ALTERNATE TALES OF THE STAR FORCE

STAR BLAZERS---IT NEVER RAINS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA…

A Postscript to THE NEW COMET--- BY: Frederick P. Kopetz

This Story is being completed with the Cooperation and Assistance of Derek A.C. Wakefield (as usual)---Freddo

PART FOUR: TRIAL

 

I. A TRIAL ENDS

Earth

The Tokyo Megalopolis

Earth Defense Headquarters

Friday, April 1, 2208

1000 Hours Local Time

 

 

More time had passed.

 

Bryan Hartcliffe’s trial was adjourned until the previous day, which was the 31st. After his performance in Court on the 23rd, the Court had ordered him confined and held until the proper guards and equipment could be spared to hold Hartcliffe in a holding cage not far from the courtroom with an unbreakable one-way monitor in the cage. Also, a defense attorney was appointed for him after a psychiatrist had reported that Hartcliffe could not be considered competent enough to orchestrate his own defense any longer. These arrangements and motions and side motions took time. So, the Court finally convened again on the 31st, without Hartcliffe, with him held in the cell as his defense attorney, a Lieutenant Fujiko Inoue (another woman, an arrangement that Hartcliffe really loved) presented the final evidence for their sides, and presented the last evidence in a sane, efficient manner, and finally wrapped up except for closing arguments on the early afternoon of the 31st after Lt. Inoue had presented a motion to quash the trial but to have Hartcliffe held as “not guilty, but criminally insane, to be mandated under Article 75B to indefinite treatment under confinement and dismissal from the EDF under Section Eight.” The former pilot had heard that, and he went berserk like an ape in his cell, screaming so loudly that his screams were heard in the courtroom.

 

The Court-Martial Board adjourned, and deliberated over Hartcliffe’s psych file for two hours. When Conroy, Voorhees, Henson and the Admiral came back, they denied Lieutenant Inoue’s motion to quash, and asked both sides to present their closing arguments. That was done by 1600, so they adjourned again to reconvene the next day to consider a verdict.

 

As a result, Hartcliffe was back in Court the next day at 0800 Hours, slightly sedated, but in his full Black Tiger uniform and blue peacoat with all of his medals and decorations and shaved for the first time in days, seated with his hands cuffed between two very big, burly Space Marines in the dock. Through his glasses, he looked out at the prosecutor, Lieutenant Schmidt, as she sat impassively at her table holding some papers. Across from her, her colleague, Lieutenant Inoue, made some notes on a laptop and sighed to herself. This defendant has been one of the biggest idiots I have ever worked with, she said to herself. I presented an Article 75B for him, because he would not plead guilty to lesser charges as I had almost set it up for him. Had he done that, he would have been busted to Ensign but been out of jail in 11 months and back with his family, sans his wings, but with a career left. Neither escape hatch worked. So, I am about to throw this…client…to the Mercy of the Court. Good luck. Because he deserves no mercy, especially with an attitude like his…

 

Bryan then looked out at his former shipmates. Hardy sat there with his heavily pregnant wife, and Deke Wakefield also sat there with Sasha, who was still in an identical condition. Angie sat there with his cousin Clive, talking quietly. Eager sat there with Dash, and Sandor sat there with young Orion and with some of the other Black Tigers. Finally, Venture sat with Holly, and the two Wildstars sat together. All of them sat there in their full Star Force uniforms, and all of them looked very grim.

 

Finally, the bailiff snapped, “ALL RISE!” and the Court-Martial Board marched into the courtroom in one file behind Admiral Dykins. Dykins rang the traditional ship’s bell before him with one rap of his gavel and said, “All of you will be seated except for the Defendant.”

 

The Courtroom went silent as Admiral Dykins looked right at Hartcliffe and said, “Lieutenant Inoue, rise.”

 

The young EDF Attorney stood while Admiral Dykins said, “Mister Hartcliffe, I want to let you know that we have come to a verdict in your case. Our verdict was unanimous. However, I want to let you know that we are prepared to quash our own judgment if you will accept the following bargain. Young man, you have a wife and child in this room. Consider them.”

