A PLUNGE INTO DEEP WATER
A Somewhat Dark Star Blazers fanfic (Rating: Heavy R): THIS TALE IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!!!
PART ONE: LARA’S THEME (or: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW)
By Frederick P. “Freddo” Kopetz
References to Star Blazers and Space Battleship Yamato are intended as homages and no infringement is intended. Star Blazers and Space Battleship Yamato are © 2011 by Voyager Entertainment and Engagio Productions. Includes References to Battle of the Planets/Gatchaman (created by Tatsunoko Productions and Sandy Frank Productions) are © 2011 by those production companies, along with references to characters and situations from the works of Stephen King. These are all intended as homages; no infringement is intended.
Thanks to “Yuki Wildstar,” Gail Kopetz, Ami Meitsu, Samantha Nocera, and Anonymous Reader for ideas contributed to this chapter.
I. A SUCCESSFUL HIT
Space Battleship Argo
The Vicinity of Arcturus IV
March 23, 2209
1310 Hours: Earth Space-Time
Life aboard the Argo was nice and quiet this hour of the day.
It’s so quiet, I wonder why we were even called out here to Arcturus to look for this Bolar warlord, thought Commodore Derek Wildstar as he sat at his post behind the Command Desk on Bridge Number One. Even though the Sarge claims he found him….
The Argo’s sudden mission near this Earth colony in the Arcturus system was ostensibly star-mapping, but the real reason for their presence was that EDF Intelligence had picked up word that an actual Bolar Federation Warlord named Mikhail Bulganin was hiding on the colony world of Arcturus IV, 37 lightyears away from Earth. Arcturus IV had first been taken by Earth back in the spring of 2202, when Ekogaru’s first war had been going on, and the Earth Outpost there had become a full-blown colony world, complete with three small cities, an EDF Fleet Anchorage, two Space Marine Bases, a hospital for the Criminally Insane known as Wellesley Asylum, and the three small cities and the mines and farms that surrounded them.
One of the small cities, in a desert region of the planet, was a place known as Milinus. Milinus was a hot, dry place that held maybe 9,500 souls at this point. It had a Colonial Town Hall, a police and fire agency, houses, apartment blocks, workshops, stores that supported the nearby Space Marine Base, and even a downtown street on which there was now located a frontier-style street with garages, a Livery Stable (horses were used quite a bit in this region of the planet because the siroccos could blow in quite a nasty wind that could really screw up the turbine blades of an aircar), a Church, a Masonic Lodge, two banks (one of which had recently been robbed by the Neo-James Gang, an organization of which we shall hear more of later in this tale), and, finally, three saloons.
A Space Marine Platoon Sergeant in the area, none other than Sergeant Victor “Vic” Knox, the very cousin of the legendary, deceased hero of the first Comet Empire War, Sergeant Marion Webb Knox, had spotted Bulganin knocking down a few watered beers in the Square and Compasses Saloon (which, of course, was next door to the Lodge) and he had followed him home a day or so ago, the hot wind blowing around as he had spotted the corpulent warlord walking around in a torn muscle short, shorts, and battered flip-flops, looking as ugly as sin. Bulganin’s blue skin was not that notice-worthy here; some other Bolar expats lived here, along with some Gamilons; some of whom were in the Imperial Fleet, assigned by Desslok to run a monitoring station here, and some were just plain old civilians. There had been a stir in town a few months ago when a Gamilon had been seeking membership in the Lodge. He had finally been voted in as a Brother, but the Master had been forced to appeal back to Grand Lodge in the Megalopolis about this one.
Knox had just arrived back on the Argo, which had been out there since Tuesday, the 21st. Soon after making his first report, he had been sent back down to the surface by Wildstar to look for Bulganin’s house. Now, Homer turned to Wildstar and said, “Captain, Knox wants to see you. He says it’s important.”
“Send him right up,” said Derek. “Nova, is that ship still in the area?”
“Which one, Derek?” Nova sighed from the radar. She was in uniform, and had not been that happy about coming here, since Spring Break from Medical School had begun for her on Monday the 20th, and she hadn’t really wanted to spend two weeks’ worth of Spring Break running around on the Argo or Arcturus IV with Alex and Ariel, their children, now each eighteen months old, fully potty-trained, and, as a hardness found in Ariel’s gums indicated, just about ready to sprout teeth at last. As Nova scanned the blips, she thought, I’d love to know which ship….I really, really would, Derek. On one knee, evident of her schizoid life lately, she held a cleaning kit for her Astro-Automatic. She had been down on the planet yesterday, clad in a Stetson, bikini top, battered denim shorts, and sandals-all to blend in with the locals, and she had spent some time with Derek and the kids at the edge of town plinking at some beer cans. In her excursion, her weapon had gotten some sand in its orifices, and Nova had been cleaning it. The other knee held one of Ariel’s Barbie Corvettes; Nova was working on fixing a wheel on it, and one of Ariel’s Barbie dolls was seated on the edge of her Cosmo-Radar console.
Derek sighed and said, “Nova, the Privateer ship; not the space traders…”
Nova looked at her radar and said, “Yes, Derek, The Geistdrache is still here.”
“The last message we got from them was short and sweet,” said Homer from his post. “Looking for the bastard; we take care of messes so you don’t have to, Auf Weidersehen, Kapitan Denneman.””
“Hmm,” said Wildstar. He then turned to Captain Mark Venture; his First Officer and Deputy Captain on this voyage. The Arizona was in refit, and Mark had actually been redeployed with the First Star Force for this mission for his first visit to the Argo in some years. Derek’s Second Executive Officer this cruise was Commander Stephen Sandor (rumor had it that Steve might possibly be promoted to Captain himself in the next year or two), and Derek’s Third Executive Officer was Nova. “Mark, what do you think of this?”
“Not much. Wildstar, I’ve heard blood-curdlin’ stories about that bunch on the Geistdrache.”
“Yes, there’s rumors of all sorts of things, Mark,” Derek said.
From her post, Nova commented while putting her weapon back in its holster for the moment, “There’s rumors, but we don’t know how true they are. I’ve met Kapitan Denneman three times, and I worked with the crew of that ship in 2205. Their ways are different from our own, but, no, they don’t have three heads, and yes, some practice arts that some would consider strange but are not that different from Aliscea’s or Sasha’s powers; or even the little bit of the Shine I might be developing…”
“The Shine?” Venture said, puzzled.
Derek said, “After some nurse named Vanessa had to start blabbing to everyone, it has become public knowledge that Nova scored in the high nineties on a thirty-card PSI-potential test.”
“Even though I didn’t think anything would happen during the test,” Nova said with a blush. She was getting embarrassed by this, as well as the stories people were spreading around that she was part-Iscandarian. “And Mark, to let you know, they did find Iscandarian genomes in my blood lately. We found out Vanessa has been spreading that around, too. Darn that Vanessa Smythe.”
“What?” said Venture. “Wildstar, this is a new one. Is that why Nova looks so much like Starsha? She’s one of them?”
“She may be,” Derek said. “We don’t quite know yet if this is an ancestral thing for Nova, or if…when she sat on the Cosmo-DNA and activated it that time in 2200, it may have changed her physiology; ditto for when she ran it in 2203 on Rikasha to set in motion Rikasha’s rebirth.”
