Yuki awoke to the shrill sound of the phone. It had been ringing for several moments. She hauled herself out of bed and went to sit before the monitor. After activating Voice Only she picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

A man spoke to her.

"Yes, this is Yuki…understood…I can be there in about half an hour."

Yuki stretched, and yawned. A glance at the clock informed her it was nearly three in the morning. Groaning, she picked up the receiver and dialed. "Momma? I’m really sorry to wake you. Can you come over and stay with the children? I have to report to Commander Todo."

"Of course, darling. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes," her mother said in a sleepy voice.

Yuki thanked her and hung up the phone. Looking at the bed, she imagined a drowsy Kodai looking up at her to ask what was happening. She let her fingers slide across his pillow. It had only been a month, but from the first day Yuki had felt terribly lonely. Almost time for you to return from patrol, she thought. As she walked to the bathroom, she stretched again in an effort to wake up. She peeled off her tank top and underwear, and stepped into the stall to take a quick shower.

A short while later, Yuki had dressed and was combing her hair. She heard a noise on the first floor. "Momma?" she called down softly from the top of the stairs.

"It’s me, dear," said her mother. Lights flickered on and cast the staircase rail into a harsh relief against the wall.

Yuki returned to the bedroom to finish her grooming. When she was ready, she strode down the hall to check on the children. Mamoru, who had just turned four, and Miyuki, eight months, were sleeping quietly. Yuki backed softly out of their rooms and joined her mother in the foyer. They greeted each other with a brief hug. "I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I just went shopping so there’s plenty of food. I’ll call as soon as I know what’s going on."

The weather had been cool lately; Yuki’s mother helped her into a coat. "Don’t worry about a thing. I can stay as long as you need me."

"Thanks, Momma!" Yuki hugged her again. "Get some sleep," she added as she walked out the door. It was cold this early in the morning; she pulled against the collar tightly. The neighborhood was still and dark, dappled with light from porches and street fixtures. Yuki powered up the car and sped off.

The bustle of EDF Command was a sharp contrast to the calmness Yuki had left at home. She parked her car in her allotted spot. Shrugging off her coat, she tossed it into the back seat. She walked the familiar path to the Commander’s office.

The night administrative officer, Hirota, was seated at the desk outside the Commander’s office. He had been talking at a clipped pace into the phone. He hung up as Yuki approached and stood up.

"Miss Yuki, the Commander wants to see you immediately. I’ll let him know you’re here."

Yuki nodded, and walked through the short hallway into his office. Lit only by desk lamps, the room was almost dark. There were several people inside, all men. They jumped to their feet when she opened the door.

"Yuki!" said Todo, and quickly ushered her to a seat by his desk. A second figure pulled up a chair beside them.

Yuki looked at him in surprise. "Sanada-san! I thought you were out on patrol with Kodai."

Sanada looked at her gravely. Deep circles hung from his eyes, which were red and bloodshot. Despite the dim light, Yuki noticed that his uniform was rumpled and scuffed, as if he hadn’t changed in several days. "I was out on patrol. We just returned." He held her gaze for a moment. He lowered his face into his hands, but not before Yuki noticed the glint of a tear.

She looked at Todo. "Commander? What’s going on?"

Todo rested his hand on Yuki’s forearm. "Yuki, several of the crew from the Zuikaku’s recent patrol are missing. Kodai is one of them."

Her mouth gaped open. She found it difficult to speak. "M-missing? How? I thought…this was supposed to be a routine patrol?"

"It was," said Todo. "Sanada can better explain what happened."

Sanada took a deep breath and looked up. "I’m sorry, Yuki. We’re still trying to figure out what kind of phenomenon we’re dealing with. We had just come out of warp. For hours the systems were fine, everything was fine. Then the instruments started going haywire, but only for a moment. Reports started to come in that something was passing through the ship. The crew had a difficult time describing what it was. Like a shadow, some said, but darker. Then it appeared on the bridge. It moved so quickly! It passed by Kodai, and then just like that, he disappeared! Ota was taken as well. I think about, how many, ten—"

"Fourteen," said a voice behind him.

"—fourteen men altogether vanished. We tried everything, ran every test to figure out where they had gone. Whatever it was, it also left the ship significantly damaged. Theoretically, the…"

By this time, Yuki was barely listening. Sanada’s voice began to fade. She stared morosely ahead, and her eyes were unfocused. Missing! she said to herself, and the thought echoed about in her head repeatedly. Susumu! Does this mean that you’re…

A hand gently shook her shoulder. "Yuki!" Todo said. He said her name again, and squeezed her shoulder until he was certain he had her attention. "Please have faith. Sanada thinks the men were caught in some sort of warp. They’re probably still alive, but in some other place or dimension. It’s just a matter of finding them."

Yuki stared at him. By this time, her cheeks were wet with tears and her face was flushed. "How long…?" The words caught in her throat.

Todo regarded her with a tender expression. I can’t possibly imagine how difficult this is for you, dear Yuki. "As soon as the Zuikaku is refitted, I’m ordering a search and rescue mission. Sanada has volunteered to lead it."

"We can be ready in two days," Sanada said. "We’ll find him, I’m sure of it!"

Yuki coarsely wiped at her face. Her voice was quiet, but determined. "I can join you today. What do you need me to do?"

Todo swallowed and drew back. He and Sanada exchanged we-knew-this-was-coming glances. "Yuki," Todo began, "I think Kodai would want you to stay and take care of the children." He stayed her with a hand as Yuki challenged him with a defiant expression. "I know you’re desperate to go, but we can’t afford for anything to happen to you. Think of Mamoru and Miyuki! They’re going to need their mother during this difficult time."

Yuki stood up so quickly that the chair tipped back onto the floor. Her eyes, brimming again with tears, latched onto Todo’s. "You can’t make me stay. I can’t bear the waiting. I…I…" She stopped herself. She knew Todo was right; the children would need her. Kodai would be heartbroken if she placed herself in danger unnecessarily, even if it were to search for him. Yuki swayed; Sanada put an arm round her shoulders to steady her. She collapsed against his chest and began to cry. "I thought all of this was over! This was supposed to be a routine patrol…just a routine…"

Sanada lightly stroked the back of her head. "I’m sorry, Yuki," he murmured over the sound of her muffled sobs. "We’ll find him. We have to!"

Long moments passed. Todo spoke when it seemed as though Yuki’s crying had begun to subside. "I have to meet with the other families. Yuki, are your parents home?"

She lifted up her head. "My mother is at our house with the children."

"Good," said Todo. "I’m going to call and ask that she stay with you for a while." He picked up the phone to make the call.

Sanada placed his hands on Yuki’s shoulders. "I’ll keep you regularly posted. I promise I won’t come back until I find him!"