 

“No, I bloody don’t, sir.”

 

“Excuse me?” said Dykins.

 

“She’s disowned me. Bloody disowned me!”

 

“That’s not necessarily true if you’d choose to get yourself clean!” screamed Angie. Hartcliffe turned to stare down his wife with a venomous stare, and Dykins clanged his bell for order.

 

“Mrs. Hartcliffe, while I understand the circumstances, please hold the peace with this man,” said Dykins. “We have a legal proceeding to conclude, and as I note, you are still a military officer in the uniform of the First Star Force,” he snapped. “Therefore, I order you to keep your peace!”

 

“Yessir,” she said, bowing her head as fresh tears ran. She had recently been edging in her heart towards a difficult but necessary decision, both for her own peace and safety as well as for that of her son. Bryan, she thought. Let’s see how you answer now. Admit your guilt, and drop that attitude, and you might get a last chance. Just admit to the Court and me you were wrong, and maybe, just maybe, we can start again. Maybe. I don’t know yet. I know what Nova’s told me, I know what Diane’s told me, I know what Sasha and Dawn have told me, and I even know what Katrina, who is not here today because she is on assignment, has told me. All of you could be wrong, if he gets on his knees…and….

 

Dykins looked at Hartcliffe and said, “Mister Hartcliffe, for the sake of clemency and your prior record as a Star Force member, we are prepared to drop our judgment against the greater charges you are on trial for if you will but plead guilty to simple assault. If you will plead guilty to that offense, the other charges, as we reiterate, will be dropped, and you will be sentenced to eleven months of confinement, administrative removal of your pilots’ wings, and reduction in grade to Ensign, to be given an administrative post in Headquarters and mandatory alcohol counseling in a day facility upon your release. Will you accept this offer?”

 

The Court went silent as Hartcliffe stood in thought. Finally, he stared at the Court and said, “To hell with all of ya! I’m not guilty of crap! This was all some conspiracy by Angie and Nova and Sasha to have me screwed over! Screw off! This is Good Friday, and it’s fittin’ that today is the day you choose ta crucify me!”

 

Then, Hartcliffe tried to spit on the floor. Admiral Dykins banged his bell twice and had the Marines drag Hartcliffe back with a single gesture. Then, he stood.

 

“Very well, then! This Court unanimously finds you guilty as charged of the following offenses! To wit, you have been found guilty of: Felonious assault upon a superior officer in the First Degree, three counts! Insubordination in the First Degree, four counts! Spousal Abuse in the First Degree, two counts. Assault upon an indivividual with Felonious Intent to cause Deadly Harm in the First Degree, one count. Assault upon an Unborn Person with Intent to Murder, one count. You have been found guilty of eleven felony offenses. You have also been found guilty of one misdemeanor offense of Contempt of Court. Having been found guilty of eleven felony offenses and one misdemeanor, this Court sentences you to ceremonial expulsion from the Star Force, reduction in rank to Recruit Private E-1, the loss of all pay, privileges, pension benefits, and decorations, and imprisonment at Hard Military Labor in the outer Minerva Asteroid Belt for not less than ten and not more than twelve years, with a Dishonorable Discharge from the Earth Defense Forces, followed by Transport for Life as an Undesirable to the Barnard Colony. In my opinion, you are irredeemable, and I would prefer that you not breathe the air of this planet ever again after this week! You are dismissed. Commodore Wildstar, it is my understanding that the Argo is prepared for a test flight again under peacetime conditions?”

