Letter’s of Regret

Part 1

By Yuki Wildstar

12^th February, 2225

Wildstar Residence

Derek pulled the car up to their house and stared at it while the kids jumped out and ran into the house. Nova turned to see him staring, “Are you okay?” she asked.

“It’s always strange and exciting to come home. I thought I would never see it again.” He said as his hands shook.

She slipped her arm through his and smiled. “Come on in Admiral we’re home now.” He picked up his sea bag and walked with her into the house. The kids ran to their rooms laughing and grateful to be home. Nova took Derek by the arm and led him to their room. She closed the door and locked it. Placing her finger over his mouth she wrapped her arms around his neck and gently kissed him. “Welcome home my love.” he smiled at her and slowly took off her clothes. It felt great to take her in his arms again without being interrupted. It was a rough mission but he was glad to be home.  She kissed him on the neck and he felt himself get aroused. She helped him with his jacket and his pants. The sheets were fresh and the room had been air out by Misha for their return. They made quick passionate love before their house turn into chaos. Together they brought each other into excitement and climate with intensity. They laid side by side looking up to the ceiling breathing heavily from their love making. She giggled and he laughed with her. “Well I think we should make sure the kids are settled back in.” she said getting up and grabbing his shirt.

“Hmm, Can’t we just stay here for a while? I mean the kids will be busy calling their friends and enjoying their space. Being cooped up in one room for all those months the last thing they want is to spend time together. So come back here to bed.” He patted the space next to him.

With a sly smile she walk to him and pushed his head with her finger. “We have a lot of unpacking to do Admiral and though you are the commandeering officer there I am the President, CEO, head honcho, and commandeering officer here. So get dress!” she ordered.

“Not fair, you take total advantage of me and now you’re throwing me out. You are so cruel.” He got up and snatched his pants from off the floor and put them back on. “Honesty Mrs. Wildstar I am sure that Misha and Alex could handle everything until we come out.”

She wrapped her arms around him and smiled. “That was just a taste of what will happen tonight. But first we must unpack and get the kids settle back in.” she purred.

Raising his eyebrow he smirked back at her. “Really there’s more? Well let’s unpack and get the little monsters settle in then.” He said then race to the door.

The day finished with Nova and Derek dropping hard on the couch too tired to move. “Wow, am I tired. How do they get so much energy? I thought Miku would never go to bed.” He lean over to his wife and kissed her on the neck. “So still have energy to finish what you started?” he whispered into her ear.

“Sure am, but what about you? You look like you’re ready to pass out.”

“Only way to find out,” he said in a deep voice.  She got up and took hold of his hand. Leading him into their room she pushed him on the bed and went into her closet to undress. She slipped on her best lingerie. She walked over to the dresser and put on their IPod. She search for a song and smile to hear it come on. She hummed with the music knowing he loved the song that played, an Artist from the 21^st century that was from both his and hers native soil, Yuna Ito. The music filled the room as she began to sing, Endless Story. Nova turned with a smile and then saw him spread out on the bed sleeping. “Oh Derek.” She walked over and took the blanket and covered him. Tucking him in, she gently kissed him on the lips. “Goodnight my handsome man. I love you.” She crawled in next to him and placed her head on his chest falling asleep as she listened to the music and his heart beat.

14^th of February, 2225

He fussed with his shirt while she dressed in her best simple black dress. “Damn this thing. You know I hate wearing this when I am off.” He fumbled with the shirt more.

She glided over to him and smile. “Let me do it.” With ease she took the shirt and fasten it closed for him. “There that looks good.”

“Thank you. You always know what to do. Sorry I made plans so soon to go out. But I thought that it would do us some good.”

“It’s a nice thought. Now let’s go have a little fun.” She patted him on the chest and sprayed herself with her perfume one last time before heading out the door of their room. Their children sat in the living room waiting for them to come out. Miku saw them first and her brothers jumped off the couch and whistled at their mother. “Be good for Misha, and Alex, please help her out.” She told them.

“Mom you look beautiful. No wonder Dad fell in love with you.” DJ said.

“Are you telling me that I’m hideous looking the other times.” She laughed.