“It could be both…as for that, many have theorized that Iscandar and Earth may have had contacts in the past,” Nova said as she stood up, setting aside the toy car she was working on, and she walked over while Derek stood in thought. “Look how easily Alex Wildstar and Deke Wakefield interbreed with Iscandarians, or part-Iscandarians, for one thing.”
“Ain’t Sasha pregnant again?” said Eager.
“I heard the same thing,” said Homer as he walked over.
“Yes, she is….she just found out,” Nova said. “I was talking to her before we left; that’s why she stayed back on Earth this time out,” Nova sighed. Why do they have to be talking about this? she thought. At the rate this is going, I’d be less embarrassed if both Alex and Ariel ran onto the bridge now and both squealed, ‘Mommy, we need milkie’ …and….
“Wildstar, we could have all sorts of things happening in the next few months,” said Sandor.
“I know, Steve,” Derek sighed. He gave Wildstar a pat on the back and returned to his post.
At that moment, Sergeant Victor Knox just ran onto the Argo’s First Bridge. “Captain!” he yelled.
“Knox, you’re as bad as your late cousin!” snapped Wildstar. “Okay, what is it?”
“They just found the house, and found where Bulganin is. He’s in his place, edge of town. The local Sheriff’s office intercepted a phone call from him. He asked for the police to bring him beer.”
“What?” said Eager, while Nova went back to her post. When she sat down, she looked at the Barbie car, set it aside again, and sighed and began to work on cleaning her weapon again.
“Captain, I just got a message from the Geistdrache,” said Homer. “Uh.. Captain... the Geistdrache's coming around and targeting something on the surface, their weapons just armed...”
Derek snapped, “Homer, Hail them and find out what they're targeting...Dash,” said Derek, referring to their old Artillery Officer, Commander Dashell “Dash” Jordan, who was aboard again as their Combat Group Leader. He had served recently as the Captain of the Space Destroyer Pyongyang, and he was now engaged to a nice young woman who, by coincidence happened to be from Korea. “Dash…I stress this… open main guns. Nova, what are you doing?” he said as he watched working on cleaning her weapon again.
Nova said, “Derek, it’s a feeling I have, I think we need to do a Bin Laden op on this Bulganin, Derek. I don’t think he’ll come peacefully. I’ll want to back you up!”
Eager then made a smart-ass comment, “Any of ya heard what a Bin Laden cocktail is? It's two shots chased down by a glass o' seawater!”
“Oh, that’s an old one,” said Stephen Sandor from his post.
“It’s older than the hills…phew!” laughed Diane Henson-Sandor from Engineering. Knox had been about to try to make time with her, until he saw her wedding band on her finger.
He said, when glancing at her ring, “Christ, ma’am, both you and Nova are married! Any other ladies on this ship?”
“Not as many as on some cruises,” said Nova. “There’s Diane, me, our friend Katrina Savela…all married, and with spouses present. There’s Vanessa, but I think she likes girls. And, last of all, technically, there is my daughter Ariel, but at eighteen months, she’s not looking to date anyone but her father,” Nova said with a wink at Derek. Alex and Ariel had just begun to show signs of the classic Oedipal and Electra fixations, and both parents thought it was kind of cute.
Eager said, “I’m getting’ signal from the Geistdrache. Hey! Venture! C’mere and look at this!”
Venture ran over and looked at Eager’s screen, and then at Nova’s. He then said, “Boy. Their Hammer party's deploying in a drop ship.. do we want to be involved in this? This is gonna be...” Mark just shook his head at the situation.
Knox said, “CRAP! I'm not gettin' in that. last time we did a tandem with them bastards, the place looked like someone summoned the Cenobytes from Hellraiser. Even *I* don't wanna look at that shit!”
Nova did not want the Geistdrache to get the better of them, so she said, “Derek, Mark, we strike at night. We put bags over people's heads....let’s get in there first! I’m fast! And they say Mikhail Bulganin is a serial rapist! After we missed Zoltar by a hair, I want to get SOMEONE like that and save other women the pain of what Diane and I went through a few months ago!”
Nova’s aggressiveness upset Derek a little, but he decided not to say much, because, as he thought, Nova has a perfectly good reason for acting this way. Zoltar tried to rape her six months ago, and he did rape our shipmate and friend Diane. He then said, “All hands, stand down and let's just watch this. Hon, please put down the garrote, and no need to call Katrina....I think the Hammer Party will do this better than we will...”
Venture went to his post and then, he looked at a reading. His eyes went wide as he said, “Shhhhooot! I am getting telemetry that puts *Denneman* down there... they're pissed!”
Knox then said, “Yup, that's a 'hell no' to goin' down there.” At that, he shuddered. “I don't deal with no Iscandarian witch-doctor shit. We know now that Denneman is part-Iscandarian or something like that…and they say he does hoodoo! No offense meant, ma’am; I hear that you do Iscandarian juju, too….” Then, he gave Nova a lewd grin. Word had gotten around to many places about Nova’s possible heritage, and she blushed at that.
Wildstar then said, “Yes, we are...staying...out of this one. He was relieved to see that Nova had put away her arsenal and was back to adjusting Ariel's Barbie Car wheel with a screwdriver whilst watching the radar. In the meantime, Nova gave Knox a look and said, “Knox, I do not wear a mask and go ‘booga, booga, booga!’ or run around doing ‘I Put a Spell on You.’”
Knox then said, nicely, to Nova, “I know, I know, and you don't eat people. But it's still hoodoo.”
Homer grinned and put on “Born on the Bayou” by Creedence Clearwater Revival. He sang loudly and shivered and pointed at Nova at the part that said, “Chasin’ Down a Hoodoo There…”
“Arrgggh.We got Hoodoo on this ship!” said Dash. “Get an exorcist!”
“Dash, I thought you were an atheist!” yelled Nova as Homer and Dash cracked up.
Knox looked at Homer and said, “You damn Smartass!” However, he laughed long and loud.
Derek banged his console and said, “Okay, guys! Enough!” Then, he snapped, “Eager, Nova, track that party!”
Nova replied, “Aye, Skipper. I am doing so, and they are heading towards their objective at 80 space knots. Going like a Bat out of Hell! Scary!”
A moment later, Eager said, “I’m catchin’ telemetry, Homer! Patchin’ it through to ya!
The Star Force looked up at the screen, shocked. The crew from the Geistdrache had helmet cams and were sending the images. It was definitely a bin Laden op. A corpulent blue man, obviously Bulganin, could be seen to reel back, kicked in the face by a tall, powerful-looking woman. At any rate, she kicked Mikhail Bulganin in the mouth so hard that teeth flew like shattering ceramic. Then, the men and women from the Geistdrache’s Hammer Party of raiders proceeded to kick Bulganin to death... he was not worth fists or bullets and they all knew that boots were easy to clean with a squirt hose. Leon Trotsky’s end in Mexico City in the 20th Century with a pickaxe was cleaner than this.
Homer gasped, and he muttered, “I can’t bloody watch this!” He turned away from the screens, looking like he was going to puke. He muttered, “Damnit to hell! What a way to go!”
In the meantime, Commodore Wildstar recognized the objective. He then said, “Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this was another nice clean up executed by the Hammer Party. We didn't need to get involved in this one; spirit of the crew of this vessel today noted and logged.” Derek nodded to Nova, who was hammering at a wheel on the Barbie Corvette while we heard whining toddler Ariel on the intercom. "Mommy, when do I get toy back?"