 

“She is, sir,” said Derek. “She will be taking off tomorriow at 1100 Hours.” He and Nova had been preparing for this for the past few days. The Star Force would be going out into space again on trials to test the Argo’s systems now that her refit was almost over and she had been returned recently to home base in the repaired Tokyo Megalopolis. Due to their advanced pregnanices, Sasha and Dawn were going to remain home…staying together in the Wildstar home to babysit Alex, Ariel, and Richie Hartcliffe. Nova and Angie were not terribly anxious to leave their children with others for a week, but they knew it was necessary. The fact that they would now be transporting a single disgraced prisoner to the asteroid belt that had once been Planet Minerva made this one-week cruise even worse now.

 

“Marines, take this man to the Argo to be confined to the Brig for transport. Commodore, after you and your crew deal with this man in your accustomed fashion, you are ordered to transport this Private under military guard to Asteroid Minerva Beta Number 506 where the Private will be handed over to the convict labor unit. You are dismissed. On that note, these proceedings are adjourned. Sergeant, take Private Hartcliffe out of here, and out of my sight!”

 

Angie closed her eyes and openly let Clive console her with a hug for the first time as the bell rang and Hartcliffe was half-walked, half-dragged from the Courtroom in a state of shock. His eyes did not meet those of his estranged wife as he passed her, but then, after she spoke quietly with Clive for a moment, she called out, “Bryan?”

 

“Yeah?” he asked.

 

“I have something to tell you,” said Angie. “This has to be said before you are taken off to confinement and exile.”

 

“And what thecrap is that?” snapped Bryan.

 

“I hope you enjoy all the time you’ll be imprisoned and then exiled,” Angie said. “Because you will do so alone. I pleaded for a last chance for you, but you threw it away. So, you shall be alone as you ask. You will never speak to Rich nor I again”

 

“I know I won’t have ya there, ya damn bird!”

 

“No,” said. Angie. “By alone, I mean unmarried. I am applying for an annulment of our marriage based upon the fact that you are now a convicted felon condemned to a multi-year sentence. For humanitarian reasons, the Family Court will probably grant it in a week or two.”

 

“And you, Clive?” Bryan snapped. “I bet you’ll be takin’ advantage of this?”

 

“I will be there for her,” said Clive. “Because in her vulnerable emotional state, she needs a companion…and her son needs a father. Due to that, I asked her to marry me some weeks after the annulment is laid down in Court, and she has accepted. So, this is goodbye, Bryan. You have made your bed. Go sleep in it. And don’t expect any help from the rest of the family in Britain. We have decided to wash our hands of you. I pray you fancy that!”

 

“Angie? Clive?” Bryan yelled as they turned away from him, never again to speak to him. “Captain?” he said to Wildstar.

 

“I have a few words to say to you, but in the course of duty, only,” said Wildstar. “You will meet us on the foredeck of the Argo at high noon so that we can begin to carry out the Court’s sentence.”

 

“What part of the sentence?” said Bryan.

 

“Something I’ve only seen performed once before, but something you deserve,” Nova snapped. “You’ve been sentenced to take the March of Shame, Hartcliffe. We will all publicly disown you there. Men, take him away.”

 

Bryan then screamed and yelled as he was dragged from the courtroom to begin to drink of the bitter dregs that he had chosen.

 

 

II. EXCOMMUNICATION

Earth

The Tokyo Megalopolis

Space Battleship Argo

Friday, April 1, 2208

1200 Hours Local Time

 

 

On the Argo, all of the crewmembers who had survived her last mission stood at attention, rank upon rank, before gun turret #1, now repaired and shining.

 

Commodore Wildstar stood before the turret, with Venture and Sandor at attention, each at one side. They, like all of the assembled crew members, wore black armbands, and the Ship’s Colors that Sandor held furled were wrapped in black. The Federation Flag was likewise furled.

 

“Are the preparations made, Living Group Leader?” snapped Derek in the oppressive silence and heat as Nova came forward and saluted.

 

“They are, sir,” said Nova.

 

“Bring the prisoner forth,” said Derek.

 

“Bring forth the prisoner!” snapped Nova.