Yuki sniffed and looked up at him. "Sanada-san, I have every confidence in you. But you needn’t spend the rest of your life looking. Please, just be safe!" Yuki embraced him briefly and stood back.

Sanada nodded, then left the office with several of the men. Todo had finished speaking with Yuki’s mother and was now phoning Hirota from the administrator’s desk.

He stepped through the door a moment later. "Yes, sir?"

"Please escort Miss Yuki back home." To Yuki, he said, "I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m releasing you from duty until further notice. I know it’s going to be hard, but get some rest and keep up your strength—for the children."

Yuki felt too drained to respond. She bowed her head in acknowledgement and followed Hirota out the door.

Hirota drove Yuki home and saw her to the front door. He left only after he was secure in the knowledge that her mother was there to receive her. It was still dark; pulling up the collar of his overcoat, he walked back out into the night.

Before even removing her coat, Yuki went to the bar. She poured herself a shot of vodka and swiftly downed it. The neck of the bottle clinked dully against the glass as she poured another. She drank a third shot, then a fourth. She closed her eyes, immersing herself in the burning sensation that coursed down her throat. Hurry, she thought, I don’t want to feel anything.
Yuki’s mother had been watching from across the room. When she came over and tried to intervene, Yuki pushed her away. Clutching the bottle, she stumbled to the living room couch and sat down. Frustrated groans issued from her mouth as she shoved off her coat and loosened the top of her uniform. Her stomach still felt like it was tied up in a thousand knots. Yuki tossed back another shot. Her hands clutched the bottle loosely as she stared absentmindedly into space.

Her mother sat gingerly on the couch beside her. Her eyes were lined with worry. She reached out a hand and began to stroke Yuki’s back. "My dear, sweet daughter," she said. "I’m so sorry!"

Yuki’s lower lip began to tremble. "What am I going to do, Momma? How long am I supposed to wait?" She turned to her mother with an expression fraught with grief. "I love him so much!"

Mori-san drew Yuki into her arms. Yuki let her cheek rest on her mother’s chest. In the soothing warmth of her arms, Yuki cried herself to sleep.

Yuki awoke with a start. Pale light from the windows filtered into the living room where she lay. What time is it? she wondered. She sat up and twisted around to look at the clock on the wall. It was nearly seven-thirty. Yuki put a hand to her forehead. She still felt drunk. The coffee table was bare except for the light ring stain where the shot glass had been. Her mother must have taken it away.

Yuki heard a voice and strained to listen. It was her mother’s voice, and it came from the study. She must be on the phone. Yuki changed into a sitting position. The rug felt cool against her bare feet. She rubbed at her eyes. There had been very few times when she had felt this awful. What am I going to do? What will I tell the children?

At that moment, the doorbell rang.

Yuki’s shoulders drooped. She was in no shape for company right now. The doorbell rang again, and was followed by an urgent knock. Yuki threw off the blanket and straightened her uniform as best she could on her way to the door.

Shima was pacing frantically across the porch. He looked at Yuki in consternation as she opened the door and stepped back to let him inside.

"Oh, my god, you look…I came over as soon as I heard. Yuki!"

She did not want to meet his eyes for fear she would start to cry again. Shima followed her into the house. "Yuki! Oh, hello, Mori-san."

Yuki’s mother greeted Shima and told them she would be in the kitchen making breakfast. "I’ll answer the door if it rings. You two go in and talk."

Soon the smell of coffee and rice permeated the air. Shima walked Yuki to the living room and sat with her on the couch. He held her hand. "You’re mother called me, and I spoke with Sanada-san right after that. What rotten luck."

Yuki risked a glance at him. His eyes were rimmed with red. Yuki squeezed his fingers. "For you, too," she said, and managed a weak smile.

Shima cleared his throat and looked away. "Yeah, well, it’s not like I have two kids by him."

"Are you going with Sanada-san?" Shima looked back at her as though he were working out a complex mathematical formula in his head. He’s trying not to cry, thought Yuki.

He abruptly averted her gaze. "No. I was denied permission."

Yuki thought she detected another meaning behind his words. "No, you weren’t."

Shima grinned. "I told the Commander you wouldn’t buy it! You’re right. My orders are to look after you." He leaned back, but kept his hand over Yuki’s.

Yuki felt grateful, but also a little indignant. "Shima, if you want to go, you should go. I can manage. It’s not as if he’s dead, is it?"

"Yuki, we both know Sanada-san is perfectly capable of finding Kodai on his own. I’d just get in the way. Besides, there are more important things for me to do…like pouncing on this little monster!"

Shima jumped up and swung over the back of the couch to mock wrestle Mamoru, who, still in his pajamas, had been trying (with little luck and a lot of noise) to sneak up on him. Mamoru shrieked with laughter as Shima picked him up and tossed him up in the air.

Yuki raised a hand to her cheek. "Oh, I forgot! Miyuki’s probably awake. I better go get her."

Her mother came sweeping into the room just then, and deposited two cups of coffee on the table. She gently pushed Yuki back onto the couch. "Not to worry, dear, I’ll get her. Have some coffee, now, everything’s taken care of. Your father will be along in a while." She glided up the stairs to the second floor.

Mamoru’s presence suddenly reminded her that he would have to be told. How do I explain it so he’ll understand? I don’t want him to worry!

But Shima had already anticipated the need. He deposited Mamoru on the couch between them and asked for him to quiet down. "I have something really important to talk to you about, sport."

Mamoru stopped wiggling his feet, and carefully folded his small hands. His brown eyes paid rapt attention to his uncle Shima’s face.

Shima continued. "You’re dad is going to be away longer than we thought. I’m putting you in charge of being the lookout, so when he does come back, you’ll be the first to spot him. Your mother and sister are counting on you. I’m counting on you." Shima spoke more softly. "Do you understand?"

Mamoru nodded. He looked at his mother. She had started to cry, and was facing away. Mamoru shifted to a kneeling position and began to gently stroke his mother’s hair. A muffled sob was heard before Yuki turned and pulled him into an embrace. She stared at Shima gratefully through her tears.

Friends and family passed through the Kodai residence all day long. It was a strange affair, being not a wake or a funeral, but yet still like one. Between Shima and her mother, Yuki managed to keep afloat amid the sea of mourners who came to pay their respects and express hope for Kodai’s rescue. Many of their former crewmates stopped by to visit and sympathize with Yuki’s plight. Over tea and other refreshments tirelessly provided by Mori-san, they speculated about the cause of his disappearance. Those with an engineering background pledged their services or know-how to Sanada’s mission.

Sanada himself showed up late in the day ("I can only stay for a minute. Where’s Yuki?"), looking exhausted and bleary-eyed from the preparations. He gratefully accepted some coffee and spent a few hushed minutes with Yuki and Shima before leaving.

