Derek Wildstar plodded down the planet Galman's empty palace halls. Windows lined the wall to his left, looking out over the pristine capital of this empire's throne-world. Outside, he could see the devastation left in the wake of the galactic collision. Reconstruction was still underway, but there was still a lot left to be done.
He looked away from the battered city.
The light in the halls was dim. It almost reminded him of one of the old hotels on Earth where the lights were operated by dimmer switches. The wall lamps glowed softly with golden light.
He sighed and stopped walking for a moment.
As soon as he stopped moving, he was rewarded with wails of protest.
"Hitomi," he tried to soothe his newborn daughter, "I can't walk all night."
The little girl sniffled, her large, brown, teary eyes staring up at him for a second before she squeezed them shut and started wailing again.
Derek blinked away the sleep in his eyes and started walking again. As soon as he took the first few steps, the baby stopped crying.
Deciding that peace was more necessary than sleep, he trekked on, winding his way down the palace tower, periodically gazing out at the city below. Once in a while he passed one of the night guards. They nodded to him as he passed, seeming indifferent to the presence of the infant.
They hadn't been on Galman for very long, a few days. He was still getting used to being part of the minority here with his light tan skin. The vast majority of the population wore shades ranging from sky-blue all the way to cobalt.
Despite the difference in skin tone, he didn't feel out of place here. Earth was his home, but Galman called to him in a way that Earth never could. After the Argo's brief stay three years ago, he confided in his wife - fiancée at the time - that he wanted very much to return sometime in the future.
She agreed with him. He would never forget the light in Nova's eyes when he made the suggestion. Their return was delayed by the coming of the water-world Aquarius. What an encounter that was.
He was glad they were finally back. This world was different now, its people happier. And though they'd gone through such catastrophe in recent years, the Galmans remained stalwart and undaunted.
Derek looked away from the city again and caught a glimpse of something farther down the hall. At least thirty feet ahead, the wall to his right fell away, replaced by a gigantic glass pane, and to his left, the windows disappeared.
Curious, Derek picked up the pace just a bit, but not too much, for fear of waking Hitomi again. He came to the glass barrier, and his eyes widened as he looked through it. The sight that met his eyes was a welcome one.
Here, in the heart of the palace grew a magnificent garden. Derek could only see a small portion of it, but he peered down the hall and noted that the glass extended far down the sloped corridor.
Not daring to stand still for too long, he followed the glass. On the next floor down, he found a break in the pane. An inviting arch opened, allowing him entrance.
Derek took a hesitant step over the threshold and onto a path walled on either side by thick trees and bushes. Cautiously, he took a few more steps inside. As he walked, he looked up. The trees covered the path, protecting it from prying eyes.
Though darkness had fallen outside, in here, there glowed a golden light, soft and welcoming. It was not bright enough to lighten every shadow, but it was more than sufficient to see by.
As Derek trekked farther down the trail, he listened. He didn't hear any insects, or birds, only the soft padding of his feet on the earthen path.
He walked for several minutes without seeing anything of consequence, but then he came to a fork in the path. He peered down each branch, wondering if they lead to the same destination, or if the roads ultimately diverged.
Deciding it didn't matter, he chose the right fork and started down it.
As he walked, he began to notice thick patches of flowers growing on the ground next to the path and hanging from the trees. He stopped and reached out to touch a familiar white rose.
He jerked back and hissed as its thorns nicked his fingers. He pressed his bleeding thumb and forefinger to an old handkerchief in his pocket.
When the bleeding stopped he carefully reached out again and cupped the lovely bloom in his hand. Without plucking it, he reached up to smell its perfume.
A heavy musk, tinged with citrus flooded his senses and a feeling of peace lingered in the wake of the scent.
Hitomi began to stir in his arms, and he reluctantly withdrew from the rose, continuing on down the path.
Several minutes later, his ears perked up as he heard the trickling of a fountain somewhere up ahead. He rounded a corner and, instead of thickly-trunked trees, walls of groomed shrubs sectioned off the path inside the garden.
Following the sound of the water, Derek wove his way through several sections of the maze. He turned one last corner and found himself staring into a clearing. The same glowing gold light settled over the area, though here it was a bit dimmer.
In the center of the clearing, bubbling up from the ground rose a small spring, its clear water streaming over a small pile of rocks and flowing out into another part of the garden.
At the other end of the clearing stood a thriving sapling, its branches not nearly as tall or proud as the great oaks guarding this place, but it was well on its way to becoming a proper tree.
