Year 2042 of Dezaria's voyage
I lost my courage here. And my freedom. Once, I would have said no one could take those from me. I was wrong. The sea of stars is cruel. She takes more than we want to give, promises hope, then rips it away.
I'm cold. But that's more than I've felt in centuries.
This place haunts me. Its clean, metal surfaces stink of steri-scrub. Once surgical instruments lined the walls. Not anymore. Now, ten chairs and two translucent, floor-to-ceiling tubes replace the surgical field. The fabrication chamber is still in its place on the wall, humming as it produces parts.
I can't see out of this tube, but I don't care. I'm mostly machine now—synthetic skin, artificial eyes, new limbs. My hair's gone a pale blue white—did hundreds of years ago, but, thank the goddess, it's full and straight.
My spine broke this morning. A thousand and twenty-two years take their toll. But it doesn't matter. The vertebrae I'll have in an hour will be better than any bones I was born with.
There was a time another enhancement would have made me weep. Now, it's just the way of things. Uncle traded his body years ago. All of him that remains is a head and a heart. The rest is machine.
In a few minutes I'll trade away another piece of myself. But Dezaria is more important than me—than any of us, even Uncle. At least, that's what we're all taught from the moment we open our eyes. We must press on—find our place in the universe.
The sea of stars stretches wide… so vast I could never hope to know its end.
Our engines are giving out again. This ship should never have survived two millennia, and I fear this may be its last century.
Great goddess, help us… Don't let us die alone in the void like so many of our brothers and sisters.
This room is our only stay against death. Though it costs us dearly, we must use it until Dezaria finds safe harbor.
Year 1130 of Dezaria's voyage
"You'll be all right." Sada clung to Rayah's hand. "They'll fix you. We're almost there."
Rayah lay on the med transport, a deep red stain over her heart. A piece of metal jutted from her chest as she struggled for breath. Rayah squeezed Sada's hand weakly.
"Don't worry." Sada assured her friend as she hurried to keep pace with the medics.
In less than a minute they reached the enhancement chamber.
"Lady Sada, it's time for you to go," said one medic.
"But—"
"You can wait in the observation booth." He pointed to a glass-enclosed room set into the far wall. "This won't take long."
Sada tucked into an uncomfortable chair in the observation booth. She curled both legs beneath her and tucked cold hands under her arms. This room was chillier than she remembered. She'd only been here twice before—when Uncle had his latest enhancements—but had it been this cold then?
When Rayah was ready for surgery, a second medic fetched a synthetic heart from the fabrication chamber mounted on the opposite wall. Once closed, the machine clicked and whirred, beginning construction on another part.
The deck shook as enemy fire pounded Dezaria's outer hull.
Hadassians! Self-righteous, fire-preaching—Sada cursed. Can't leave us alone—let us live the way we want. Just have to intervene. They steal our cartographers, wound our ship, keep us from making port. Why can't they just leave us alone? This blood feud has gone on long enough. They're our cousins, for the goddess' sake!
Sada tumbled from her seat as another lurch almost slammed her into the window. She snagged the chair arm an instant before her nose cracked into the glass.
Rayah's new heart flew from the medic's hands and smashed to the floor.
Sada scrambled to her feet. It'll be all right. They can get another one. She tried to calm her furious pulse. Rayah will be okay.
"We've done too many today. Next one's still processing," said medic two. "It'll take another twenty minutes before it's done."
"Keep her alive," said medic one. "She'll have to hold out." He cursed under his breath.
An alarm shrilled.
"We're losing her!" Medic two grabbed a filled syringe and stuck Rayah's arm.
The wail stopped.
"She can't take ten minutes of this, much less twenty," said medic two. "We can't lose another cartographer! If she keeps dropping out—"
Medic one grabbed Rayah's bedrail. "She'll live. She doesn't have a choice."
Sada sat by Rayah's bedside, waiting. The hull didn't shake anymore. Hadassians must be gone. Sada combed shaking fingers through her blue-black hair. Curse them. Curse them all!