Nova responded, “As soon as Mommy's watch ends, sweetheart.” She then looked up at the screen, shook her head, smiled, and said, “Yes, people, another one bites the dust.”
Knox responded with, “Sheesh! You think us Marines are animals?”
Eager said, “Last time ah butchered a hog in Texas, it was cleaner that that!”
Sandor had a look and said, “Hmmmm….they may not leave us anything left to autopsy, although we need to grab some intel from that ugly-looking house.”
Derek said, “Homer, we’ve seen enough. That Bolar officer is dead. That…thing…is not ever going to get up again. Homer, cut the video feed...”
Homer replied, “Aye, sir.”
At that, the screen went black.
Later that day, after a recon party of Marines went into the house to take materials (and promptly got fleas, which had to be cleaned off them on board ship) Derek gave an order for Liberty parties to leave the Argo. Sandor stayed in command while he and Nova took little Alex and Ariel off on one of those liberty parties.
The two toddlers, now each eighteen months old, went out lightly dressed; Ariel wore only a light little set of shorty coveralls on her body and sandals, while Alex wore nothing but a pair of shorts and sandals.
Derek wore only his peacoat, ascot, white Star Force slacks, and boots, since the family intended to go to the lake later to go swimming, and once they rented some horses and set out for the lake, they would all undress to enjoy the sun. Nova wore only her peacoat, an ascot, a short white skirt, and sandals. On the way to the shopping district, Nova amused Derek and some others by stopping to allow little Alex to cuddle up to her and take a breast with her peacoat wide open.
But,
as they went on, they stopped at a jewelry store.
“Oh! These are pretty!” Nova said as she pointed at some items in the show window.
“What’s pretty?” said Derek.
“Derek, look at those brass bracelets…those turquoise necklaces….those earrings! They’re cute! Can we stop so I can buy them?”
“Considering you just got paid, no problem,” said Derek.
“But poopyhead here wants to go ride horsies, Mommy!” said Ariel.
“My name not poopyhead! It’s Alexander!” said Alex.
“It won’t take me long,” Nova said as she whistled at the items, letting out her ascot, which would soon come off, baring her neckline so she could display the necklaces she was about to buy to best advantage.
“Try to be quick?” teased Derek.
Nova whispered in his ear, “I will be. I can’t wait to get to the stable and rent those horses and gallop out of town…in my jewelry, and out of my clothes and in a swimsuit,” she said.
Derek smiled at Nova and gave her a pat on her bottom.
Nova turned, smiled, and gave him a kiss as she went back to looking at stuff.
Then, she felt metal fingers against her panty-clad bottom under her skirt and heard an electronic voice saying, “I got you, Nova!” as Alex and Ariel looked on and loudly giggled while Derek looked on, aghast.
Then, Nova looked back and saw her tormentor. “IQ-9!” she screamed.
“Hi, Nova! Beautiful behind!”
“I’d prefer you not to show it off in the street, thank you!” she huffed as she pulled away and pulled down her skirt. “Derek, let’s get Alex and Ariel and go in. HMPH!”
Derek gave IQ-9 a look…and he took off.
AN HOUR LATER….
Nova had purchased two turquoise necklaces, a “Dream catcher” necklace, a pair of earrings, and a brass bracelet.
After renting their horses (Derek’s had a saddle on it with saddlebags for their supplies, water and food for themselves and the children, while Nova rode bareback), they rode off. Nova was pleased to see that the riding lessons she had given Derek now and then had finally taken; he was now a pretty good horseman. As he put it, “I’m not at the point of being a cavalryman who can fight on horseback yet, but give me some time, and I’ll get there….”
Once in the country, Derek called a halt. They were getting hot, and he undressed, helping Ariel undress as well, and then helping Nova to change into a pink bikini and then to put on her jewelry as she sat on the horse and undressed Alex.
A few minutes later, they went on along the shore of the lake. Derek and the kids were also in swimwear. When they stopped at the lake, Derek called a halt. He got Alex and Ariel to wade into the shallow part of the lake with him near shore and splash while Nova rode the horse a little on her own, looking for a place to let her horse eat some suitable grass.
While doing this, Nova rolled up her eyes when Vanessa Smythe came running up. Vanessa had on a string bikini far briefer than Nova’s, and she had dyed her hair green, and she was laughing as she said, “Hi, ma’am! I see you’re nice and cool too! Can I join the party?”
“No,” Nova said with an upset look on her face. “Vanessa, I came here to be alone with my children and husband. Could you find some other place to go, please? This is a big lake!” Nova said as she laughed. She gave her horse a little nudge onwards with her toes (she had gone barefoot for her ride) and she said, “We can meet up on the ship for that Comedy Night we’re doing.”
Vanessa laughed. “We can, Nova. Ma’am, anyone ever tell you what a cute tush you have?”
“Yes, my husband and a ninth class robot,” Nova huffed. “Now, would you please go off somewhere? I’m sorry, but I want to go swimming in a minute,” Nova said as she stopped her horse and gracefully dismounted.
“Nova, don’t tell me you’ve never thought of…you know…?”
Nova sighed at Vanessa. “Vanessa. You’re very pretty, and cute. You’ve done this before. Please stop looking at me like that, Vanessa. If this persists, I may have to pull rank on you, or get very rude. Are we clear?” Nova said quietly.
“Yes, ma’am,” said Vanessa Smythe. Vanessa walked away with her head down.
I’m so sorry, Nova thought. But, I can’t help you in that way. I…don’t go that way, Vanessa….
Nova let the horse go, and ran off to be with Derek and the kids in the water.
In the water, a while later, while swimming, Nova took a dive.
She was mildly shocked (and surprised) to find that the current had swept her into a very deep hole in the lake.
The hole was so deep that she ended up touching the bottom of the lake with her hands for a moment, kicking away with her strong legs as she went down.
How far down does this go? Nova thought as she swam away at the bottom of the lake, holding her breath as she was surrounded by bubbles.
She saw mud down there, lots of mud, and an old bottle.
The bottle looked as if it had a rock in it.
Or…was it a plastic skull?
A symbol of…death?
But whose death? Hers?
This is not what you expect when you go swimming, she thought. A plunge into deep water? You go down into something that looks normal, and it goes down forever…hope I don’t drown down here…keep calm….
Nova gathered her thoughts, swam along a bit more, and she got away from the current and kicked her way back up to the surface.
It felt good when she broke the surface, saw Arcturus up in the sky again, and took some welcome air.
That done, she swam back to where Derek was playing with the kids.
II. JOKES
Space Battleship Argo
The Vicinity of Arcturus IV
March 23, 2209
2208 Hours: Earth Space-Time
Later, that night, back aboard the Argo, Comedy Night started up in the Holography Room.
The Holography Room was set up to look like a deranged nightclub by Nova, complete with multi-colored lights and a stage surface designed to look like the Argo’s foredeck with the “plank” pattern in the metal-carbon-fiber-clad decking surface.
At the moment, Hardy was at the mike; telling pilot jokes. Some of them were lame, others were funny. The jokes went like this:
Hardy said, “What’s the difference between a Naval Aviator and a jet engun?” When no one bit, he said, “A jet engine stops whinin’ when the plane shuts down.”