Beneath its bows, there sat a man, his back against the tree-trunk, and his head bowed. He sat with one leg outstretched and the other bent at the knee.
Derek peered into the shadows, curious. He took a few steps closer, and finally recognized the silhouette.
His boot scraped over a few pebbles and the man under the tree sat up straight and turned his head toward Wildstar.
"I see you have found this place," the man said, rising to his feet.
"I didn't even know this was here," Derek replied, taking a few more steps forward.
"Few do," came the reply.
"I saw the roses," Derek stepped over to a stone bench next to the spring and sat down to rest his weary feet.
"I keep them in remembrance of… her." The man took two steps out of the shadows.
"Are you sure that's wise, Desslok," Derek replied, gently rocking Hitomi as he spoke.
The blue-skinned Leader's hair glowed red-gold in the low light, and his eyes held great sadness, "Erats has used the white rose to symbolize many things, if I am not mistaken... Death being one of them."
"Yes," Derek looked down at his baby daughter, "That's one meaning we give it on Earth."
Desslok stepped farther away from the tree and approached the spring. He knelt down beside the water. As he reached out, his cloak fell back down over his shoulder and across his chest. He scooped up a handful of water and stared into it for a moment before letting it seep through his fingers.
He ran his wet hand over his face before standing back up. "Nights are longer as of late."
Derek chuckled, "Yeah, I know the feeling."
"Ruling an empire is a task I know I can fulfill," Desslok said, "but I do not wish to do it alone forever."
Derek nodded, but said nothing. How could he answer such an old wound? This man had loved… and lost. No words could fill that void, and no trite sentiment on his part would serve to sooth any of the sting brought back by memory.
Finally Derek managed, "And Adina?"
Desslok shook his head slowly, "I have made her a promise which I fully intend to keep, but every night, in the hours before the dawn, I wonder if I can keep it…"
"Have you thought about getting rid of them? The roses I mean," Derek suggested.
Desslok sighed and closed his eyes, reaching up to rub away some of his fatigue, "They are but the manifestation of a memory, Derek Wildstar. To cut them down would be useless. I will still remember. The true dilemma lies not in what grows in the soil, but what still lives in my soul." Galman's ruler looked at Derek with troubled eyes, "Would it not be better for that last vestige of her to die? Would it not be more merciful if I could forget?"
Derek thought about the question, conflicted over the answer. He did not know what to say to the man.
Desslok shook his head sadly, "I could never abandon her memory. Though a thousand stars fall, and though a hundred worlds decay and die, her face shall never leave my thoughts, nor her love my remembrance," Desslok turned away from Wildstar.
Silence fell between the two men and, absently, Derek stopped rocking Hitomi.
Seconds later the little girl started to wail. Derek tried to shush her, rocking her back and forth. When that didn't work, he stood and started pacing around the clearing, but no matter what he did, Hitomi wouldn't stop crying.
Finally, he stopped pacing, resigned to the baby's wailing. Without a glance back at Galman's Emperor, Derek started back toward the exit, not wanting to disturb the man any more, but no sooner had he gone five steps than he felt a gloved hand on his shoulder.
He looked back to find Desslok holding out an open hand toward Hitomi.
Shocked, Derek slowly handed his daughter over to the other man.
The little girl continued to cry as Galman's Leader took her.
"I know, little one," Desslok said in his own language as he looked down at the child, "Peace is not a thing so easily found." Carefully, with Hitomi tucked in the crook of his left arm, the Leader pulled off and pocketed the glove that hid his marked left hand.
Derek looked on with wide eyes as the man continued to talk with his daughter.
"I do not know what it is that troubles you, but I find my own heart heavy with the absence of one whom I love most dearly, and will never see again," Desslok said.
Hitomi stopped wailing, and instead sniffled, her eyes still glassy with tears.
"I have promised to enter a union with a woman I do not love, but who is an appropriate choice to be my queen," the Leader continued, as Derek listened, wearily translating what Desslok was saying, "I cannot reconcile with myself. I find everything I do is ruled by sorrow, but," he took a breath, then continued, "though my heart is torn in two, there is but the barest hint of hope left in me, and it fights to be heard every moment."
Hitomi whimpered, but did not cry.
In the short silence, Derek could hear the whisper of the spring and the stillness that embraced this tiny hiding place.
The Leader stole a glance back at Derek, then said to the girl, "I suggest you let your father get some sleep. I'm sure he needs it, as do you."