Incense burned in a cup beneath a little statue of a bear fixed to the otherwise bare wall. The bear's ruby eyes glowed soft crimson in the low light.
Great goddess, please let her wake up. Tears welled in Sada's eyes. I've lost everyone else except Uncle. I can't lose Rayah too. I can't be Dezaria's last cartographer. How will I keep an entire ship of people fed, out of danger, searching for the world you promised would be ours? The statue of the bear blurred as Sada wept. I wish this war would end—that we'd find our promised home. The stories say you helped our ancestors. Help us now. Please…
Sada dried damp cheeks.
Rayah's eyes flew open, and she jerked upright.
She's alive! Sada reached for Rayah's hand. "Thank the goddess! I was worried—"
Rayah stumbled from the bed,
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Her friend's eyes looked like a dead star, lightless, blank. With a growl, Rayah lunged for Sada.
"What—No! Stop! Stay away!"
Rayah's fingers curled around Sada's shoulders and hurled her into the wall with a clang.
"Help!" Sada choked as she scrambled for the door. Her head began to pound from the impact. "Please, help! Something's wrong!"
Rayah ran for Sada, but her legs tangled in the blanket and she thunked to the floor.
"What's going on in here?" Uncle marched in, flanked by two orderlies. "Secure her." He pointed to Rayah. It took both orderlies to restrain her.
"The void for this one, Lord Skaldart?" one orderly said as Rayah's teeth snapped inches from his face.
"Confine her," Uncle said. "She's still a cartographer."
"Yes, lord." The orderlies carried Rayah away as she scratched, kicked, and bit at both men.
"I'm sorry, Sada…" Her uncle put an arm around her. It was heavy, cold, and as compassionate as a bulkhead.
"I never—knew someone who—went mad from an enhancement." She sobbed into her uncle's arm. "It's awful! The goddess help her. Poor Rayah!"
"We'll do what we can, but I'm afraid your friend will never be the same."
Sada stood in the center of the safest room aboard Dezaria—the vault. Windowless, plain, sturdy, it could protect the cartographers from an air breech, a boarding, or too many unwanted admirers.
Her uncle frowned as Sada combed results via holographic interface. The amethyst affixed to her head warmed as half an hour passed without promise.
"They've eaten all the fuel in this sector too, haven't they?" Uncle said.
Sada nodded.
Her uncle cursed. "Great goddess, take these Hadassians! First, they send our fuel leaking all over the cosmos, then they hoard resources to keep them from us. Filthy scavengers! We can't keep going on so little fuel."
"There's a nebula close enough for us to stop and plug the leak," Sada said. "I can send the information to the navigation corps."
"Do it," Uncle said. "At least there the Hadassians will have to work to find us."
Sada's fingers flew over the information that hovered in the air, visible only to her. If only we were all born suited to this. She sent the coordinates to navigation and minimized the display with a wave of her hand. If Uncle were a cartographer too, this would be so much easier. He would have kept the Hadassians at bay longer than any of the rest of us could. We don't even know they're coming until it's too late.
A gold circle blinked in the corner of her vision.
"Navigation is ready," Sada said. "We'll be in the nebula in… two days."
The enhancement room door seemed to yawn like a black hole.
Sada stepped inside.
"Lady Sada!" A medic stopped sanitizing the equipment and bowed. "I didn't think there were any more enhancements scheduled for today, but we can take you now if you like."
"No." Sada waved the suggestion away as bile rose in her throat. "Is Rayah—the other cartographer—still confined?"
"I'm afraid so, my lady. She's been manageable the past three days, but this morning we had to bind her. She tried to smash through the door, and… harmed herself badly. If we thought we could control her, we'd replace both hands and one arm."
Sada held in a sob. "Th-thank you. Please let me know if she… improves."
"We will, my lady."
Sada hurried out.
She wandered to a cluster of living cubes and walked past her own door to Rayah's. Inside, her friend's few belongings scattered the room like a handful of mismatched stars. Her bed was neat, and everything in the closet was crisp and clean.