 

On cue, a single Marine drummer began to pound a drum in a relentless rythym as the crew came to attention, executed a left face upon Venture’s orders, and then stepped back two steps as Hartcliffe, again handcuffed, was led forward between them by two Marine guards. He wore his full uniform and peacoat, save that he was barefoot with his pants legs rolled up to his knees. His face was a remorseless mask as he was marched forward before Wildstar.  

 

“Bryan Winston Hartcliffe,” said Derek. “You stand before us for the last time as a member of our ranks, condemned to public infamy on morals charges.” He then reached forward and tore the ceremonial rank pips from Bryan’s peacoat, and then, he took a copy of Bryan’s commission and tore it in half, throwing the halves to the deck along with his discarded Lieutenant’s bars. “By order of a Court-Martial, by this act, I hereby cast you forever from the ranks of officers and gentlemen.” He then reached forward and tore off Hartcliffe’s pilot’s wings, followed by his medals. “By this act, you are also cast forth forever from the Black Tigers and the fraternity of fighter pilots. Your name and former rank have also been wiped from your fighter plane under Hardy’s supervision. Marines, open the Private’s coat.”

 

They pulled his coat open, and Wildstar grabbed him by the front of his Black Tiger uniform shirt and tore the golden arrow from the shirt, leaving what could be seen of it an unmarked, anonymous black except for the white collar, which he also ripped away. “By this act, you are cast forth forever from from the ranks of the Star Force. Upon your death, you shall have no plaque at Heroes’ Hill. It is because you are not a hero and you have been excommunicated from our ranks. You are no longer one of us, disgraced one! You will note that today we wear black armbands and our colors are furled in mourning and disgrace. We do not mourn for you; we mourn for our lost honor, which you have taken from us. Said honor will not be restored for either one calendar month, or until we win a victory in battle. We tell you this in order that you may reflect upon the shame you bear. Now, away with you! I cast you forth from among us, disgraced Recruit Private! Marines, force this man to walk the March of Shame, and confine him to the brig!”

 

“Crew, attention!” snapped Sandor.

 

“Drummer!” snapped Nova.

 

The single drummer began to beat that remorseless, shameful rythym again as Wildstar, Sandor, and Venture snapped to and then executed about-faces, turning their backs on Hartcliffe. Nova snapped to and did the same as Bryan was pushed forward to begin his last public march ever on the Argo’s decks.

 

Bryan was marched past Hardy, Deke, and the other Tigers, who turned their backs on him like a ballet. He was marched past the Engineering Group, and Orion and Henson led their men and women in turning their backs upon him. Dash and Rosstowski led the Combat Group in turning their backs upon him, and Homer led his Group (as Nova’s deputy) in turning their backs upon him. Slowly, he was led past the men and women of Medical Group, where Doctor Sane and the nurses, Dawn included, turned their backs on him. Eager led Navigation Group in its act of dismissal. Likewise, Hartcliffe was disgraced by the others from Mechanical Group, from the Marines, and last of all, past Flight Maintenance.

 

By design, the last Star Force member to turn her back upon him was Angie, his soon-to-be former spouse, standing beside the former test pilot Clive Hartcliffe, who was now clad in a Black Tiger uniform and activated from the reserves as an active duty EDF Lieutenant. Clive was also now the commander of his former squadron. “Angie, not you too?” murmured Bryan.

 

Angie stood looking out at the rail, her face an emotionless mask except for the tears running down her cheeks. By custom, she did not answer him. Except in the strictest line of duty, members of the Star Force were now bound by honor not to speak to him or to even speak his name.

 

When Bryan was marched to the head of the foredeck, near the Communications Unit blister and antenna, the drummer stopped. Bryan was spun about, and made to watch as, with Wildstar at their head, the Star Force executed a final about-face towards the gun turret, turning their backs upon him one last time as a unit, and then, with Derek calling cadence, they marched off the foredeck towards the appropriate hatches, leaving Hartcliffe alone with his captors.

 

“They’re gone,” he muttered.