Derek watched as Hitomi yawned, stretched her little arms, and closed her big brown eyes before curling up close to the man holding her. Without another sound, she fell asleep.
Desslok did not hand the girl back right away. "She has her mother's face," with a careful finger, he brushed Hitomi's jet-black hair back behind her ear, "and her father's tenacity."
"Sometimes I wish she had a bit more of Nova's quiet charm," Derek muttered.
"I think not," Desslok replied, "This one has a bit more spirit to her than most."
A weary smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He never thought he would stand as a friend with the man who nearly destroyed Earth, much less hand the man his newborn daughter.
"I think it's safe to say she likes you more than most," Derek ventured.
Desslok sighed, "She is tired."
Derek shook his head, "We can barely keep her quiet most nights. I'm surprised security hasn't shown up at our door by now."
"Your walls are sound-proof," came the simple answer.
"Oh," Derek muttered sheepishly.
Desslok watched the sleeping baby a few moments more, then slowly held her out for her father to take back, "If she chooses to return to Galman someday, she is welcome. I only hope that, by then, I shall have an answer to the question that plagues me."
"I'm sure she'll appreciate that offer when she's old enough to understand it," Derek replied, taking his daughter in his arms again.
When the Galman Leader let her go, Hitomi's eyes cracked open for a moment, and Derek froze, but she didn't wake.
"I hope you find sleep to be more companionable than I have this night," Desslok bid Wildstar farewell.
Derek started towards the exit, but just before he reached it, he looked back, "You'll have the answer you need when the time comes."
Desslok looked away from Wildstar and, without answering, slowly returned to his tree and sat back down beneath it.
Derek started out again. He yawned, and fought back the urge to sit down and sleep right where he was. In less than half an hour, he found his way back out of the garden.
When he stepped over the threshold out into the palace halls, the change in his surroundings was so stark he felt like he'd just stepped through a jump gate.
He sighed and began the long trek back up to his and his wife's guest suite.
The way was still dimly lit, and he saw even fewer night patrols than before. Some of them nodded to him, but most simply passed him.
Finally, he opened the suite door and stepped inside. It hissed softly as it shut.
He managed to slip off his shoes using only his feet, and his footsteps padded softly over the warm floor.
The door to the bedroom opened to him.
Derek's eyes drooped and he blinked them open as he settled Hitomi down into her crib.
He held his breath as he let her go, expecting the little girl to protest the absence of his body heat, but no such objection came. Instead, he watched as Hitomi lay in peaceful sleep.
Derek undressed as quietly as he could manage and slipped into bed beside his wife.
The feel of the sheets was slightly different than the ones on their bed back home. These were thicker and smoother. They held in the heat well and in the few nights they'd been here, he hadn't once gotten cold. Back home he often felt the midnight chill creep in through the windows.
Nova, on the other hand tended to toss off the covers sometime in the middle of the night.
Settling his head into the headrest, he let it form to the side of his face. It was an odd sensation, feeling the solid mass changing shape, but he'd gotten used to it.
Nova's back was to him, so he wrapped an arm around her, hugging her gently before letting go, turning over and drifting off to sleep.
The ringing alarm bit into his deep slumber and Derek cracked open his eyes. He didn't want to get up. His arms ached from holding the baby for so long last night and he just wanted to close his eyes again and sleep until noon.
Reluctantly, he stretched under the covers, reveling in the warmth for another minute before dragging himself up out of bed. His bare feet thudded on the soft floor as he headed for the bathroom with bleary eyes.
He stared at himself in the mirror, still prying himself out of his sleep-fog.
He ran a hand through his short, brown hair, ruffling it worse than it already was. Deciding to give up on his appearance for the moment, he ran the water until it was hot enough to wake him up, then he slipped off his clothes and stepped into the shower.
Heat washed over him in a welcoming cloud.
He took a deep breath. The water smelled different here than it did back on Earth, more sanitized.
He opened his eyes and stared down at his feet, watching the water roll by them. He looked up. The deep green walls stared back at him with disinterest.
He started to reach for his soap, but his eye caught his wife's. He picked up the elegant bottle and smiled as he noticed for the first time the name of the scent she liked, "Forever Spring." He popped open the top and squeezed a drop out into his palm.
He took in a whiff of it, holding in the scent as long as he could. He hadn't been close to Nova for any length of time in the past couple of weeks, mostly because her time now revolved around Hitomi.