“No, no, I mean you’re pretty but tonight you’re beautiful.”

She kissed him on the cheek and laughed, “I know what you mean, thank you. Now behave for Misha and Alex. Go to bed on time and I love you.”  

Alex stood to the side with a dozen roses and waited until she finished kissing his brothers and sister. Wildstar took her by the waist and moved her closer to him. “It’s getting late we should go. Alex, give your mother her flowers.”

“Yes sir, Mom for you.”

“Oh Derek, they’re just lovely, thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, thank your son. He got them for you.”

“He did? Oh Alex, I see your inherited your fathers traits. Annie is a lucky girl.” She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much. I love you.”

“You’re welcome Mom. Don’t worry about us, you and dad have a good time.”

They entered the officers club and heads turned to see them enter. Many of the men in uniform stood up and saluted him. Blushing hard he returned their salute. The hostess greeted them and then escorted them to their table that they shared with Sandor and Yvey.

“Nova you look great!” Yvey said as they greeted each other. Yvey wore a strapless red dress that hugged her curves showing her slim athletic figure. She wore a clear cut diamond earrings and a choker to match. Nova admired the choker and asked.

“Is this new?”

“Yeah Stephen gave it to me earlier to wear with this get up.” She joked.

“It’s just beautiful.” She hugged her friend and said. “It’s so good to be with you guys again. I missed talking with you. How was everything here while we were gone?”

“You didn’t miss much chica, Dee got his acceptance letter from Yale.” She said with disappointment. “So he will be going in the fall.”

“You don’t sound too happy. Yvey he is not you. He wants to follow his own dreams. You have to admit he will be able to handle Stephen’s businesses and yours. If you make him finish he will never be happy.”

“I know that, that’s why I told him to go. I don’t have to like it but if it’s what he wants then we will pay for it. I sent the check out last week. I think it hurt Stephen more than me. He griped for three days about the cost. So how are things with you and Derek?”

“We’re doing alright. We, I mean, I have a lot to hash out but we will get over this hurdle.”

“I wish I was there. I would have shot her right between the eyes. How dare she take my god daughter?”

“I’m just glad it’s all over. Let’s just have fun.”

Derek wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. “So would you like to dance?” He whispered into her ear. She nodded and he led her to the dance floor. “I have a special surprise for you later.”

“Oh do I get a hint?” she asked eagerly.

“Nope you have to wait. So what were you and Yvey talking about?”

“Your name sake, he is heading to Yale this fall.”

“Oh, I am assuming that she is not too happy with that. She wanted him to follow in her footsteps.”

“She’s willing to give in to him. She doesn’t like the idea but she is willing to accept it.”

“Shame, I think he would have been an excellent pilot. I’ve seen him fly and he is as good as Alex and DJ.”

“Is DJ that good?” Nova asked.

“Between you and I he will give his brother a run for his money. It’s scary that a 10 year old is as good as my best pilots.” Making them both laugh. They dance most of the night away. Dinner was filled with stories and laughter. Derek kept staring over to Yvey and Stephen smiling. He excused himself and walked to the stage. Nova watched as he took the microphone and tapped in to it. “Ladies and Gentleman as you all know, I am Admiral Derek Wildstar. It’s a pleasure to spend this Valentine’s Day with so many of you. On a personal note, it’s not very often that I get to make a fool out of myself for my wife. Nova my darling, I’ve love you from the first time I saw you. I may have not known it then, but you made me realized it later. I have a something special for you and everyone here. Can you please join me?” He said holding his hand out to her. She sat in her chair shocked to be place on the spot. Yvey gave her a push and she made her way to the stage.

“What are you doing?” she said in a low tone.

“Just go with it. You remember that one song we sung at that one wedding we crashed in New York.” He asked as she nodded her head. “Well, why don’t we sing it here tonight for all these couples?” He waved over to someone and music began to play. Nova blushed in embarrassment and lean in to him.

“Derek,”

“Come on, it will be fun.” He encouraged her. She placed the mic close to her mouth and cleared her throat. Still blushing she closed her eyes and began to sing.