When Mori-san noticed Yuki slumped against Shima on the couch, she shooed everyone home until the silence in the house resembled a morgue. She put the children to bed, and enlisted Shima to help carry Yuki to the master bedroom. While her mother stripped off her clothes and cocooned her with blankets, Shima dutifully washed dishes and performed some general clean up. When he was done, he started to head back upstairs.

He encountered little Mamoru in the foyer, staring out the open door.

Shima started to say his name, but his voice caught in his throat. He knelt down beside him. A breeze had filtered into the opening. When Shima placed his hand on Mamoru’s shoulder, the pajama top felt cool. "Are you going somewhere?" Shima asked him.

Mamoru shook his head. "I’m looking out for Papa."

Shima sighed. I hope I explained it the right way, he thought. "Well, that’s enough for tonight. Lookouts need their sleep, too, so up we go!" Shima picked him up and carried him back to bed.

A short while later, as he drove home, Shima was haunted by Yuki’s sorrowful expression. Her eyes had been etched with red and her lids swollen from tears. Her voice had sounded numb throughout the day, as if she were in a perpetual state of anesthesia. He dreaded what losing Kodai would mean for them, especially Yuki. Sanada-san, he thought, I hope to god you find him.

Todo looked up in surprise to see Yuki standing before his desk. She was dressed in her uniform. He put aside the report he had been reading, and invited her to sit down. He made a silent note of her pale skin. He wondered if she had lost a few pounds.

"Can I get you some coffee? Tea?" he asked.

Yuki shook her head. She wrung her hands nervously. "I…I know we spoke a few days ago, but…I was wondering if you’ve heard anything?"

Todo shook his head slowly. "But when I do get a report, you won’t have to come all the way over here to get the news. I’ll track you down wherever you are to let you know, believe me! Now, what else can I do for you?"

Yuki smiled briefly and tucked in a stray piece of hair. "I think it would be easier to wait here, than wait at home, if you know what I mean. I’m going crazy there! I’d like to come back to work."

Todo stared at her, so much so that Yuki delicately raised an eyebrow. "Would that be acceptable?" she asked.

Todo chuckled. "Pardon, me, Yuki, but of course that’s acceptable. The question is, do you feel up to it?"

Yuki blushed and looked down. "I don’t know, to be honest with you," she said in a quiet voice. "Maybe you could start me off with something small. Even some routine data entry would be fine." She looked up at him desperately. "I can’t stand to be alone like this. My mother’s been great, and of course I always love being around the children, but…" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "I feel closer to him here!"

Todo nodded. "I understand. Just be sure and tell me if it becomes too overwhelming."

Yuki nodded back and thanked him. He instructed her to see Hirota about some assignments, and turned back to his report. I hope this is for the best, he mused. Yuki, I think you’re in for the long haul.

Yuki found the work a welcome respite—for a time. Her fingers flew over the keys each day as she sat at the computer performing various administrative tasks. She had become weary from people constantly phoning or coming to the house to visit. They always wanted news of Kodai, and she had none. She had the feeling that they were checking on her to see how she was coping. She would catch their friends looking at her, thinking she didn’t notice their pity-filled expressions. Yuki knew they meant well, but their presence only served as a constant reminder of her husband’s absence.

The only person besides her mother with whom Yuki felt comfortable was Shima. Somehow he knew when to be quiet, and when to comfort her with a soft-spoken word. He was an invaluable distraction for the children as well. Yuki just hadn’t had the strength to entertain them much these past few weeks. It was becoming more and more difficult to sleep, and her appetite was fast diminishing. She felt a twinge of guilt. I’m sorry, little ones. Momma is having a really hard time right now. Things will be better soon. Her eyes caught a group of young officers walking down the corridor by the office. There was a captain or two among them. Yuki’s eyes glazed over; she was thinking about what Kodai would want for dinner that night.

A stack of hardcopy landed on the desk beside her. Yuki was jolted out of her reverie. She checked her watch and gasped. An hour had gone by and she had done nothing but stare at the screen. Embarrassed, she huddled over the keyboard and quickly resumed her work.

Yuki slumped against the chair by the phone, and let the tears flow. Despite a hefty expense, she had contacted Sanada aboard the Zuikaku from home to check on the mission’s progress. It was late afternoon for Yuki; Sanada had only been up a few hours. He had spoken to her very guardedly, she thought (or maybe it was just the connection). His words were peppered with detailed technical terms, some of which she understood, some of which went completely over her head. But the long and short of it was that Kodai had still not been found, which Yuki had known even before she made the call. She thanked Sanada effusively, and they closed the link.

She was alone with the children today. Her mother would stay over only occasionally now, and during those times, they would talk far into the night. Yuki was amazed at her mother’s strength as she fed and bathed and played with the children like a woman half her age. Yuki began to cry even harder at her own sense of helplessness.

When her tears were spent, she went to check on the children. Miyuki had been napping and was still asleep. Yuki found Mamoru playing quietly in his room. She joined him for a while, and he was so excited that he eventually unloaded every toy from the chest in the corner. Yuki invited him down for a snack and they spent some time on the computer together solving children’s puzzles after that.

Around three-thirty, the doorbell rang. Yuki left Mamoru to himself while she answered the door.

"Shima, dear! Come on in. Don’t mind me," she said, pointing to her casual green pants and t-shirt. "Mamoru and I were just playing on the computer."

Shima dismissed her comment with a wave and walked in. He was carrying a package. "You’d look good in a burlap sac! Oh, uh…" he said, and blushed as soon as he had spoken.

Yuki’s lips parted in a shy smile. "I’ll make us some tea. Mamoru! Look who’s here!"

Her son’s feet pounded against the floor as he ran up to Shima. He grabbed his hand. "Come on, I’ll show you the computer!" he said merrily.

"Well I have something to show you first," Shima told him, and walked him into the kitchen. He set the package on the floor. "I hope you don’t mind," he told Yuki as he started to unwrap it, "I passed by that new toy store downtown, and they had some really good stuff. I picked up a couple things for the kids. Here, help me with this," he said to Mamoru, who was staring at the package as if the lives of the world depended on his utmost concentration. Mamoru tore into the variety of toys he found inside. Items that were clearly meant for his sister he tossed casually aside, but he proudly displayed for his mother the ones that were meant for him.

Yuki dutifully celebrated each one with him as she set out cups and condiments for tea. "Shima, this is so much! Thank you," she said, and looked at him gratefully. "What do we say, Mamoru?"

Mamoru dropped the model he was examining and threw his arms around Shima’s neck. "Thank you uncle!" he said.

"You’re welcome, sport! You’re mother and I are going to have some tea now. Why don’t you take these over there and I’ll join you in a little bit." Shima stood up and joined Yuki at the kitchen table. For a moment, they watched Mamoru and his exodus of toys into the living room.