The Tigers (and Derek) booed him good-naturedly for this joke. He then said, “Hey, Doc Sane. How do yuh bury a fighter pilot?”
“How?” said Sane (who looked drunk)
“You give him an enema and bury what’s left in a shoe box.”
The Tigers really booed Hardy for that one. Some threw tomatoes at him.
Nova got up in her nurse’s uniform and yelled, “The next idiot who throws tomatoes in here gets to clean them up! Thanks, Jeff,” she said, bowing as Hardy left the stage. She looked at an index card. “Our next comedian is a man with lots of hair, fire in his eyes, a keen mind….uh….we think….and I know he what he sees when he turns out the light, but I won’t tell you because it’s mine,” Nova said with a wink. “Our Skipper, Derek!”
The crew applauded as Derek got up to tell his jokes after kissing Nova and messing her hair up affectionately. “I’m gonna pick on pilots a little more, you can throw stuff at me all you want, guys. Then, I’ll pick on other people. I heard this story about three Tiger candidates just out of flight training. It went like this. These three pilots are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks, right?”
Derek paused and said, “The first pilot says, ‘Those are deer tracks.’ The second pilot says, ‘Hell no, those are elk tracks.’ That pilot sounds just like Dekesticks,” said Wildstar.
Brew slapped Deke on the back, and he shook his head and groaned.
Commodore Wildstar went on with, “The third pilot says, ‘You both wrong! SHIT! Those be moose tracks.’” Derek smiled and said, “That pilot sounds like Brew.”
“Where are the naked girls with butts showin’ Captain?” yelled Brew.
“You won’t find any naked women in this forest, Brew. Sorry,” said Wildstar. “So, the pilots were still arguing….when the train hit them. The tracks were railroad tracks.”
Derek got booed and laughed at as he went on to the next joke. He said, “So, a young man with a wild and multi-colored hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man. ‘What's the matter, old man?’ said the young man. ‘Never done anything crazy in your boring’ life?’ The old man replied: ‘Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and I had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son.’”
Derek got a lot of laughter, and some boos. Eager yelled, “Nova, drag ‘im off the stage! He’s a better skipper than he is a comedian!”
“One more,” said Derek.
“And he told me this one as his audition,” Nova said. “It’s really funny!”
“Yeah, right,” sniffed Homer.
“Homer, shut the hell up!” yelled Venture.
“You shut the hell up!” yelled Homer, who had drunk a few glasses of sake.
“QUIT IT!” yelled Derek. “Okay. Last joke from me. Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the Captain bellowed to his First Mate,’"Bring me my red shirt!. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, ‘Bring me my red shirt!’. The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.”
Derek paused and looked at the crew and said, “Going on. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an Ensign looked to the Captain and asked, ‘Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?’ The Captain, giving the Ensign a look that only a Captain can give, said, ‘If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight on unafraid.’ The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. Yeah. That’s a tough Captain, all right. A real sea dog,” Derek added. Wildstar. He went on and said, “As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, ‘Bring me my brown pants!!’”
The crew booed, and some started to throw tomatoes again, and Nova said, “That’s all from Derek. No more tomatoes, damnit!” she yelled.
Homer got up and yelled, “Hey, Nova Smarty-pants! What makes you so superior?”
“The fact that I’m sober!” Nova said as the crew laughed at that.
“I’m not drunk!” yelled Homer.
“I can smell it all the way up here, Homer. You’re drunk,” Nova said as she went over to a drum and gave a rim shot with the nearby stick. The crew laughed like crazy at Homer.
“We have better comedy in the audience tonight,” said the new young Knox.
“You can say that again,” said Eager.
Nova smiled, laid down on the deck, stretched out her long legs, and got an empty syringe out of her pocket after putting on a few bars of cool jazz in the background.
Homer yelled, “Hey, Nova! You gonna tell jokes, or STRIP!”
Nova smiled at him and said, “No, Homer, I am not going to strip. Only Derek gets that show, and you’re not him, sorry,” she said sweetly.
She then flipped up a hand and gave him the finger as the crew cheered.
“Yeah, Nova!” yelled Eager.
“That’s the way to shut him down!” yelled one of the Tigers.
Homer got up, glared at everyone, and ran to the Messhall, being morose. He found some cold pizza in the buffet, ate it, and then he got more morose than ever and began to throw up right on his table and got cursed out by the Mess Chief as he threw a mop at Homer and told him to “Clean your shit up, sir!”
Needless to say, Homer made a very poor drunk.
When he was done, he went to his cabin alone and cried, moaning, “Wendy’s home on Earth. Nobody loves me. Venture hates me. The Captain thinks I’m shit! Nova thinks I’m an idiot! And I need Tums for my Tummy!”
He went off to Sickbay to make a sick call.
In the meantime, Nova began her joke. It went like this. Nova said, “This is a true story. This really happened to me, guys. Okay. One day, General Stone had to spend a couple of days in Central Hospital, right? He was a royal pain to all of the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his subordinates at Headquarters. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse…yours truly,” Nova said to same laughter and applause, “Was the only one who could stand up to him. So, I came into his room one day and announced, ‘I have to take your temperature.’ After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.”
Nova went on and said, “’No, I´m sorry’,” I said, "’but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.’ This started another round of complaining, but eventually Stone rolled over and bared his butt to me. Yeah. He has an ugly butt.”
The crew laughed and applauded at that one as Nova continued with, “After he felt me inserting the thermometer, I said, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" I left the door to his room open on my way out. Now, Stone curses a blue streak under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, Doctor Sane came into the room, carrying his usual bottle. ’What´s going on here?’ asked Doc Sane. ‘Damn, you look like a baboon!’ Angrily, Stone answered, ‘What ‘s the matter, Doc? Haven´t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken? Even if is that Goddamn hippie girl idiot Wildstar doing it!’ After a pause, Sane confessed, "Well, no. I guess I haven´t. Not with a carnation up your ass, anyway!’”
The crew applauded this joke. Some other drunk threw a tomato at Nova. She caught it and threw it back at him, laughing like crazy.
Then, Doctor Sane came up, and Nova said. “Now, we have Doctor Sakezo Sane, Medical Genius, up here to tell you….his brand of humor. “Doctor Sane, please!”
Doctor Sane took a huge swig from his bottle, and he began by stating, “Okay. (hic). This one is pretty daaaamn dirty. (hic). A nuuuurse was on duuty in th’Emergency Room (hic) when a young woman with puuurple hair made up like’a punk rocker Mohawk, and covered wi’ tattooz (hic) and wearin’ stranaaage clothing (hic) came in…”
Sergeant Vic Knox yelled at Sane, “Hey, Doc, you’re drunk!”
“I’m alwwwayyyys drunk (hic) to one degree or another (hic) I’m a funcnonal alcoholic, so shuddup, you big Gorilla!” Sane screamed in a high-pitched, slurred voice. “Back to my story! It was quickly determined that’d patient had acute appendicitis, I DO mean acute!” screeched Sane. “So, she was scheduled frr immediate surgery (hic).”
Sane
had more from his bottle, and Nova looked at him with concern. “Doctor, you’ll
drink so much that you can barely stand up…please!”
Then,
he passed out.
Then, things went on….