“I just swear that I will always be there. I give anything and everything . . . . .” she sang on, “From this moment life has began.” Derek took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. He turned her towards him and looked deep into her eyes. They sang as everyone looked on surprise and thrilled to see a high ranking officer showing his affection to his wife. He held her hand lost in her eyes as he sang with her. At the end the crowed stood up and cheered. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. “I love you, baby, sorry about what happen. But I am so glad to be home again with you and the kids.” then reached into this pocket and pulled out a chocolate diamond choker. 

“My god Derek, it’s beautiful. But when did you have time to do this.”

“Well Sandor was picking up Yvey’s gift and I asked him if he would help me out and pick something pretty for you. I love you.”

“So this was your surprise?” Grinning he lean in and kissed her. “Admiral you do know that you are in uniform and there are a lot of your subordinates here.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day this doesn’t count. Anyway, I think they just see me as a man that loves his wife very much.”  

27^th of February, 2225

0300 hours

Residences of Derek and Nova Wildstar

She woke up to screams from their daughter’s room. Nova grabbed her robe and ran out of their room towards her room. Alex stepped out of his room and asked. “What’s going on is she alright?”

“Go back to bed Alex. I have this.” Nova told her son. Derek followed quickly behind as they heard her call to them.

“MOMMY! DADDY!” She screamed louder.

Swinging the door opened Nova ran to her daughter’s side. “I’m here baby. It’s okay we’re here.” She cooed into her ear. “Was it a bad dream?” She kindly asked as Miku shook her head yes. “Can you tell me about it?”

“It was that lady. She was telling me to come with her. She took me away to some ship and she told me that you and daddy weren’t coming back.” She said crying. Nova held her tighter and tried to console her. She hadn’t had a nightmare since being on ship and it worried her that she is starting to get a relapse to what happen to her. Derek stood in the doorway and watched as his daughter cried into her mother arms. “Mommy I don’t want to go with her again. She scared me.”

“I know sweet heart and I promise that she will never take you away from us again. Would you like to sleep with me and Daddy?” She nodded her head yes and Nova picked up her daughter and took her to their room. She held her in her arms and waited until she fell asleep before she looked at her husband with convicting eyes. The last thing she wanted was for her child to relive her ordeal now.

He leaned over and softly said. “I’m so sorry baby.” He kissed Miku on the head and left the room.

The rest of the week was the same. She would wake up screaming in the night and Nova would run to her room. Derek would see the anger in her eyes to see her daughter go through a sleepless night. He sat across from them as she rocked her in her arms. She laid her down on the bed and motioned him out the room. “Seems like another long night. I’ll go sleep in the office again.” He said.

“No Derek, stay in the room with us. Maybe she’ll feel better if we stay with her together. It might help her.” She told him.

“Are you sure?”  He asked. She was always quiet in the morning and she never made eye contact with him. He could sense her anger for their daughter to have nightmares and he said little to her about it. “Do you think it will help her?”

“Yes I think it will. She needs to wake up and see both of us together. You’re her hero and she needs to know that you are there in the morning.”

“I would love to wake up next to my two best girls.” He said then kissed her on the forehead. “Come on let’s get some sleep.”

18^th of March, 2225

Wildstar Residence

After several days their daughter slept better and Nova was comfortable enough to let Derek take her back to her room. She was now able to sleep without dreaming about her kidnapping and Nova felt better. Their life finally went back to normal but to Derek Nova seem to always have a questioning look at him. He never brought up anything pertaining to her dreams or what happened in space. Nova began to see her therapist to deal with her feelings about what happen. Derek tip toe around her when he came home. He was never sure what kind of mood she was in. Sometimes he would ask one of his sons how she was that day but came to figure if she was happy with the kids it would not be for him. Some nights he stayed at work longer just to keep from being in the way of her mood swings. He walked up to his house and spotted Mark on the front lawn looking up at the stars. “Hey there kiddo, what are you doing?” He asked.

“Hey Dad, we missed you at dinner. Mom wanted to talk with you about something. She was kind of upset but DJ cheered her up.”

“Oh? Well I’m glad that you guys can make her laugh. How is she now?” he asked feeling things out before he entered the house.

“She seems alright. She’s getting Miku ready for bed.”