Yuki smiled. "Well, I guess I know what he’s doing the rest of the weekend! He’ll be going on about those toys for days." She poured them both some tea, and passed him some lemon cookies.

They were quiet for a while, sipping tea and listening to Mamoru as he chatted gaily with his toys. Shima broke the silence.

"You talked with Sanada-san today, didn’t you?"

Yuki looked at him with a frown. "How did you—oh," she said, and rubbed at her eyes. She laughed wryly. "Am I that transparent?"

"Sometimes," he told her. "How are the children doing?"

"Oh, all right I guess. At least Miyuki is. She’s too young to really be aware that something’s different."

"And Mamoru?" he prompted, and took another sip of tea.

"I’m a little worried about him." Yuki lowered her voice. "You know the picture of Kodai on the shelf by the mantel?"

Shima nodded.

"Well, he touches it almost every day." Yuki’s voice quavered. "He must have seen me do it!" She covered her mouth with a hand and shut her eyes. A tear spilled into her cup. "I try not to let him see me cry, but I want to all the time. It’s so hard!"

"Yuki!" Shima said, and looked at her with concern. He passed her a napkin. "I miss him, too," was all he could think of to say.

Yuki wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I worry that if too much time goes by, it means he’ll never be found. "But then I think, stranger things have happened to us all. He’s probably been in worse danger than this. I shouldn’t lose hope."

Shima nodded. "Maybe I should call your mother, have her come over…"

Yuki shook her head. "I’ll be fine, really. She calls me almost every day." Yuki looked at him for a moment. She reached over and squeezed part of his forearm. "And even a short visit from you goes a long way. Thanks for keeping me sane!"

Shima grunted and looked down, feeling embarrassed, but also glad. "Well," he said, and drained his cup, "I’d better keep my promise to little junior in there. I won’t keep you long."

"Oh, no, stay as long as you like. Excuse me for a moment while I check on Miyuki." Yuki slid off her chair and began to head upstairs. Her gaze lingered on Shima for a moment as he dropped to the floor by her son. It seemed as though guilt waylaid her almost as often as tears these days. I know even better now why Kodai considers you his best friend. You’re one of the most thoughtful people on the planet. Sorry I’m such a burden to you. If Susumu is never found, are you under orders to look after me forever?

It was late on a Sunday night. The clock approached one a.m. Convinced he was encumbered with another bout of tossing and turning, Shima threw off the covers and went downstairs to his den. He poured himself some red wine and turned on the television. He was drinking a lot more than usual lately, which no doubt was affecting his sleep. Shima buried the nay-saying thoughts, and tried to find something distracting enough to watch. A dull, flickering glow splashed across the room as the images shifted.

His thoughts drifted to Yuki, and he hoped she was finding solace in the precious sleep that was escaping him. This is almost worse than him being dead, he thought. At least then, we’d know for sure. You have two small children and a wife who adores you, asshole. Why did you have to go off this particular time? Haven’t you had enough adventure?

Shima groaned and drained the rest of the wine in one gulp. He was about to refill his glass when the phone rang. An extension was on the table next to the couch; he picked it up.

"Hello?" Silence greeted him from the other end. "Hello? Who’s there?"

He had decided to hang up when he heard a noise. Unsteady breathing.

Finally, a voice spoke into his ear. It was very faint. "Shima?"

"Who is this?"

"Yu…it’s Yuki."

Shima sighed in relief. "Well, you’re up late too, huh? Why didn’t you say something? I almost hung up. Yuki?"

"Shima…dearest…" her voice trailed off.

He could feel the muscles of his stomach clench. Something about her voice didn’t sound right. "Yuki? What’s wrong? Are you all right? I can barely hear you!"

"Do you think…you can come over? I took a lot of pills."

Shima could feel the blood drain from his face. He felt shaky. "Yuki? What do you mean, you took a lot of pills? What…oh my god. Just…I’ll be right over. Stay where you are…good grief, what am I saying? Hang on, Yuki! Don’t take any more, okay?"

"Okay," she answered weakly.

"I’m going to hang up now. I’ll see you soon."

Shima didn’t wait for her answer. As soon as he ended the call, he phoned for an ambulance. He ran upstairs to change, and flew back down to his car. His heart was pounding madly. Why, Yuki, why? he muttered to himself repeatedly as the car sped the five blocks to her house.

The ambulance arrived just as he did. Parking the car haphazardly against the curb, he leapt out and ran to the door. Luckily, Yuki had given him a spare key a few weeks earlier, when he had run an errand for her. Shima opened the front door and led the EMT’s inside. They raced up the stairs to the second floor.

Yuki was curled up in the bed, unconscious, the receiver hanging limply from her hand. Shima looked on numbly while the emergency team checked her pulse and blood pressure. He gradually became aware of crying down the hall—Miyuki had woken.

"Is she going to be okay?" Shima asked, hovering to them as close as he dared.

"If we get her out of here now," one of the techs tersely responded. The crackle of a radio sounded as he contacted the ambulance driver. They lifted Yuki onto the stretcher.

Shima whirled around and almost knocked Mamoru over. Shima grabbed his hand and led him out of the room. He retrieved Miyuki and took the children downstairs. "Let’s call grandma," he said, and deliberately made the call in the study where it was quiet, and so that the children wouldn’t see their mother being taken away.

Mori-san became frantic with worry when Shima told her the news, but promised to meet him at the hospital. When Shima escorted the children out the front door, Yuki was being loaded into the ambulance. Strong red and white lights flashed in a sweeping motion across the house and yard.

"Where’s Momma going?" asked Mamoru. He had started to cry, and Miyuki was wailing in Shima’s ear.

"Momma’s not feeling well right now. We’re going to meet her at the hospital." Shima swore upon the realization that he didn’t have a car seat for the baby. He raced back into the house with the children in tow, and looked around desperately for Yuki’s car keys. He eventually found them in her purse on the bedroom nightstand and took it with him. Shima followed the ambulance to Central Hospital, responding to Mamoru’s tearful inquiries as best he could.

The next few hours went by in a blur. Meeting Dr. Sado at the emergency room. Handing the children off to their grandparents. Dealing with admission paperwork and nurses. Shima likened the experience to the rush of navigating an asteroid field while helming Yamato. He was going, going, going, speeding along at a frenzied pace, dodging this obstacle and that. All along hoping and praying that Yuki recovered, that she made it through.

It all came to a sudden halt, and then the waiting began.

Shima sat in the waiting room with Yuki’s parents, a crumpled coffee cup in his hand. Two hours had passed, and still there was no sign of Dr. Sado. Miyuki was curled up in her grandfather’s arms, and Mamoru lay across one of the chairs with his head in his grandmother’s lap. Mori-san was arguing with her husband in hushed tones.