Sada sat in the room's single chair. She and Rayah had talked for hours, huddled in the back of Rayah's closet when they were younger. As cartographers, they'd gotten their neural interfaces soon after birth. The net had grown with them.
Another two dozen children were implanted the same time as her and Rayah. Hadassians took all the older cartographers before Sada's training was finished.
I'm all that's left now… The last one until more are born who can handle the interface.
She went to the closet and sat as far back as she could. She was too big to fit like she used to. The tips of her shoes stuck out, but comfortable darkness embraced her, and for a moment Rayah's presence drew close.
Sada hugged her knees. What happens when you go mad? Images of Rayah's soulless eyes haunted her. I couldn't do that—couldn't live that way. Tears stained her dress, and she recalled the touch of her uncle's new arm. What's it like not to feel anything? Not to know the touch of skin or the texture of cloth—the warmth of the ship lights? Cartographer or not, I don't want to exist as a dead husk. I can't. I won't.
She crawled out of the closet and hurried back to the enhancement chamber.
"I'd like to update my enhancement profile," she said to the same medic she'd talked with before. She barely kept the shudder from her voice.
"Very good, Lady Sada." He raised a hand two inches from her eye. The implant in his palm scanned her retina and an interface only she could see appeared before her. She'd made this profile years ago—before she knew what enhancement was. Her younger self had selected everything from new legs to a synthetic tongue. Why was I so enamored with this? She quelled the urge to vomit. This was amazing to me once. Not anymore. It costs too much.
Sada turned every enhancement choice off.
"Thank you." She closed the interface.
"My pleasure, my lady." The medic bowed as Sada left.
"We've been here less than a week. How did they find us so quickly?" Sada hissed as half a dozen men hurried her toward the vault.
Sada's heart pounded with each step. Great goddess, keep me—keep us all—safe.
Outside, Hadassians assaulted Dezaria again, but now the ship didn't have enough fuel to flee.
"They've boarded," said one of her escorts. "We've got to hurry, my lady. The moment they see you, they'll know you're a cartographer."
The amethyst embedded in Sada's forehead weighed like a moon crashed into its governing planet. The Hadassians will steal me. I can't go to their home ship. They'll make me renounce the goddess.
Shots. Too close.
The man who guarded her from the rear grunted and slumped to the floor, a smoking hole in his back.
Sada screamed.
"Surrender her!" A Hadassian aimed his laser rifle at another of Sada's escorts. Ten more men and women clustered around the first Hadassian, weapons ready. "Give us the cartographer."
The Dezarian beside Sada stepped between her and the Hadassians. "We're not giving you anything but a taste of the goddess' wrath!" He fired into the knot of enemies and killed three before they shot him.
Sada's last four guards felled another four Hadassians before they died.
When the last man fell, Sada ran.
The Hadassians thundered after her. "Stop! Surrender! We don't want to hurt you, but we will if you leave us no choice!"
I'll never surrender to filth like you! She sprinted for the promised safety of the vault, but the Hadassian leader's hand grabbed her arm and whipped her around. In one quick jerk, he secured her hands in tight, metal clasps and nudged her back the way she'd come.
"No!" Sada kicked at him, but he dodged every strike without losing his grip on her arm. He's too strong. I'll never get away. Goddess, help me!
They reached the incursion point—a ragged hole in Dezaria's hull that led to a Hadassian Striker—horrid ships designed to rend Dezaria's hull. Just like this… Ugly prongs folded in to form a seal—until the Hadassians withdrew. Then the void would suck air from Dezaria without thought or care.
Got to try one more time. Sada gathered strength and courage and twisted in the Hadassian's grip like a ship flung from orbit. She caught her captor off guard and his hands slipped. Sada ran three steps before he lunged and caught her again. Two of the other three Hadassians blocked her escape. "You can't take me! I won't go!"