“Thanks a bunch kiddo. Don’t stay out to long. You have school in the morning.” He warned his son.

“I know, I just want to see about this comet that supposed to swing by the moon. Then I’ll go to bed.”

“Why isn’t DJ out here with you doing the same thing?” He asked his son.

“Oh this is for extra credit and you know Deej, he rather skate on his regular grades.” He smiled

“Oh really, hmm. Very well just don’t be out here too late.” He ruffled his hair and walked in. She sat on the couch reading with Miku and he smile at her. “Sorry I’m late. You know how it can be over at the office.”

“I put your dinner in the oven to keep it warm if you’re still hungry. I just never know when you’re coming home or if you’ve eaten.”

“Actually I do feel hungry.” He lied. He ate in his office but her remark made him feel bad. “Thanks for saving me dinner.” He put his things away and walked to the kitchen.  He sat at the kitchen table and tried to eat some dinner as he looked over some of his paper work from the office. He looked up to see her standing in the entry way. “What’s up?”

“You don’t have to make me feel good. I know you ate at the office.” She tried to smile.

“No really I am hungry. I’m just preoccupied with work. It’s really good.” He took another bite in front of her. It was a simple meatloaf with mash potatoes and cut green beans.

She rolled her eyes knowing he was lying and told him. “She wants you to tuck her in.”  

He smiled at her and went to tuck in his daughter. Miku sat up in bed waiting for him. “Hey there sweetheart. So mommy read you a story tonight. I know it was my turn, sorry sweetheart. I promise I will be here for you next time.”

“It’s okay daddy. If mommy doesn’t read for me Alex said he will do it for you.” She smiled.

“Well Alex is a good big brother. Aren’t you lucky to have three older brothers that love you. Come on lets tuck you in.” she slid down into bed and he pulled the covers over her. Tucking around her he made sure it was semi-tight for her. “There you go. No bad dreams okay?” she nodded her head and smiled wide for him. “I love you bugaboo.”

“I love you too daddy.”

“Good night sweetheart and remember daddy always loves you.” He kissed her on the forehead and got up closing the door behind him. He walked back to the kitchen and saw Nova finished cleaning the kitchen. “She’s all tuck in.” he announced. She smiled at him and began to finish up. He walked behind her and put his arms around her waist. “Why don’t we go for a walk like old times?”

“It's still cold out.” She turned to look him in the eyes.

“I’ll keep you warm. Come on what do you say. I’ll go get you a jacket.” He kissed her on the cheek and went to get her a warm jacket. Nova stood in the kitchen and waited for him to come back. She thought about her daughters nightmares and was glad that she hadn’t had one in a while. It worried her that she was remembering what happened. Derek walked back into the kitchen with a jacket for her as wells as his own on. “You don’t mind do you? I mean we haven’t walked on the beach in such a long time. I just thought it would be nice.” He helped her with her jacket and they began to walk on the beach. She could feel the cold air hitting her face and pulled the jacket tighter around her. He put his arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. “Better?” he asked her and she nodded yes. “I miss this. It seems like we never make time for each other anymore. We are always busy with work or the kids. We should set a date once or twice a week just for us.” He said as they walked closer to the shore line. He felt her silence and felt distance with her. I can’t stand this anymore, he thought. “Nova what’s wrong? It’s like you barely want to say anything to me anymore. I feel like I’m having a one way conversation with you.”

“I’m sorry I guess I’ve been preoccupied with things and the kids.”

“Nov, I’m really trying here and I feel like I’m the only one that is trying. Our marriage is the most important thing to me. So please talk to me. Is it because of Miku’s nightmares? Or is it something else? Please talk to me.” He pleaded.

She looked out into the dark sea and said. “Alex has been chosen for valedictorian.”

“Nov, your changing the subject. I don’t want to talk about Alex I want to talk about us.” He turned her to face him and said. “We have to talk, please Nov talk to me.”

She stared away and said in a low tone. “Derek I have my appointment tomorrow and I would like for you to come. Doctor Takashi thinks it’s a good time for you and I to get things clear up.”

“Of course I will go. I’d do anything for you. But can’t we talk now?”