III. AT THE PASSION PIT….
Planet Earth
A Suburb of the Tokyo Megalopolis
Saturday: March 25, 2209
1911 Hours: Earth Space-Time
The Argo arrived home from Arcturus on the morning of Saturday, March 25, 2209.
After Derek again dismissed the crew, he and Nova went home with Alex, Ariel and Jonathan. Upon their arrival home, they got out of their uniforms and into clothing suitable for the day, which was in the high nineties. Derek got into only a t-shirt, bike shorts and flip-flop sandals for the heat. Nova put on an old University of Colorado crop-top that bared her stomach, light grey gym shorts, and she also wore flip-flops. Alex and Ariel were both stripped down from their nice clothing to loose shorts for Ariel, and a little fundoshi for Alex. Jonathan wore swim trunks and a JSCC t-shirt, and he ran around barefoot like his brother and sister.
“What’s this phone call you got from your mother?” Derek asked as he drove their Mustang to an old-style 3D drive-in movie establishment that night after Nova had gotten Alex and Ariel into bed with the help of Derek, Jonathan, and Jonathan’s girlfriend Felicia, who had come over that night to finish homework that had to be done over Spring Break for their return to school on Monday the 27th. Also, the next day would be chaotic; it would be Easter, with all of the chaos that went with getting two toddlers into their new outfits and getting ready to go to church in the morning, where Nova would be playing another piano solo. Then, they would be throwing a party and egg hunt for their children and some of their friends’ children at their house.
Nova replied, “Well, when I was able to tear myself away from coloring Easter Eggs, I took that call from Mother. Derek, she and my dad are having trouble with each other again.”
“What?” Derek said.
Nova sighed. “She said he’s been away all the time on work assignments, and that he’s really been mean to her and the kids.”
“Nova, do you believe that?” Derek said.
“I’m not sure I do,” she said as they drove up to the gate of the Tri-Plex Drive-in, known as THE PASSION PIT drive-in. “We’d like to see the tri-d re-release of Doctor Zhivago, the 8PM showing, please,” Derek said to the humanoid seventh-class robot at the gate.
“Twenty Credits, please,” said the robot. “The movie is in Lot Number Three behind the sign. Short dog-leg left turn.”
“Thanks,” said Derek. He got the money from his wallet in the glove compartment. Then, he waited as the robot punched in their license plate number, and then, he drove the Mustang into the lot and they found a place to park.
Outside, Derek and Nova sat cuddling on a blanket for a few minutes after they got some soda and popcorn at the concession stand. Nova paid this time, getting the money out of the battered pink wallet in her handbag, which she had tossed into the car’s back seat. The sun was going down (sunset was 7:29 PM) and they held each other and looked up at the Sun.
“It’s quieter now,” said Nova. “But not by much.”
“Yes. Over eighty-five degrees on a hot night in March,” Derek said as they sat on their blanket cross-legged. “I’m comfortable for cuddling later…”
“Yes. Well, what else do couples do at a drive-in?” Nova said. “Especially at a weepy, romantic movie?”
“Stuff,” said Derek.
“What kind of stuff?” Nova said.
“You know. We’ve been here before,” Derek teased.
“Jonathan had better be home with Felicia and not taking my Fiat or Subaru out with his new drivers’ license,” Nova said.
“You’ve got your keys on you, I hope?” Derek said.
“Yes, but I have spares, and he might be smart enough to find them on his own,” said Nova.
“We catch him here in one of your cars, he’s dead,” Derek said. He had driven both of his mother’s cars already, along with their own Mustang.
“It’s getting dark, Derek,” Nova said. “Let’s get back to our car.”
“Right,” he said as they kissed.
The movie began on time as Derek and Nova turned on the Mustang’s radio for a sound system, and tuned it to the frequency that the drive-in was transmitting the sound on.
The first hour and a half of the movie was a bit slow, but it had its moments of drama connected with the relationships of Yuri Zhivago and Lara as they met and separated again and again, being drawn to a forbidden love even though they were both married to others. Lara was married to Pasha Antipov, who became the Communist warlord Strelnikov, while Yuri was married to Tonya. Their strange relationship grew against the background of the Russian Revolution of 1918, against an ironic backdrop (given the heat on Earth) of the snow and cold of old Russia as it became the Soviet Union.
Now, as the movie went on, while Derek and Nova watched Yuri Zhivago and Lara growing closer and closer to each other at last, the real-life lovers were cuddling across the console of Derek’s Mustang behind the fogged-up windows of their car.
Next, around the same time that Yuri and Lara were having their first love scene, Nova was looking at Derek with tears in her eyes and whispering, “Derek, isn’t this beautiful?”
“It sure is…” Derek said as Nova reached up his shirt to touch his belly button. Then, she slyly ran her hand over his bike shorts. She whispered, “Derek…did you wear underwear?”
“That’s for you to find out…What about you?”
Nova sat back a little on the passenger side of the Mustang and loosened the drawstring on her short gym shorts a bit. “Same thing!”
Derek kissed her and touched her bottom.
“Come over to my side of the car,” Nova whispered as she kissed Derek and made a come-hither motion with her finger before opening the door and stepping out. Derek took the cue, and he got out, ran around the back of the car while some old fart in the car behind them yelled, “Hey, kiddo! DOWN IN FRONT! Who ARE you?”
“You’d
be surprised if ya knew!” yelled back Derek as he ran to Nova’s side of the car
while Nova kissed him and ushered him in after patting him on the butt.
They began to kiss a bit. Then, Nova guessed what was going to happen (and she had no objections; they were in the dark and behind tinted windows) and she said, “Now…before we do this, I have something to confess to you, Derek?”
“Yes?”
he whispered as he got a hand free and began to pleasure Nova’s charms. They
were in the open in the dark. She had undressed. So had he.
“I’ve never been with you in the front seat of a car before, Derek…” Nova said.
“First time for everything,” he replied.
Derek then whispered, “When was the last time you had your…shot...honey?”
“Seven weeks ago, end of January,” Nova said. “I couldn’t get in to Doctor Sane until the end of this month…”
“Nova, do you want to…?”
“No, I do not want to stop. And, yes, let’s go on and see what happens, Derek…”
“You mean?”
Nova
heard a bit of Yuri and Lara’s dialogue about having children over the car
speakers, and she said, “Let’s see if we can make a baby right now, Derek! Okay?”
“Mmmmm,” said Derek as he touched Nova down there and made her melt.
They
kissed, and their tongues met as Derek pleasured Nova’s charms for a few
exquisite moments of pleasure.
A
few moments turned into many moments. As they went on, Nova looked down at
herself, amused by the sight of her breasts bouncing up and down as she shut
her eyes, kissed Derek, met his tongue, and then, Nova watched as he became a
blur while they danced together in the throes of wild lovemaking, with Derek’s
body feeling alive with pleasure at the touch and feel of his wife’s nude body
against him, and Nova feeling alive and sensitive and filled with pleasure from
the top of her head to the tips of her curling toes.
They shared a hot, shaking climax. Then, they lay entwined together, touching and kissing after the act. Nova giggled. “We’ll get the car clean in the morning when we wash it before we go to church. Okay?”
“Sure,” Derek said as they kissed again. “We’d better not find Jonathan and Felicia like this when we get home or they’re so dead.”
They both laughed at that.