 

The head of his guard detail, a tall, remorseless Corporal with blond hair, said, “Damn straight, motherfucker! Too bad you weren’t sentenced to death by a firing squad! I would have loved to blow your heart out, shithead!”

 

“This little ceremony will have to suffice, monkey meat. It’s upon Lieutenant Commander Wildstar’s and Lieutenant Hartcliffe’s orders, and we respect the orders of those fine ladies!” snapped the other Corporal, a huge African-American man, as the drummer, also a very big Marine, took his drum off and set it on the deck.

 

Then, the first Corporal backhanded Bryan and punched him right in the mouth. Before Hartcliffe could react, the second man kneed him right in the groin, and the third man kicked him in the butt, knocking him to the deck on his face.

 

Before Bryan could even whimper, the three Marines were upon him on the deck, beating him, kicking him, spitting on him, grabbing him up, punching him, throwing him down, and again kicking him. Bryan felt bones breaking in his face, and he saw bits of his teeth flying on the deck as the punches and kicks came, faster and faster, as he felt his ribs breaking in several places, as he felt one of his hands being reduced to a pulp as a Marine literally stamped on his fingers, and then, right before unconsciousness came, he was picked up like a sack and dragged across the deck, useless, nameless, and damned to a lifetime of disgrace and misery that he had just earned starting today.

 

And, it would get worse. Far worse.

 

 

III. AN INTERLUDE

Earth

The Tokyo Megalopolis

Space Battleship Argo

Friday, April 1, 2208

1914 Hours Local Time

 

 

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” said Jonathan as he hugged his adoptive mother and father in the Wildstars’ kitchen. Teri and Karl Forrester were waiting to drive him to their apartment in the Megalopolis, where they were going to be spending a few days.

 

“We’re only going to be away for a week, Jon,” Nova said as she walked around in a pink t-shirt with a rainbow on it, blue jeans, and East Indian style “Buffalo” sandals. “It’s a nice thing that your new Junior Space Cadet Corps unit here in the Megalopolis will be going to the Moon for camp for a week on Monday during Spring Break from school. When we get back and Spring Break is over on the eleventh, you should be ready to fit right in at your new school.”

 

“Yeah, I hope so,” said Jonathan with a tone of disgust. Moving back here was not what I wanted. Felicia and I were starting to get chummy and having fun on that beach back in San Diego when, shazam, you pull us all back to Japan with the Argo.  “Who’s staying with my little brother and sister?”

 

“Us,” said Sasha from nearby in her maternity-style Tiger uniform and bare feet.

 

“Yeah,” groaned Dawn. “Nova thought that since we’re about to have ours, we could practice on your brother and sister.”

 

“Carefully,” said Nova. “I want you to follow all of the instructions I wrote up in those notebooks. Especially the part about making sure they receive lots of play and mental stimulation. They’ve just begun saying their first few words, and…”

 

Derek, clad in an old pullover and shorts, brought in Alex, who snuggled up to him protectively until he saw his mother. Then, his eyes brightened up with a big smile, and he squealed, “MAMA!”

 

There was much oohing and ahhing as Nova took him and began smooching him while he giggled. Then, Nova said, “Mama won’t be here for a few days, but Auntie Sasha will help take care of you. Say hi to Auntie Sasha!”

 

Sasha took him, and he obliged by gurgling, “Sa-SHA!” while Deke shook his head and said, “Shoot, I’m getting jealous!”

 

“How can you?” Sasha said. “He’s a baby!”

 

“He’s a male,” said Deke. “A male you are hugging who is other than me.”

 

In the meantime, Ariel crawled up on her own, and she grabbed at the bottom of one of the male-patterned bell-bottom pants legs that Dawn had on with her Medical uniform and tried pulling one of Dawn’s sandals off. “gagagagagaga, Mama?” she said.

 

“No, I’m not your Mama,” sighed Dawn. “I’m a big fat useless whale lump who can barely even wear shoes anymore. I’m a big pregnant lump!”