“I think it would be better if we are in a neutral setting.”

“Gosh Nov, your scaring me. Why can’t we just talk here alone, the two of us.” He asked confused.

“Please Derek, I really don’t want to talk now.”

“Okay if that’s what you want. What time tomorrow do I have to be there?”

“9 A.M. tomorrow. Will you be able to make it?”

“I sure can,” he smiled at her. “I’ll cancel any appointments for you. You know that.” He kissed her gently on the cheek. He could see she was cold and he took off his jacket wrapping it around her. “Come on its getting cold.” He held her tight as they walked back to the house. He took their jackets and placed them on the table. Pulling her closer he rubbed her shoulders warming her up. “Nov, I love you. I hope you know that. I wish that I can turn back time and marry you sooner, never went away and kept you happy. It kills me not to see your smile. I’ve missed it so much these last few weeks.” He gave her one huge squeeze and then said. “Well it’s late, I’m going to check on the boys and then go to bed. See you soon?”

“I’ll be in a few. I just want to finish here.” She told him. He looked around and saw that there was nothing more to do but guess it was best not to say anything. He kissed her and went to check on their kids. Nova sat down and looked out the window. From the distance she could see the tide roll in hitting the shore hard. The wind seemed to pick up making a whistling sound. Looks like a storm is coming she thought. Tomorrow will either make things worst or better. She took a deep breath and went to their room. He sat on the bed looking at some more papers trying to focus. He looked up as she walked into the room and tried to smile. “More work from headquarters?” she asked.

“Yeah, budgeting. You know how it is.” He rolled his eyes and tossed some papers across the bed. She gave him a slight smile and his widen, “is that a smile I see?” he teased. She let out a giggle and his eyes danced. “It is a smile. Come here,” he patted the bed. She crawled in next to him and he touched her face. So smooth, he thought. “It’s good to see you smile even if it’s just a small one.”

She grabbed a sheet from the bed and gave it a look. “Hmm, since when do we pay the contractors for vacations in the south pacific islands?”

“What? Where do you see that?” he snatched the paper from her.

“This code here is used only for granted vacations. We use them only when we do favors for the CEO. But that was back when Stone was alive. He used that a lot.”

Derek looked through all his papers and gave her a long hard kiss. “Thank you! Do you know how long I have been racking my head over this? I knew I married you for something. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He said in between kisses.

“You’re so welcome Admiral. Now get some sleep.” She said.

“How can I sleep now my work is done and I want a treat.” He smirked at her.

“I’m glad to help, but I’m pretty beat. Miku kept me very busy and I am Sooo tired. And anyway you should be worried about who is making charges like that.” She pulled the covers over her and turned her back to him. “Good night Derek, I hope that you make it to my appointment.” She said then drifted off to sleep. He sat there looking at his wife and wanted her so much. How he missed her and wanted her to come to him.

19^th of March, 2225

Office of Shin Takashi

0834 hours

They sat in the waiting area of the doctor’s office waiting to be called. Derek held her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Nova are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

It made him nervous being there with her, she barely spoke on the way there. He tried to make small conversation with her but she just looked away staring out the window. The receptionist looked up and said. “Mrs. Wildstar the doctor is ready for you now.” He took hold of her hand and they walked in the office.

“Admiral Wildstar it’s good of you to come. Please have a seat.” Nova therapist motioned. “Nova has been making great progress and she’s spoken very highly of you.”

Wildstar nodded at the doctor and sat down next to his wife. He took hold of her hand and squeezed it tight. “It’s nice to meet you also. Or should I wait until this is over?” he tried to make light of it. They’ve gone through therapy before and at the time he thought they manage to work things out. But now he felt his heart beat a little faster as to what was said in this very room. What has Nova told him about them? He knew that she wanted to get her feelings out after their ordeal on their last mission and with Miku nightmares it made it more stressful on their marriage. Now he sat there feeling judge by this man and being in this office made him un-ease.

“Relax Admiral this is not a death sentences. Nova tells me that you wanted to help in any way towards her recovery.”

Recovery? He thought. Is she taking medication he didn’t know of? Was she suffering from depression? “I don’t understand, recovery?”