"I just want…" he whispered into the stream of water, "To be with you again, like I could before the baby came."
He closed his eyes, picturing all the good times he and Nova shared over the years: that first journey all the way out to Iscandar and back, the fight with the world-ship Gatlantis, the Dark Nebulan threat, the Bolar conflicts… Aquarius. Their time together had rushed by without him even noticing.
He could still remember the first time he saw Nova. He chuckled at the memory. He and his friend Mark were just coming back from a posting on Mars. They were at Central Hospital, taking routine tests and exams before they headed for their next assignments.
Then he'd seen her, walking down the hall towards him, completely oblivious to his staring. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her white dress and boots were crisp and fresh and her hair was perfect, even though he knew she'd been running around the hospital all day.
Her eyes shone like stars, and their sparkle hadn't dimmed with years, if anything, the time lent a depth to them, which made their beauty all the more radiant.
He opened his eyes, clicked the bottle shut and set it down, this time grabbing the soap.
He scrubbed away all remaining thoughts of sleep, though his wife still lingered in his mind and her scent in the humid air.
He felt like he wasn't doing enough for her. She was always so tired, and he'd caught her crying more than once since their daughter's birth.
He washed his hair, lathering up the shampoo so much he was sure he looked like a mutant snowball. He closed his eyes against the sting of the shampoo. In a moment of forgetfulness, he reached out to find his wife so he didn't run into her, but instead of her soft skin, he felt only air, and remembered that he was alone.
He leaned back into the water and let it flow over him, rinsing away every last bit of soap, but none of the nagging loneliness.
He turned off the water and reached for the towel hanging a couple of feet outside the shower. He snagged it easily and quickly dried off before heading back into the bedroom to get ready for the day.
As he stepped out of the bathroom he heard Hitomi's wails and Nova's soft voice as she tried to sooth the little girl. He slipped on his pants and a shirt, expecting the baby to stop crying any second, but no matter how many things his wife tried, Hitomi would not stop.
He rubbed his tired eyes and stepped out of the bedroom, heading straight for his wife and upset child.
"Here," he offered, reaching out to take the baby.
Tears rolled down Nova's cheeks as she handed Hitomi over to him. Her unkempt blonde hair looked like she hadn't brushed it, and the red circles around her eyes betrayed how long she'd been crying.
"She just –" Nova choked, "won't stop crying, Derek. I don't know what else to do."
"It's alright," Derek secured the baby in the crook of his arm and settled down next to Nova on the giant couch in the suite's living area. "Hey…" he pulled his wife over to him with his other arm, letting her head rest on his shoulder, "you don't have to cry."
At this Nova sobbed all the more, fueling Hitomi's distress and sending her wailing into piercing screams.
Derek held his daughter close, praying silently that she would give them just the barest bit of peace. Then something came to him.
"'He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty,'" Derek began, but instead of English, or his own first language, Japanese, he said it in Galman.
The room went silent, and Hitomi opened her eyes and stared at her father.
"'I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress,'" he continued. The baby's eyes never left him as he finished the entire Psalm. "It's the sound of the language," he whispered to Nova in English.
"What?" she sniffed, wiping her tears.
"I – I'll tell you about it later, but she likes hearing Galman. Last night she fell asleep listening to it."
"She… did…?" Nova sniffled as she wiped her face with a tissue.
"She did," Derek hugged his wife closer and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Nova let out a shaky sigh filled with relief. She reached out, stroked her daughter's pink cheek and tapped her tiny nose with exhausted affection.
She leaned away from Derek and sat up on the couch.
"You should go take some time for yourself…?" he reached out and caught her hand, weaving his fingers through hers.
"Will you be okay without me? What if something happens? Or you get called in to a meeting? Or –"
Derek let go of her hand and laid a silencing finger over her lips, "Go. We'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"You'll only be in the next room," he assured her, "I'll come get you if we need anything."
"Alright…" she surrendered, slowly leaving the couch with not a few backward glances.
Once Nova disappeared into the bedroom, Derek looked down at Hitomi, "Well, kid, it's just you and me for a while. You wanna do anything?"
Hitomi yawned and gurgled at the question.
"Want to try watching something? I'm sure they've got at least one interesting program on," Derek took out his comm unit and opened the compatibility application that allowed him to sync his device with the suite. He could change the temperature, turn the lights on and off, open the doors, almost anything he wanted without moving an inch.