 

“Nova, do I have to stay here with her?” chirped Sasha. “All she’s been going on about is how useless she is…”

 

“Well, make her feel useful,” said Nova. “Dawn, pick up my daughter. She wants you!”

 

Dawn bent down carefully and picked up Ariel with a sigh. “Is her diaper wet yet?”

 

“No, but you can easily tell,” Nova said.

 

“How?”

 

“Boy! Just pat her bottom; she just has shorts on over her diaper. You feel wet, off to the nursery with her for an appointment with the baby wipes and baby powder.”

 

“That kid looks smarter than I feel,” sighed Dawn.

 

“Dawn, you are not stupid,” Nova said as she patted her on the shoulder.

 

“Auntie, how do we know that?” teased Sasha.

 

“”Because I am not an Iscandarian Boobie like you,” said Dawn. “Bleached blond hair, the title of Princess, you act like a Princess, Deke, were you slumming with this one??”

 

“DEKEE!” screamed Sasha. “Come over here and help me shut her up!”

 

“Uh-oh, escort duty,”sighed Deke.

 

“Yeah, they’re at it again, aruhn’t they?” said Hardy. “Girls, calm down!”

 

“And fast!” Nova said as Ariel began to scream as she grabbed her away from Dawn. “Whatsa matter?” cooed Nova as she kicked off her sandals and tiptoed to the edge of the carpet separating the kitchen area from the living room.

 

“Mama, funny lady,” said Ariel as she pointed at Dawn.

 

“See, even she thinks you’re a freak!” giggled Sasha trumphantly.

 

“That’s nice, coming from an Iscandarian freak!” snapped Dawn as Nova and Derek scooped up the kids and got them out of there.

 

“YOU’RE THE FRIGGIN’ FREAK!” yelled Sasha.

 

“Be quiet! All of you!” yelled Deke in his best command voice as Dawn and Sasha looked like they were ready to punch each other. Or something.

 

 

“Why’d you get Ariel out of there?” said Derek as Nova set her on the changing table upstairs maybe two minutes later.

 

“Wet,” said Nova as she pulled off Ariel’s socks and got rid of her little shorts and undid her diaper. “And your niece and our mutual friend Mrs. Hardy were getting kind of loud.”

 

“Why is she always my niece when she’s in trouble?” groaned Derek.

 

“’Cause she is,” mumbled Nova as she had a safety pin in her mouth. “Is your niece ready to handle children yet?”

 

“I think so,” snapped Derek. “What about your nurse friend?”

 

“Why is Dawn always my friend when she’s in Dutch with you, Derek?” Nova snapped back.

 

“Same reason Sasha becomes my niece when she’s in trouble,” said Derek as he tried to console Alex, who looked confused. “Touche’, Novelle. Do Not Pass Go, do not collect two hundred friggin’ Tiger credits! You lose, Genius!”

 

“Stop calling me that, Captain Samurai!” Nova snapped. “That’s not what my mother named me! Read my birth certificate sometime! It reads “N” as in November, “O” as in Oscar, “V” as in Victor, and “A” as in Alpha! It’s all right, Ariel, Daddy is just being stupid. Like Felix the Cat!”

 

“Dada Stupid!” screeched Ariel. “Poopoo Dada syringe Tiger engine!”

 

“Yeah, poopoo dada all right,” muttered Derek. “I’m sorry, Lady Nova.”

 

“That’s somewhat better, but you can make it up by calming down your niece,” said Nova. “Otherwise, I’m callimg Momma.”

 

“And?”

 

“Then Jonathan’s Junior Space Cadet Corps trip gets cancelled so my mother and father can watch Sasha and Dawn watching them. And then Jonathan can go yell at Sasha and Dawn. I’m not so sure this was a good idea, Derek!”

 

Wildstar put his ear to the door and heard various bangs and yells of “FREAK!” “WEIRDO!” “Fat Pregnant woman!” and other such endearments. All in Dawn’s and Sasha’s voices.

 

“We’d better get out there,” said Derek.