“Oh I’m sorry it’s just a term I use. She is totally sane if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I see, anyway I want to help her in any way she needs me. I want to get over this hurdle of our marriage. I’d do anything for her.” He said looking into her eyes.

“I’m glad to hear that. Well shall we start?” he put on his glasses and took hold of her chart with a pad to write on. “Nova can you tell Derek, is it?” He asked and Derek nodded. “What it is that you have been feeling since your return to earth.”

“I have never held back my feelings towards what happen while we were out in space and Derek knows it. But it always haunts me that she had my daughter. I still blame you for that. Every time I look at Miku I get a sinking feeling that I almost lost her. That she could’ve disappeared forever. And what irks me most is that you gave her sympathy for what she did.” She got up and walked across the room looking out the window. “You were sympathetic when she lost her child, you were sympathetic enough to be there for her and bury your child with her. I’ve over look that when we got back together, I knew that once we got back together that I should forget about all that. But she took our daughter. She was going to take her away from me and for you to even care about her after is just rude.” She said. She could feel her blood boil as she thought about it all. “I know you spoke to her when they brought her back to the castle. And that hurt me so much. I know you are a compassionate man but this woman stole our child and try to take our son. How can you even show her any kind of compassion? She took our baby!” she snapped at him. “Once we returned to Earth I was willing to move forward. But then Miku began having nightmares. MY daughter, our daughter was dreaming about her ordeal and there was nothing I can do. I prayed that she would forget about what happen and then she began having those nightmares. How I hated you for bringing that woman into our lives and now my daughter is suffering because of it.

She looked over her shoulder and watched as he sat there listening. For some time now she knew that he wasn’t telling her everything that happened in Zazba. Maybe this is why she couldn’t let it go so easily like he could. She watched his face and she could tell something more was involved to him. If he only opened up and told me what happen maybe we can move on in our lives. At times they would talk about what happen but when she brought up his past with her he danced around the subject. What is it that you’re holding back? “Derek, I wish you would tell me everything. I just feel like you’re holding something more then what you’re telling me.”

“There’s nothing more to tell.” He said looking away.

“Then why can’t you look me in the eyes. It seems every time the subject comes up you either change the subject or you never answer with a straight answer.” She said then watched his face turned away. “WHY CANT YOU LOOK ME IN THE FACE! What is it that you are holding back? Tell me damn it!” she yelled at him.

Derek sat there fuming. She hit a lot of sore spots to what happen. Airing their dirty laundry to this man was something he wasn’t happy with. But if it helped his marriage he was willing to listen. Her voice grew louder as she spat her words making him begin to put up his defenses. He wasn’t about to continue her badgering. He may have been wrong in something but she wasn’t as innocent in the whole thing. She continued as he listened. With every word it felt like knives piercing through his heart. “Enough!” He said cutting her off from her rant. “Look Doc, I think I had enough of this. We both been to therapy after we remarried and I thought we passed all this crap. Now I can understand she’s having a hard time after our daughter was taken. But I am not going to sit here and take blame for every little thing that has happen in our lives.” He turned to his wife and said. “I love you Nova but this thing that you are going through is going to tear us apart. Obviously you would be upset about what happen. I still get upset about you and Michael. But I love you enough to move past all of that.” He stared into her eyes one last time and said. “I just can’t do this anymore Nov, I need to go. I have things to do at work. Doctor I would say it’s a pleasure but as you can see it wasn’t.” he grabbed his cover and walked out the door. Nova watched as he left and something told her that she wasn’t going to see him again that day.

“How are you Nova?” her doctor said.

“I should go too. I have things to do before the kids get home.” Nova said.

“Same time next week?” her doctor asked. Nova grabbed her coat leaving the office never giving a response.

To be continued  . . . . . .

Will Derek and Nova move on or will he finally move out. What has he been keeping from his wife after all this time? Will she be destroyed to what he has been holding back? Read on to see what happens next.

To listen to the song mentioned follow this link : Yuna Ito, Endless Story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_N8hB7CoPk&feature=related

The other song listed: From this moment – Shania Twain and Bryan White http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tg39nLD3aQ