He looked at a listing of what was currently playing on a few of the major channels: news, some kind of paid programming about an appliance he couldn't identify, a kids' show featuring something akin to a lion and a dragon, more news, and a documentary about a nearby asteroid belt.
He looked at his comm, then at Hitomi and sighed. He tapped his selection.
The feed materialized about six feet in front of the couch and Derek nearly jumped as a hearty roar sounded throughout the entire living area.
He hastily turned down the volume just before another sound thundered in his ears. He looked around wide-eyed, trying to figure out what it was, then the music started and an animated version of one of the great lion-cats of Galman's savannah regions leapt into view quickly followed by his draconic companion, a stately indigo-scaled drake.
The title, which roughly translated to something like, "Earth and Sky," came across as idiomatic, so he wasn't entirely sure of the accuracy of his translation.
After the opening sequence, he realized he'd been thrown into the first episode of the series. The show explained how the lion-cat and the dragon became friends and began their adventures together as the defenders of their world. It was an interesting story and Derek found himself drawn in. As the broadcast was in Galman, Hitomi didn't cry once during the twenty-minute installment. She was so quiet that he started to worry about her and looked down to see her sound asleep.
The episode ended and a message popped up, giving Derek several options. The same choices appeared on his comm. He stopped the broadcast and the feed disappeared.
Putting away his comm, he stood up, careful not to wake the baby. He took her to her crib in the bedroom and laid her down. She didn't even stir as he let go of her.
He sat down on the bed. The water was still running in the adjoining bathroom.
It was at times like this that he wished he could talk to his father; ask advice. He felt completely inadequate for this role. He turned his eyes over to his baby daughter and the weight of his new reality tumbled down on him.
He was the captain of the foremost space battleship in the Earth Defense Forces, the Argo. Seeing her and her crew through journeys, wars, and conflicts had forged in him unprecedented mettle, but when Hitomi was born, he realized he had no idea what he was doing. He could face down at enemy fleet without a second thought, dive into a nest of hostiles without blinking, but this… Every day he felt the urge to give in to his fear.
He stood up again and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Ouch!" he jerked his right hand back out, as a jolt of pain shot through it. He held it up to the light to examine it, trying to figure out what caused the sting.
A small smear of red topped his index finger and he remembered the rose from the night before. The weight of the world rested on the petals of that one tiny flower. It was the last thing the Queen of Iscandar sent to Desslok before her death. When the galactic collision hit Galman full-force and they all thought Desslok dead, Derek left a white rose here in the palace in remembrance of him.
Every day since Starsha of Iscandar's death Derek knew Desslok wished he'd been a different man – a better one.
Derek leaned over Hitomi's crib again and watched her peaceful face as she slept. What regrets would he have when she was grown and gone? Would he, like Desslok, wish he'd done more?
He sank back onto the nearby bed and, with weary heart let every doubt he'd ever had about becoming a husband or father rise to the top of his mind.
The booming voice of question after question thundered through him so that, even in the quiet room, there was no peace.
He'd battled many of these questions before. Some bouts he'd won, and others… hadn't ended well.
His troubled thoughts cast a thick web of gloom over him, and the more he tried to free himself from it, the more entangled he became.
He was so mired in his thoughts that he didn't even see his wife come out of the bathroom or feel the bed move when she sat down.
Loving arms wrapped around him, tearing away the matted strands of self-doubt.
"I couldn't do this without you, Derek," Nova laid her head on his shoulder. Her warmth spread over him, chasing away his dark thoughts.
"I wish I could do more…" he said quietly so as not to disturb Hitomi.
"You already do so much," she reached up and gently turned his face towards her. Without another word she leaned in and kissed him. "I haven't had time to adjust yet, and I'm sorry everything's been so…different," Nova looked into his eyes and her face grew concerned, "You look worried."
Derek took a deep breath and sighed, hugging his wife closer, "Sometimes I just don't know if I can be who she needs me to be."
"Well, I do know," Nova replied, sitting up straight to look him in the face. "You've always been there for me when I needed you, and you've been there for so many others – every one of your crew will attest to that." She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him again, this time he could feel her lending him every bit of courage she could muster. "You'll be exactly who she needs you to be."
With those words, he felt a wave of confidence wash over him, and in its wake remained only the certainty that a long and wonderful journey lay ahead of him, and that his dear wife would walk beside him every step of the way.
Author's Note: Written for fanfiction.net's WA One-Word Prompt Challenge, using the word "questioning."