Her uncle stormed into the passage, rifle raised, a contingent of men behind him. He killed the man holding Sada. "Get away from there!"
More Dezarians targeted the last three boarders.
The Hadassians ducked into the boarding tube.
"Don't let them disengage!" Uncle ordered.
Four Dezarians swarmed the hole in the hull, rifles aimed at the man about to pull the release lever.
We'll die in seconds. Dezaria might never recover! The metal clasps bit Sada's wrists as she strained to get free. She was closest to the lever. If I can knock him over, he won't be able to throw the release in time. Sada gave up on her bonds and staggered toward the Hadassian trying to reach the lever.
One foot caught the hem of her dress, and she stumbled, but didn't fall. The enemy was just out of reach. Five more steps.
Sada rammed her shoulder into the man's gut, throwing him into the boarding tube.
His eyes flew wide as the air whooshed from his lungs, but even as he struggled to breathe, he flashed a knife. "I'm—sorry—" he choked.
The knife tore into Sada's chest like a hot stake the moment before a bolt cut into the Hadassian. He hit the floor of the tube, dead.
"Sada!" Her uncle hovered over her.
"Hurts…" Sada whispered.
Her uncle snapped off her bonds with his new arm. "Be still."
Air whooshed over her face as her uncle rushed her away.
The enhancement room flashed into view around her as her uncle laid her on the table. "It's her heart. Do you have another replacement?"
"Yes, Lord Skaldart, but…" the medic leaning over Sada looked grim. "We can't use it. Her profile forbids enhancements."
Her uncle's face turned angry. "What did you do, Sada? Without you, we can't find fuel—can't chart safe courses. If you don't let us do this, you're killing us all."
"Ray… ah…?" Sada struggled.
"She's dead," Uncle spat. "Killed herself just before the attack. She broke out of her bonds, used them to strangle herself."
I can't! I won't become like Rayah. That's worse than dying. "No… enhance… ments…"
"Take the heart, Sada!" her uncle bellowed in her face.
Darkness edged her vision, then crept over the world.
Silence stilled everything, took her away to a place far from Dezaria, far from Hadassians and war, far from her uncle and Rayah.
"Goddess?" Sada called into the silence. "Will you give me passage to your halls?"
Nothing.
"Goddess?"
Only darkness answered.
This isn't right. It's not supposed to be this way. The goddess takes us to eternal peace! Sada searched for something she could touch, hear, see. She took one step forward and plummeted into senseless dark. Sada screamed and reached for something—anything to keep her from falling.
I can't do it! I can't die! Goddess, forgive me, I can't die!
She snagged cloth. Uncle's clothes!
Snatches of vision sneaked back in patches. "Help… me…" Sada rasped. "Please…"
"Give her the heart!" Uncle demanded. "Do it now!"
The world faded away, but not like before. This time, she stepped into drugged oblivion.
Year 2042 of Dezaria's voyage
The tech is here to oversee my enhancement. It hasn't hurt in a long time. Maybe today it will.
My four escorts wait in the observation booth. Since the day I received my new heart they've been at my side—at Uncle's behest.
I asked him why I needed them. He said it was to keep me safe, but I saw the unspoken truth in his eyes. They are meant to keep me safe… from myself. I haven't the courage to tell Uncle he needn't worry. I used up my fortitude the day I lost my heart. Perhaps one day that bravery will return.
Sedation gas fills the tube as the stasis field holds me in place, but the instruments are already at work. One is opening my synth-skin, the other evaluating broken vertebrae. I still can't feel it. But I want to.
Every time I come here—every time they take another piece of me—I wish I were brave enough to die. Great goddess, help me… I want to escape this place… But I can't. I'm too much of a coward. Until Dezaria dies, I must live—even if I find my will to end this, my escorts will see I never do—so, to live, I must come here.
Rayah was the braver of us back then.
If only I'd been in her place…
But now, instead of dying all at once, this room will kill me one shred at a time. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Author's Note:
Winner of the Writer's Anonymous Special Places Challenge.