IV. A CHAOTIC HOMECOMING
Planet Earth
Derek and Nova Wildstar’s Residence
Saturday: March 25, 2209
2350 Hours: Earth Space-Time
“We’re home!” Nova called out as she walked into their house at last after arriving home from the Drive-In with Derek. She was decent and smelled halfway clean, thanks to a quick run out to the pool house to wash up and then pull on her gym shorts again; Derek had followed suit.
“Where were you two?” said Jonathan as he sat on the couch with Felicia. “And why did you guys run to the pool house after you pulled in?”
Derek said, “Who are the parents here, Jonathan? Us? Or you?”
Nova looked at Jonathan and Felicia and said, “What were you two up to?”
“Studying geometry,” said Jonathan. “We hate those darn proofs!”
“And watching Alex and Ariel. They are asleep,” said Felicia, who was sitting on the couch next to Jonathan in a tank top and shorts. “And Mrs. Wildstar, now that you’re home, I’d like my thirty credits, please?”
“Sure,” Nova said as she got her handbag and pulled out her pink wallet. From that, she gave thirty credits each to Felicia and Jonathan as they had agreed. “How’s your scooter working?”
“Fine,” said Felicia as she took her money and kissed Jonathan good night. Then, she sat down by the shoe closet, buckled her wedge sandals back on, and got her scooter helmet. She took off, running outside to her little scooter, which she would use to zip back to her parents’ house, which was just three kilometers away.
“So what were you guys up to?” said Derek.
“Okay, dad. We watched the kids, ate pizza, cuddled a little on the couch…what were you and Mom up to?”
“None of your business,’ Nova said with a blush.
Jonathan thought, Yeah, you guys were playing ball, too. Felicia and I got to second base. You two probably hit one out of the park….
Morning came.
After a very early-morning washout of their car, Nova and Derek dressed for church. Derek put on a blue suit, blue tie, white shirt, and black boots, while Nova put on a new white sundress and dressy thong sandals, worn along with a brown hat.
Nova posed for some shots at the balcony on the rebuilt beach guest house, which was a small, old ramshackle beach house almost left in ruins from the planet bombings that they had found years ago (on a walk on Earth that they had shared back in 2200 after arriving home, as a matter of fact). They had found this old beach house, and had ended up camping out there together for two or three nights. Later, after they were granted their property together in late 2201, after they took a walk along the beach, they found out that the old house was nearby, on a stretch of property in Nova’s grant that she had ended up owning. They had slowly renovated the place but by bit over the years, and had slowly added to it, and it was here, on their property where Yuri and Haruna Tsukikage now lived, in an apartment made up for them on the upper floor. The lower floor of the house was being renovated for either more eventual guests or for a caretaker or housekeeper to live in for the whole place, along with a small Japanese-style studio apartment retained by the couple for beach parties that they occasionally slept in with the kids on very hot and humid nights.
Derek and Nova’s property now had four buildings on it; their main house (which was having a pair of wings added to it), their garage, the small pool house, and this guesthouse.
“Very nice dress, Nova,” said Haruna after Derek finished taking the pictures on the breezy balcony..
“Thank you,’ Nova said. “We’ve been in and out so much; how do you like what we’ve done to the place?”
“Well,” said Yuri. “We’re still working on decorating the living room, but we love the place.”
“I’m so glad that you were able to make use of it,” Nova said. “Do we make too much noise when we stay over?”
“No,” said Yuri, who thought, Except when you two stay in your little apartment now and then. But it is a cute, happy noise….your occasional lovemaking…your kids running around and giggling…
Haruna said, “We like living out here. It’s in the city, but if you look the right way towards the water, it’s almost as if this is the middle of nowhere.”
“We’re glad you like it,” Derek said. He smiled at Alex as he ran up in the light tweed blazer, shirt with tie, toddler shorts, and sandals his parents had dressed him in. Ariel had on another one of her little sailor dresses, this time in blue.
The two toddlers were giggling, teasing each other with lines like Ariel saying, “Alex poopyhead! What are you gonna do if you have to go poopy in church?”
Alex giggled and said, “Get Mommy to take me to the poopy room before I go poopy in my shorts!”
“Poopy room?” said Yuri.
“He means the bathroom,” giggled Nova. “At least now, he doesn’t pull up my dress in public like he used to….”
“Except when I want boobies and want to be on Mommy’s bare lap!” yelled Alex. “Then, me make mommy undress!”
“Boobies?” teased Haruna.
“Well, they’re close to getting teeth, but they still get my breasts now and again,” Nova said. “I already agreed with them it stops when they start getting their teeth in…”
“I don’ have no teeth yet, me mutant alligator,” said Alex.
“I’m gonna have GOOGLEPLEX teeth!” yelled Ariel.
“It might be any day when we start seeing teeth breaking through on you two,” said Derek.
“RAAAAAA!” said Alex as he stuck plastic Dracula teeth in his mouth.
“Alex, you be careful with those,’ Nova scolded as she took them away from him. “You might choke! Who gave those to you?”
“Felicia!” said Alex brightly.
“Felicia and I need to have a little talk,” said Nova. “Derek, did you get the car seats ready in the Subaru yet?”
“Sure did,” Derek said. “Let’s get going. See you two later,” he laughed as he tried to control Alex and Ariel.
After church, they got back home.
A while later, Derek found himself with his jacket off, tie off, shirt partially open, and shoes off as he wandered around the semi-wooded yard placing Easter eggs everywhere.
While doing so, he was also wearing bunny ears!
“Yeah, hippity-hoppity, I’m the friggin’ Easter Bunny today,” he chuckled to himself. “Well, anything to make Alex, Ariel, Star, Aaron and Joshua happy. And Sasha brought Star over to play and get eggs, same with Homer and Wendy with Joshua and Aaron, even though they do not subscribe to our faith. Oh, well, we are going over to their place for Passover Seder next month on Thursday, April the 20th, ,,so our kids will get to learn about their faith, like their kids are learning a little about ours….”
After the Easter Eggs were placed, Derek ran back to Nova and said, “Release ze hounds, Gridley…”
“Derek! They’re children, not hounds!” she joked, giving her husband a playful nudge in the side. “Kids!” she yelled. “We can start looking for the eggs!”
“Yeah, I’ll get them all first,” said Jonathan as he took off laughing with Felicia in tow.
“Jonathan! Give the younger kids a chance!” Nova yelled…
…just as Star Wakefield ran up, looked right at Jonathan, and, given her one-quarter Iscandarian heritage (she looked to be about two, even though she was actually just a bit over eleven months old), she said, “You are a bigger poopyhead than Alexander! For that, off we go!” She then gave Jonathan a kick and ran off.
Alex and Ariel ran off at the same time, and little Aaron and Joshua crawled off, watched closely by their mother.
Nova smiled to herself as she followed Alex and Ariel around, thinking, This should be a great day….
But, as she took off, she heard the doorbell going off.
“Derek, please watch Alex and Ariel. Who the heck is that?”
Derek shrugged as he went to watch the kids. Nova ran off barefoot across the lawn to get to the driveway.
When she got there and opened the gate, she found Katrina waiting there. Katrina had on a black top, dark red skirt, and black sandals.
“Hello,” Nova said. “Nice to see you again. Did you bring Michelle to the egg hunt?”
“She is not interested,” snapped Katrina. “I need to borrow something from you, please?”
“What is it?” Nova said, a little defensively.
“Three liters of gasoline, please,” said Katrina. “Do you have any around?”
“Well, our modern cars don’t use it; they run on heavy water like all other usual cars,” Nova replied. “But Derek has some small hedge trimmers and a small lawnmower for the yard that have small gas engines. I believe we have some around.”
“Good. I will pay you fifteen credits for three liters’ worth of gasoline and the use of a container. I urgently have need of them.”
“And why is that?” Nova said.
“I need to set fire to something at Foxworth Manor. Urgently. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not Dawn or her stupid vile pilot husband who hit me.”
Nova’s eyebrows went up. “Do you have your car, Katrina?”
“I do, yes,” she said.
“Good.” Nova ran up to Derek, grabbed up her thongs and hat, and said, “Derek, I’ll be away for a few minutes. Could you watch the kids?”
“Where are you going all of a sudden?” Derek asked, a little mystified.
“Not far. Just over to Katrina’s with her. She bought some gasoline from us.”
“Gasoline?” said Derek.
Nova whispered in his ear, “She said she needs to…set something on fire at Foxworth Manor? I’m going with her just want to be sure she doesn’t hurt herself,” Nova said as she took her handbag and carried it along with the gasoline.
They arrived at Foxworth Manor a few minutes later, driving through the gates in Katrina’s new black Nissan 295Z sports car and flying around an access driveway to the backyard.
Katrina stopped, and she got out, grabbing the can of gasoline out of Nova’s startled hands as she ran off to a pile of something in the yard.
When Nova drew close, she saw that it was…
…a pile of clothes?
“Katrina, what are half of Foxy’s clothes doing out on the lawn? I recognize this tasteless old orange shirt of his…and he borrowed this old sweater from Derek years ago and never gave it back,” Nova said as she grabbed up a white V-neck sweater trimmed in red.
“That
is one of the most tasteless of his garments! He looks like a nerd when he
wears it! Whoever bought this for him should be shot!” snapped Katrina as she
grabbed the sweater out of Nova’s hands. “Ze gas should go on this thing first!
You see, I plan to dispose of the tasteless clothes by burning them!”
Nova looked very annoyed. “Katrina Foxworth-Savela, that sweater was
something I bought for Derek for Christmas in 2203! And he looked cute in it!”
“You bought zat for Wildstar? Maybe I should throw you in pile and set you on fire!”
“Try it,” Nova said with a dangerous look in her eyes that made Katrina step back.
“hee…hee…vas only kidding, Nova, can’t you take joke?”
“I hope the idea of setting Foxy’s things on fire is a big sick joke! I’d never do anything like this to Derek! And where is Foxy?”
“Sleeping.”
“And why is he still sleeping at 2PM, Katrina?”
“I gave him some punch zis morning.”
“How does punch put someone to sleep?” Nova said, puzzled.
“Does the job if you put grain alcohol in it. I got idea from you when you tried to quiet down Derek once.”
“Katrina, you’re…weird,” said Nova with a smile on her face. “Now, can’t we take this into the house, and when Foxy wakes up, let him go through these things and see what he wants to give to charity? And I do hope you are replacing these clothes?”
“Yes. I buy him new wardrobe tomorrow. After he sleeps off grain alcohol and punch cocktail.”
“So?”
“I’m still burning his tasteless crap. Step aside, Nova. Zat sundress you have on must be quite flammable…” said Katrina as she began to slop gasoline over the pile of clothes.
“Don’t ask me for a match or lighter,” huffed Nova. “I wouldn’t give you one if I had one in my handbag. You are quite mad today.”
“What are you other reasons?” said Katrina as she slopped gasoline around. “I hate that stupid paisley shirt, Foxy. I HATE it!” she said as she spilled gas on the shirt in question. “And what is zis thing with the frills? And the purple velvet suit? You look like member of bad pretend rock band in ancient sitcom when you vear zat. The one vid Shirley Cassady and the bus and ze obnoxious children!”
Nova rolled up her eyes. “That show was sort of cute.”
“You vould think anything that is sickening is cute. You are the queen of cute,” huffed Katrina. “Stand back before I set your hair on fire,” she said as she lit a large kitchen match.
Then, Katrina threw it on the pile of clothes. A shirt rapidly caught on fire, and so did the velvet suit.
Soon, the fire spread with a huge blast. Nova had to drag Katrina back from the bonfire because Katrina was rubbing her hands like some deranged Imp from Hell and laughing at the fire. She was practically drooling over it.
Destructive soul, aren’t you? Nova sighed to herself. Foxy will be so mad when he wakes up!
Katrina laughed at the fire and said, “There goes your stupid Southern Colonel outfit! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! There goes your stupid pink shirt! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Foxy staggered out onto the lawn a moment later, yawning. He had on only pajama bottoms. “Hmmmmmmhhhhhppphhhh…Morning, ladies. Katrina, are you burning grass clippings?”
“NO. Have a look at what I am burning!” she said proudly.
“Nova, what are you doing here?” yawned Foxy.
“Making sure she doesn’t burn herself; she’s acting like a friggin’ child,” Nova snapped irritably. Her phone went off and she answered it. “Derek? Yes, I’m at Foxy and Katrina’s. Yes, I am coming back! No, tell Ariel I did not leave the country! Alex? Where did he ever get the idea that the Easter Bunny eats people? No! He does not eat little boys’ thingies off!”
“Aaaaaaaaak! My clothes. My Southern Colonel outfit! My…my…purple suit! My polka-dotted shirt!” Foxy screamed. “Katrina Foxwoth-Savela! HOW COULD YOU?”
“Derek, if you wonder what Foxy is screaming about…Katrina appropriated gasoline from your lawn tools and she set half of Foxy’s clothes on fire. What? No, I did NOT know what Katrina was going to do with the gasoline, Derek!” Nova yelled into the phone.
Foxy whimpered, “Katrina, put it OUT!”
Katrina shook her head as Nova said into the phone. “Derek, don’t blame me for this! You’re being RIDICULOUS!”
“What do you mean you’re not putting it out?” yelled Foxy.
“I said I am not putting it out; ve are going shopping tomorrow!”
“”Derek, I have to go…we’ll finish this at home…right now, I have to keep them from killing each other,” Nova said. “Yeah, love you too. Smooches. Bye!” Nova hung up and turned to Katrina. “Stop laughing at him! He can’t help it if he’s crying!”
“He should cry, buying such ugly and tasteless things,” said Katrina. “His taste is execrable!”
“How could you BURN my Scouse the Mouse T-shirt?” yelled Foxy through his angry tears. “Why did you burn my Puffy the Snail T-shirt?”
“Grown men should not vear shirts with cartoon characters meant to appeal to bratty toddlers on zem!” said Katrina. “Nova, do your bratty toddlers enjoy Puffy the Snail?”
“They do, but, come on, Katrina! They are not bratty!” Nova said. The phone rang again and Nova answered it. “Yes?”
It was Alex, singing, “Poopy poopy Poopy! Poopy Pooopy POOPY! Poopy Poopy POOPY!” into it at the top of his lungs and giggling.
“Alexander, how did you get your father’s cell phone?” demanded Nova.
“What’s he singing about?” said Katrina.