 

“Is Alexander wet?” asked Nova as she put little sandals on Ariel’s bare feet to replace the wet socks.

 

“Nope,” said Derek as he felt under his son’s shorty coveralls. “Not yet, anyway…Yeah, sport,” said Derek as he tickled Alex’s bare chest beneath the bib of his coveralls and he giggled.

 

“Let’s get out there to negotiate that peace treaty,” Nova said as she looked at Derek. Then, she asked, “Forgiven?”

 

“I’m the one who needs to be forgiven for talking to you like that, soon-to-be-Doctor of Medicine,” said Derek.

 

Nova gave him a peck on the nose and said, “Forgiven, someday-to-be-Rear Admiral. Let’s get out there…”

 

 

Back near the edge of the living room, Nova stepped back into her shoes while Derek stepped back into his house slippers and the couple watched Dawn and Sasha fighting while Deke and Hardy looked very annoyed.

 

“I don’t think you’re responsible enough to watch two babies for a week, meatball-brain!” snapped Dawn as she looked at Sasha. “That’s pretty bad considering you are about to have one in three or four weeks!”

 

“And you talk about high school, high school, high school all the time whenever you are around Dekee!” retorted Sasha. “I have training in the mystical arts, sciences, history, flight training, piloting, surfing, and drawing Rat Fink cars thanks to Dekee! What can you do? Sling around a pom-pom and go rah, rah, rah like a stupid bimbo from your cheerleading team where you flirted with half the guys?”

 

“Sasha, not all cheerleaders are stupid,” said Nova.

 

“Why, Auntie?”

 

“I’m a former cheerleader,” Nova retorted. “You too. Or did the hormones make you forget?”

 

“Auntie, you’re a special case. You’re so smart, you’re smarter than Dawn is when you’re on the toilet farting!”

 

“Where did you get that set of metaphors from?” Nova snapped. “That sounds pretty disgusting!”

 

“Blame me,” said Deke. He then looked at Dawn. “Dawn, don’t you think this is stupid?”

 

“Sort of, but your wife is acting rather like high school herself! Like Ms. Popular!”

 

“I am not Ms. Popular!” said Sasha. “And I didn’t go to High School!”

 

“Yeah, I know,” said Dawn. “You were raised on Iscandar in a year by Fuzzluvs and Shaolin Monks like in the Jungle Book!”

 

“Fuzzluvs? Shaolin Monks?” mumbled Nova. “Dawn, there are no Monks on Iscandar. Plenty of stoned Fuzzluvs eating the Jungle Hemp.”

 

“No, there are no Monks on Iscandar,” said Derek.

 

“Sasha, don’t you think you are acting too…?” said Deke.

 

“Neither of us are acting blonde!” yelled Sasha and Dawn in chorus while Nova handed Ariel to Derek, kissed him, and then walked over to the piano-synthesizer and let her head plop forward onto the keys creating a loud discord. Then, in a fashion that made it clear only to Derek how disgusted she was getting with this, she began playing her late Aunt Yvona’s favorite song, Beethoven’s Fur Eloise, albeit in a bizarre techno fashion that was soon peppered with a heavy artificially-generated beat. Derek knew she only played that song when her internal boiler was approaching its boiling point. Alex and Ariel would later learn that “That is the song Mommy plays when she gets Mad.”

 

To this slightly strange accompianment, Sasha said to Deke, “My Aunt is making a Spectacle of herself.”

 

“I think it’s so no one knows what a Spectacle you are,” said Dawn. “Baby, baby, stick your head in gravy! Wrap it up in Bubble Gum and send it to the Navy!”

 

“STOP CALLING ME A BABY!” yelled Sasha.

 

“AND STOP CALLING ME A CHEERLEADER!” yelled back Dawn. Then, they looked at each other, began to laugh, and fell into each other’s arms crying and apologizing.

 

“It never rains in Southern California,” said Deke.

 

“Yeah, it pours,” said Hardy right back.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED….