment, literally, "my soul"