“Poopy,” sighed Nova. “Alex, get your father on the phone NOW! If he thinks this is funny…”
“I DON’T THINK THIS IS FUNNY AT ALL!” yelled Foxy.
“YOU are being an idiot, Foxy!” yelled back Katrina.
“ALEX, GET YOUR FATHER ON THE PHONE NOW!” yelled Nova into her phone.
“YOU ARE THE IDIOT, KATRINA!” yelled Foxy.
“Foxy, don’t spit on her!” Nova yelled as she got between them. “Derek how did YOUR son get a hold of your phone? You what? You let him PLAY with it!?? GOD!”
“I am not spitting on her, she spit on me!” yelled Foxy.
“He is being rude and foolish!” yelled back Katrina.
“Derek, I will be home! Stop taking that tone with me!” snapped Nova into the phone. “YOU TWO QUIT IT!” Nova yelled at Foxy and Katrina.
“You are not my mother, Nova Dawn Yukiko Wildstar!” snapped Katrina.
“Derek, I have to go, I will be home soon, I promise. No, I am not letting the Easter Bunny eat me!” Nova said as she hung up. “Now I know where Alex gets these outlandish ideas from; his father!”
“YOU ARE A POOPYHEAD, KATRINA!” yelled Foxy.
“I am not Poopyhead, you are, Kazuo Foxworth-Savela!” yelled back Katrina.
“Stop it, you are both acting like POOPYHEADS!” said Nova.
“Oh?” said Kazuo.
“Me?” said Katrina.
Nova sighed, “Do you want to get a hose to put this fire out, Katrina, or shall I?”
“You do it, Nova. I do not condescend to use hoses. They mess up my delicate skin,” said Katrina.
“Go on and help your friend, damnit,” said Foxy. “You always say I owe you? This time, you owe ME!” he barked back. “I am getting dressed and going out somewhere!”
“Where?” said Katrina. “Can I come?”
“NO YOU CAN’T!” said Foxy as he stalked off.
Nova came back with a garden hose. “Congratulations; Katrina, you have just gotten him very mad at you with this childish stunt!”
“You weren’t being very nice to Derek before,” said Katrina. “You seem irritable and on edge today.”
“With friends like you…can I be blamed?” Nova sighed as she turned on the hose and began to spray down the fire. “And you owe me money for that gasoline.”
A FEW HOURS LATER….
At home, Nova had finally accepted a back rub from Derek as a peace offering.
She lay undressed on her bed receiving the rubdown while Derek said, “What is wrong with those two?”
“They’re butting heads for dominance right now; happens now and then to all couples,” sighed Nova. “You’re saying Alex just grabbed the phone out of your pocket?”
“I let him play with it for a minute; I didn’t know he was smart enough to turn it on, Nova.”
Nova giggled. “Neither did I. Oh, those kids! And that Star Wakefield!”
“Yeah, she’s crazy,” said Derek as he laughed.
THE NEXT DAY…
“Madam, he will love this shirt,” said the clerk in an elegant, tony, high-class store in Shinjuku downtown.
“He looks good in it,” said Katrina.
“I sort of like it,” moaned Foxy. “Katrina, do we have to replace my whole wardrobe today?”
“Today is just ze basics,” said Katrina. “Tomorrow, before I go to work, I buy you accessories…”
:”I like that Hawaiian shirt over there,” he said.
“Too brightly colored; buy the one with the black background,” said Katrina.
“You like everything to be black white or red,” whined Foxy.
“They look good on you,” said Katrina. She hugged him. “I just vant you to look good. You are handsome,” she said softly as she caressed his cheek.
“That is the reason you burned my…stranger things?”
Katrina nodded.
“That’s sweet of you,” said Foxy. “But…please let me have some strange things, too?”
“Why?”
“I…I like to look normal at times. At other times…I like to be a bit…eccentric.”
“We’ll see if we can find a happy medium,” said Katrina as she kissed him. “We do have to go through four more stores today, you know…”
“Hoo boy,” said Foxy.
Katrina smiled at him. “But when we get home later, your new clothes?”
“Yes?”
“I will be taking them off you,” whispered Katrina in his ear. “Because I want you…”
Foxy smiled at her and kissed her. She kissed back.
At the Wildstars, it was afternoon. Derek had the day off, and Nova would not return to class until the next day.
Nova gave Derek a kiss, having made up from their tiff the previous day. However, Nova found herself feeling irritable and hyper-sensitive for some reason as she fed Ariel in her high chair.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Derek?” she said.
“What’s the problem?” Derek said.
“I feel as if….everything either makes me want to scream…or cry. I don’t quite know what’s wrong,” Nova said as she knelt on the floor in her shorts and bikini top to give Ariel (clad in a light sundress) her food. Derek was nearby, pushing a toy truck around on the floor with Alex both of them were bare-chested and wore shorts; Jonathan had returned to school today.
“We were sort of at each other a lot yesterday, Nova. There was too much going on. Thank you for getting back after we argued on the phone.”
“You’re welcome, Derek,” Nova said as she winked at him while Ariel said, “Mommy not mad at Daddy?”
My God, she’s perceptive, Nova thought. “No. Mommy not mad at Daddy.”
“Does Daddy still want to make Mommy take a long walk?” giggled Alex.
“Alex, we promised we weren’t going to repeat that in front of Mommy!” Derek said. Alex giggled, while Nova came up behind Derek and asked, “Did you tell Alexander you were going to have me take a long walk off a short pier?”
Derek nodded shame-facedly. Nova pulled some of his hair quickly. Derek yelled “OUCH!” Nova giggled and gave him a kiss on the neck. “That should make it feel better.” She then whispered. “To be continued when it’s the kids’ naptime.”
Derek smiled at Nova and they kissed.
Then, the doorbell rang.
“Who’s that?” said Derek.
“That had better not be Katrina,” Nova sighed. “I asked her not to come back until this weekend for dinner to give her and Foxy a chance to cool down.” Nova ran with barefoot grace to the door and she opened it.
“Mother?” said Nova. Her mother was standing there holding suitcases with her children David and Aurora beside her. “Mom, what are you doing here unannounced?”
“Your father and I had a big fight. He threw me out! He also took my keys to the apartment here in the Megalopolis! Can I stay with you and Derek for a few days, Nova? PLEASE?”
Then, Nova’s mother Teri began to cry. Derek ran in holding Alex by the hand and looked on, surprised. “Mrs. Forrester?” he said.
“Derek, Karl threw me out! I think we’re getting a divorce! I need a place to stay! Can you and Nova help me?”
Nova and Derek looked at each other quizzically. Nova then motioned Derek aside and said, “I don’t see a problem…it can only be for a few days, Derek…”
“Do we have the room?” Derek said. “The lower floor of the guesthouse isn’t finished.”
“We do have the remaining guest room for her,” Nova said. “And we can hold off on giving Alex and Ariel their own rooms for a few days so my brother and sister can share a room.”
“This had only better be for a few days,” Derek sighed.
“It will be,” Nova promised. “All right, Mother. You can stay with us…but it will have to be for only a few days…”
“Good. Thank you! Nova, you are such a good daughter! And thank you, Derek. I promise we won’t be much trouble…”
“Thanks,” said Derek.
Of course, this promise, like many other such promises…was made to be broken.
To Be Continued….with Chapter Two “Pressure”