"I called her everyday! She’s not a baby anymore. Did you really expect I should be watching her moves every second?" Mori-san was saying.

"Well, obviously we weren’t paying enough attention," her husband replied in a huff. "Why didn’t we just move her in with us?"

"Because she didn’t want to! She said it would have been too disruptive for the children—"

"And this isn’t?" He gestured toward their surroundings. "This could have been prevented."

"Prevented? Maybe if we were attached at the hip. Stop blaming me when what’s really going on is you’re angry with yourself!"

And on and on. Shima leaned back and crossed his arms. If he could only fall asleep for a short while; the wait would be so much easier. Oh, Yuki! He hoped that the lengthy wait was a sign that they had gotten to her in time.

Shima thought that he must have lapsed into sleep eventually, because when he opened his eyes, Dr. Sado was coming through the door. He spoke to them quietly so as not to disturb the children.

"She’s going to be fine," he said, and removed his glasses for a polish. "We had to pump her stomach and administer some charcoal."

Mori-san tried to stifle a fresh set of tears.

"What did she take?" Shima asked him.

"Some aspirin, combined with a good amount of an antidepressant I had prescribed her."

"Can we see her?" asked her mother.

"She’s asleep, and I don’t recommend waking her, but you can visit for a few minutes each. Leave the children out here, if you don’t mind. Shima, the psychiatrist on duty wants a word with you."

Shima nodded. He and Yuki’s mother followed Dr. Sado while her father stayed with the children in the waiting room. Dr. Sado showed Mori-san where Yuki was sleeping, and motioned for Shima to follow him down the hall. They entered an office, and Dr. Sado motioned for him to take a seat.

Dr. Sado took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "It was close, Shima. Thank goodness she called you, and you had the presence of mind to call an ambulance first."

"What’s going to happen now?" Shima didn’t care if Dr. Sado saw the tear that had fallen down his cheek.

"I’m going to admit her, and assign her a psychiatrist and a counselor. She may have to stay a few weeks."

Shima glanced downward as he processed the information. "I guess it’s for the best."

"The psychiatrist is going to want to ask you a few questions about her functioning in the past couple of weeks. Anything you can share will be helpful."

"Of course!" Shima told him.

"Shima, has there been any news from Sanada?"

He looked at the doctor, and noticed for the first time how weary he appeared. I’ll bet you hardly expected to have Yuki as a patient in this capacity, he thought. "No. Yuki spoke with him a few weeks ago, and there hadn’t been any breakthroughs. I spoke with Todo on Friday, and he was considering recalling the rescue team to give Sanada-san a break."

Dr. Sado sighed. "Well, if that happens, we need to keep an extra close eye on her. She’s feeling very vulnerable right now. If she thinks Sanada is giving up, I’m not sure how long she can hold out."

"Don’t say that!"

Dr. Sado looked at the normally reticent Shima in surprise. "I’ll take care of her and the children until Kodai comes back. It’s too soon to give up!"

"That’s what I want to believe too, Shima," he said. The psychiatrist knocked on the door just then, and Dr. Sado made his exit.

Shima was drilled for nearly an hour by the staff psychiatrist. When they finished, he was granted a few minutes alone with Yuki. She was in a private room on the psychiatric unit, and the corners hid in the dark from the dim light above the bed. Shima pulled up a chair and leaned in closely.

Yuki was tucked in up to her chin. Shima could see faint traces of the charcoal treatment on the edges of her mouth. She lay completely still, and he could barely detect the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

Shima wanted so much to talk to her, to speak soothing words of comfort and support. He wanted to stroke her face and hair. But he dared not risk waking her up. Get better soon, Yuki! Kodai is going to come back soon, and I know you wouldn’t want him to see you like this. The children miss you already. I miss you already. Shima could feel a sob mounting in his chest. He stood up and backed out of the room. He ran around the corner, and dropped to a spot on the floor near the nurses’ station. There, he wept.

"What’s wrong with her, Doctor?" asked Shima. He was looking at Yuki from the psychiatrist’s office through a two way mirror adjoined to the unit common room. She was sitting by herself in a chair by a window. It was bare of any curtains, and bright sunlight spilled generously through the shatterproof windowpane. Her hands lay slackly in her lap.

Three weeks had passed since her admission, and Shima was feeling very impatient. Yuki had spent much of the time bedridden, sleeping up to nearly eighteen hours a day. When the antidepressant had begun to take effect, her eyes would open, but they were so unfocused it was as if she were blind. It was only in the past few days that the nurses were able to bring her out of the room. Staff tried to stimulate her with food, magazine pictures, or lively conversation, but Yuki would only stare passively ahead. She would permit herself to be bathed and groomed, but took no initiative to do anything by herself.

"She’s in the midst of a major depressive episode, marked by a catatonic state with mutism and vegetative features."

Shima kept his gaze fixed on her. "Is that why she doesn’t speak?"

Dr. Asano stood beside him and nodded. "Like I said before, this is one of the most powerful grief reactions that I’ve ever seen. The medications will help, of course, but I’m guessing that what she really needs is her husband."

"There’s got to be something else we can do," said Shima. "Maybe if I take her back home, where the surroundings are familiar. She can be with her children."

"I’m not about to discharge her, Shima. It wouldn’t be safe, because she’s hardly in a position to take care of herself, let alone two children. The medications are still working their way through her system. What she needs now is time, short of her husband returning."

Shima clenched his hands into fists; he had visions of smacking the doctor and chiding his decidedly cool and detached bedside manner. What Shima didn’t realize was the many hours he and Dr. Sado had been devoting to Yuki. They would talk to her, tell her jokes, and spend countless hours consulting with the top grief experts in the country.

Shima began to calm down when he realized he was only projecting his sense of helplessness onto Dr. Asano. "Can I see her now?"

"Of course. I’ll take you into the common room, if you’re comfortable with that."

Shima nodded and followed him out the door. This visit ended up being no different from the last. Shima sat with Yuki and told her again how much he wanted her to get better. He told her about the children, about everything they said or did, the mundane routines included. Their grandparents had taken them in, and kept them at home as one or two earlier visits with their mother had proved too fearful. Mamoru especially was puzzled by her unresponsive state. He had started to act out at home, but Shima deliberately omitted that detail from his tales.

Every day, Shima would go to the hospital to visit her. Usually he went at night after teaching at the Academy, but sometimes he would find a substitute for the morning class, and join Yuki for breakfast. The pastries he brought would go uneaten, but he always picked one up for her anyway. On the weekends, he divided his time between visiting her and relieving her parents of the children. Yuki had a lot of visitors, but the frequency dropped off the longer she stayed. Most of her associates or former crewmembers had a difficult time coping with her strange state. Shima did his best to make them feel comfortable, and kept some semblance of conversation going.

And so it went on.

Sanada watched the screen fade for a long time after ending the link with Command. A weight like an anchor lay on his mind. He would go back to Earth, but he didn’t have to agree with the decision. Although Todo had promised Sanada he could return in a month or so, he wasn’t sure he could trust him. Too many in-house EDF politics could easily demolish any further plans for a search. Even with Kodai having the stature he did, he still was only one man among only fourteen. The Defense Council could very well decide the expense wasn’t worth it, war heroes or not.

And what would he tell Yuki? That is, when she became well enough to talk. Shima had contacted him about her condition over a month ago. Sanada dreaded what it would mean to return to Earth empty-handed. I promised her, he thought. First his brother disappears, now him. I can’t let it end like this! Mamoru, if you can hear me, help your brother get back safely. I couldn’t bear losing both of you!

The mood aboard the Zuikaku was solemn as the crew returned to Earth.

Shima was more drunk than the combined crews of an entire EDF fleet on a weekend leave. At least, that was how he felt.

He stumbled out of Dr. Sado’s office on a late Thursday night. Sloppily waving good-bye, he tucked the parting gift of a sake bottle under his arm. Over the previous four hours, they had polished off three bottles of sake between them. Sanada was heading back to Earth, and the pair had decided on a reverse celebration of sorts. They commiserated on the downturn of events, and Yuki’s deteriorating state, but threw back shot after shot in honor of Sanada’s efforts.

This, of course, was after Shima had spent the better part of the afternoon with Aihara and the others at a local bar.

I better say good-night to Yuki, he thought. Maybe she’ll want a drink, too.

He took several wrong turns, and ended up briefly in the sterilization department before finding the right course to her room. The nurses were so accustomed to his presence by now that they did not bother reminding him it was past visiting hours. Staff admired his fierce dedication, so they usually let him see Yuki whenever he wanted.

Shima entered the room and cursed as he tripped over a chair. He turned on the light and set the sake bottle on the nightstand. He sat on the bed next to her prone form.

After a while, her eyes opened. Shima couldn’t tell if she saw him or not. "Yuki, wake up," he said, his speech slurred. He grunted at the usual non-reaction and grabbed her arms, pulling her up into a sitting position. Shima tilted her head upright. When her hair fell into her face, limp and dull from lack of care, he smoothed it back.

"Say something!" He pressed a hand to her chin and tried to move it up and down. "I can’t read your mind, Yuki. I need to know if you’re okay." Dropping his hand, he reached over for the bottle. "Have a drink with me. Here," he said, and poised the mouth of the bottle to her lips. The liquid merely dribbled down her chin.

Shima was becoming frustrated. He frowned, and took a swig himself. He let the bottle sink onto the bed between his thighs.

Grabbing Yuki’s shoulders, he inched his face closer to hers. "I’m getting sick and tired of seeing you like this! It’s killing me. I’m nothing but a stupid drunk now, can’t you see?" He shook her, and a small moan escaped her lips. "Do you want Kodai to come back and see you like this? Neglecting yourself, neglecting the children?" His voice rose. "Mamoru misses you so much! He asks me every goddamn day where you are, and are you getting better, and when is Momma coming home. This is a critical time for you to bond with Miyuki, and you’re not even around. Think of the children at least, for chrissakes! Snap out of it! If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them at least."

Shima was holding her by now in a tight embrace. He could feel how thin she had become. Anger and sadness were battling for dominance within him. Pressing his face against her neck, he spoke heatedly. "I don’t distinguish between you and Kodai. Both of you are the closest in the world to me. Please don’t do this to me, Yuki. Please don’t leave me!"

Shima rocked back and forth as he held her, and broke down into tears. Her body remained stiff and unyielding. In a sudden fit of anger and desperation, he pulled back, seized the sake bottle, and smashed it against the wall across the room.

"WAKE UP!" he shouted.

The sound brought nurses scrambling into the room. Shima pushed one of them away when she tried to detain him. His eyes were red and swollen, and he collapsed in a drunken stupor in a corner.

"What, are you crazy, giving her alcohol?" one of them scolded Shima.

He ignored him. The nurses hovered around the bed and checked to make sure the IV was still attached, and the equipment in working order. When one of them tried to guide her back to a horizontal position, Yuki stayed her with a hand.

"Ah! Miss Yuki! Would you like to stay up?" The nurse grinned. This was a moment the staff had been talking about for weeks.

Yuki’s mouth worked itself to form a word. "Sh-Shima?"

He was back by her side in a heartbeat. He gently took one of her hands into his. "Yuki? How are you feeling?"

She gazed at him, and this time he was sure she was oriented. "Getting better, I think. What was that noise?"

Shima blushed. "I…I’m sorry. I was upset, and broke a bottle of sake." He glanced at the wall. "I’ll clean it up."

"No need, I’m already on it," said an orderly who had come in earlier at the behest of a nurse.

The relief over Yuki’s recovery coursed through Shima so quickly that tears streamed down his face in rapid succession. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She seemed tired, but was alert.

"Shima, are you drunk?" Yuki asked him.

"Yes, very."

"In my room?"

"Yes."

She reached out and hugged him. "Well, go dry yourself out and clean up. When you come back, we can have a nice long talk. And bring the children."

Shima nodded at her and smiled. "I’m so glad you’re all right. I’ll see you in the morning!"

On the way out, he heartily thanked the nurses, thanked the orderly, and even thanked a patient or two who were up after being wakened by the commotion. Shima felt exhausted, but at least one of the storms over his heart had cleared, and he was grateful.

Yuki was discharged from the hospital on a Tuesday morning that was marked by a brisk wind and overcast skies. She devoted the next several months to her recovery. She gradually gained back her strength, ate better, and tackled an ambitious exercise routine. She played with the children constantly in an attempt to make up for lost time. She still struggled with her grief, and it led to a bout of depression occasionally, but she did everything possible to keep herself distracted. After all, Kodai could reappear at any moment, and she wanted to be ready.

Yuki visited Sanada in his lab at the base, where he feverishly reviewed the incident continuously, and ran one hypothetical test after another to determine the cause, and a way back, for Kodai and the other crewmembers. Yuki, Sanada, and Shima had dinner together frequently, sometimes three or four times a week.

Sanada eventually left on a second mission to find the crew. This time he would be gone much longer.

"Ow!"

Yuki shook her right hand and dove out from beneath the kitchen sink. A pipe had worn out, and she was trying to repair it. For a while, the wrench refused to budge as she tried to remove the pipe. When it suddenly loosened, she had accidentally jammed a forefinger, which now stung painfully. It seemed as though the whole afternoon had been taken up with the project. Never mind that Mamoru seemed to have an important announcement for her every five minutes, and Miyuki had been fussing constantly in her playpen.

She sat on the floor nursing her finger, and looked around in discouragement at the mess of parts and untranslatable pages of instruction. Yuki wiped at her sweaty brow. The act left a smear of black dirt on her skin. She could hear Miyuki’s howl start up again. Resting her cheek against her knees, she thought about her husband. Oh, Susumu, can’t you just come home now and fix this? She wanted to cry.

"Momma, Miyuki’s crying again," her son dutifully informed her.

Yuki dragged herself to her feet. "I know, sweetheart, thank you." She walked over to the playpen. She reached down and picked Miyuki up. When she immediately quieted down, Yuki gave her a quizzical look. "You did that on purpose, didn’t you?"

Miyuki just babbled at her.

I wish your father could see you now, she thought. On her way back to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. Yuki switched gears and headed to the front door.

Shima walked in. He squeezed Yuki’s shoulder and greeted Miyuki with a kiss. She gurgled in delight and tried to grab his nose. Yuki blushed, knowing she appeared disheveled and dirty in her old shorts and stained t-shirt. She had tied her hair up in a kerchief, and tattered strands hung about her face.

Shima looked her up and down with a smile. "What hole did you just crawl out of?"

Yuki hit him playfully on the chest with her free hand. "Under the kitchen sink. I’m trying to replace this stupid pipe. How was class?" she asked him on her way back to the kitchen. She put Miyuki in her highchair and dug her out a snack from the cupboard.

"Oh, nothing to speak of. We’re getting close to mid-term exams, so the boys and girls are pretty stressed out."

Yuki had squatted down by the sink and started to clear away the remnants of the old pipe. "I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. I’ve been wrestling with this thing for two hours." She sat down on the floor and sighed. "I don’t know where any of this stuff goes!"

Shima chuckled and started to remove his coat and shirt. "Let me have a try."

Yuki shook her head. "I didn’t say that so you would come and do my dirty work! I’m sure I’ll figure it out—hey!"

Shima had squeezed past her to stick his head underneath the sink. "Hand me that wrench," he said.

Yuki shrugged and did as he asked.

"Now go make yourself useful and fix me some tea," he added.

Yuki stared at him indignantly, then laughed. She rapped him smartly on his thigh before standing up.

She busied herself with tea preparations. When she walked over with a cup for Shima, she stopped short. Mamoru had taken off his shirt and was propped on his back by Shima’s side, presumably to help. Yuki pressed a hand to her lips. Such a beautiful sight!

Shima was teaching him about each part, and directed him to pick up this piece or that tool. Yuki sat and watched them awhile, and played with her daughter. About forty-five minutes later, Shima was done. He washed up at the sink, and put on his shirt.

Glancing at the clock, his eyebrows rose in surprise. "Look at the time! I only meant to stay a little while. Guess I should be leaving."

Yuki suddenly felt crestfallen. She didn’t want him to go. "Shima, I was just about to start dinner. There’s a lot of food…we couldn’t possibly eat all of it. Why don’t you join us?"

Shima smiled and threw down his coat. "How could I refuse?"

Shima had dinner with Yuki and her children not only that night, but also the night after that, and over the course of the next few weeks as well. Sometimes her parents would join them, as would friends on the weekend. The gatherings usually had a bittersweet undertone, as the main reason they were together was lost in space somewhere. Sometimes, though, Yuki seemed like her old self, and the others would exchange smiles of relief.

Shima spent so much time with the Kodai family that he even started to keep a change of clothes at the house. Whenever he returned home, it was really just to shower and sleep. When Shima was teaching class, Yuki was often at Command speaking with Sanada about his progress. She also wanted to support him as much as she could, and talked with him as long as the Commander would allow.

One Friday morning, she stopped by the Academy with the children to pay Shima a brief visit. The registrar directed her to his classroom and she knocked on the door.

Shima was surprised to see her; as this was the first time she had been to the Academy in a long time. Miyuki was saddled in a toddler harness strapped to her mother’s back. She cooed happily when Shima came into view. He tickled her cheek and closed the door partially behind him. Mamoru let go of his mother’s hand and peered into the opening. He started to make faces at the students, who were whispering excitedly about their instructor’s visitor. The nearer ones laughed and made faces back at him. Without missing a beat, Shima pulled Mamoru away from the door.

"Hi, what’s up?" he said to Yuki.

She held up a bag. "I brought you lunch."

Shima accepted it gratefully. "You didn’t have to do that!"

Yuki smiled. "I’m dropping the kids off at my parents for the weekend. Do you want to come over tonight and watch a movie?"

Shima nodded. "Sure, sounds good."

Yuki looked at him over her sunglasses and leaned in conspiratorially. "The deal is, you have to pick one up!"

He chuckled. "All right! I think I’ve got it covered."

"Dinner’s at seven," she said in parting, her eyes lingering on Shima’s face as she took hold of Mamoru’s hand.

Shima stood watching them leave until a sound in the classroom grabbed his attention. He opened the door and strode inside. A few students who had been listening at the door scrambled over each other to return to their seats. Snickers and a few smothered claps echoed through the room until Shima quieted them with a withering glance.

When Shima arrived at the house, Yuki was waiting for him at the door with a piece of sushi. She popped it in his mouth. "How is it?" she asked, watching him closely for his reaction.

"Mmpf!" He chewed and swallowed. "Wow, that just melted in my mouth!" Shima followed her into the kitchen.

Yuki handed him a drink after he had taken off his coat. "Good, I wasn’t sure how it would turn out. Can you help me with this?"

They carried the trays of food into the dining room and knelt at the table. The mood was quiet for the most part as they concentrated on eating an assortment of sushi, which they washed down with a pot of tea. It was followed by some clear soup and fried rice.

Shima drained the last of his tea. He looked at her warmly. "Yuki, you’re a marvelous cook!"

She blushed and stood up. "It was nothing. As long as it’s not coffee, I’m good to go. Now I’m ready for a movie!"

Shima laughed and started to clear the plates, but Yuki made him stop. "I’ll take care of that later. Come on!"

Yuki settled herself comfortably on the couch in the den while Shima loaded the disc into the player. He lowered the lights and sat on the opposite end. Shima was unaware of the sidelong glances Yuki kept giving him while the movie played. About halfway through, she pushed at his thigh with bare feet that were tipped with polished nails.

"Shima, dear," she said pleadingly, "where did you get this movie?"

He gave her a questioning look.

Yuki partially covered her mouth with her hand as if they were in a library. "It’s kind of boring!" she whispered loudly.

Shima laughed, because he knew she was right. "It’s some girly romantic film. I thought you would like it. Just for saying that, you have to watch it all over again as soon as it’s done!" He winked at her.

"Oh, no, that’s okay! I think I’ll go get us some dessert."

When she stood up, Shima playfully grabbed her top and pulled her back onto the couch. "Oh no, you don’t!" He slid his arm around her waist to anchor her.

She yelped. "Police! Fire!" she said, in a mock cry for help. She elbowed Shima in the ribs, which caused him to loosen his grip.

"Hey, you play rough!"

Yuki was giggling so hard that in her attempt to get off the couch, she fell to the floor. She started to crawl away, but Shima leapt on top of her.

"Oof! Movie police, help!"

He started to tickle her, and teased her about her feeble attempts to escape. Turning her on her back, he pinned her down and gestured with his head toward the television. "There it is! Now go ahead and watch it!"

"Uh! Please, no more! Look at that scene. It’s so badly lit, I can’t even tell what’s going on!" She laughed even harder. Playful kicks with her legs only made him pin her down more.

They tussled a while longer, finding it far more entertaining than the film. Soon their mirth died down, and they found themselves staring at each other. The light from the set cast half of their faces in shadow. Shima impulsively gave her a kiss. When Yuki didn’t resist, he kissed her some more. Soon, he was pressing his lips to her cheeks, her eyes, her neck. Yuki’s hands slid around his waist. Shima could feel himself harden almost immediately.

He let his tongue slide lightly across her collarbone, while his hand lifted her skirt to caress her thigh. "Yuki," he murmured between kisses, "I’ve been wanting this for a long time. I love you so much!"

It must have been the wrong thing to say.

Suddenly, Yuki was pushing against him and crying no. She averted her face. "I can’t!" she whispered, and rolled out from under him. She backed up against the wall and sat there huddled with her legs pulled up to her chest. Her expression was a mixture of longing and fear. She stared at him, and said nothing more.

Shima cringed. He wanted to go to her, reassure her, but the spell had been broken. He felt too embarrassed to even look at her. "I’m sorry, Yuki. I shouldn’t have…I should go!" He grabbed his coat and left, slamming the front door behind him.

Yuki pressed her hands against her chest in a vain attempt to quiet her pounding heart. Tears dropped down her cheeks in thin rivulets and pooled at her chin. "Shima!" she whispered. "Please don’t be mad."

Yuki felt too anxious to do anything but pace. Conflicting desires and thoughts crowded her mind. She started to pour herself a drink, but thought the better of it. This was something she had to deal with. It demanded a resolution. Yuki paced around the kitchen. She paced in the bedroom. Despite a light rain, she went out onto the deck for a time, and let the drops wash away the tears from her upturned face. She took a long bath.

Toweling dry her hair, she checked the clock. It was nearly eleven. The rain had become a downpour, and water splashed noisily against the windowpanes. Yuki sighed and sat down on the bed. I should go talk to him, she thought. He’s probably as confused as I am. I can’t go through the night like this! It didn’t occur to her to call him. All she knew was a driving urge to see him. She had gotten used to him.

Yuki dressed again in her top and skirt. Her decision made, she was single-minded in her goal. She found her house keys, locked the front door, and took off down the street toward his house. The rain drenched her mercilessly. By the time she arrived on his porch, her clothes were heavy with moisture and clinging to her body. She rang the doorbell and stood shivering against the post.

It seemed like an eternity passed before he opened the door.

Shima looked at her in surprise, and it was a moment before he could sort out his thoughts. Her arms were crossed against her body for warmth, and damp locks of hair clung to her head. "Yuki?"

The rain lapped at the floor. Lightening backlit her form, and was followed by a deafening thunderclap. Shima started at a sudden realization. "Did you walk all the way here in this storm?" He backed away and motioned for her to come in.

Yuki surged forward, and threw her arms around his neck. He was dressed only in a pair of pajama bottoms, but his skin felt warm.

"Yuki, you’re freezing!" Shima shoved the door shut and hesitatingly placed a hand on her back. The next thing he knew, she was kissing him, the wet coolness of her lips an enticing contrast to the warmth of her tongue that sought entrance to his mouth. Shima grabbed her arms and pulled them from his neck. He whispered her name until she stopped.

"Look at me, Yuki."

Her eyes regarded him with a woeful expression.

"Are you sure?" he said.

Yuki nodded. She looked aside, then back at him. "But, Shima, dearest, if Susumu is found, I—"

Shima put a finger to her lips. "I know," he said. Bending his head down, they kissed again, and this time there was no stopping, no regrets.

At Shima’s urging, Yuki followed him up to the bedroom. "You should get out of those wet clothes," he said. "I’ll get you a towel."

Yuki seized his arm as he turned to the bathroom. "I’ll be warm enough if you hold me," she said entreatingly.

Shima gazed at her tenderly while they both pulled off her clothes. Yuki pushed down at his pants until they were both nude, shivering and clinging to each other in a desperate kind of excitement. They lied on the bed and began to make love, kissing and touching each other everywhere. Shima pressed Yuki down onto her back. He stroked and rubbed at her sex while suckling her breasts with his mouth. Yuki soon shuddered beneath him.

"Yuki!" he murmured. They were both breathing heavily. "You spilled onto my hand!"

She moaned and pulled him on top of her. Shima pushed himself inside her with a sharp gasp. Her sex enclosed around him tightly with a warm, moist embrace. Yuki climaxed again almost immediately, and then a third time as his thrusts became more urgent. Shima cried out as he came, riding her to a peak of pleasure he had not thought possible. They kissed and stroked each other for a long time before he pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to her.

Yuki threw an arm across his chest and burrowed into his side. "Thank you," she whispered.

Shima cupped her elbow with his hand, softly stroking her skin with his thumb. "You’re so beautiful," he told her.

Holding each other thus, they fell asleep to the sound of the rain.

When they awoke the next morning, they were hungry again for each other. After a few hours of intense lovemaking, they bathed. As it was too late for breakfast by that time, Yuki made them a simple lunch.

"Yuki, what are we going to tell people?" Shima asked her while they ate.

Yuki sighed and put down her glass. She kept her eyes downcast. "I don’t want to tell anyone. I’m not ready." When she looked at him, it was with a tearful gaze. "Is that okay?"

Shima squeezed her hand. "Of course it’s okay."

"Even the children," she said. "We have to be careful around them."

Shima nodded, and they ate the rest of the meal in silence.

Over the next several months, they were consumed with each other, but only in private, and only when they could be sure they were safe from discovery. Yuki still had bouts with depression, and sometimes would go days without wanting to see anyone but the children. Whereas Shima had previously attributed it to her loss, he now began to take her moods more personally. He was desperate to make up with her when she was cross, or after they argued. He wanted to make Yuki happy, as he was beginning to believe that current events would continue their course for quite some time. But he didn’t dare tell her that.

Sanada and his team were permanently recalled from the rescue mission.

The news was devastating. Yuki and Shima were the first to greet Sanada upon his return. There was nothing more to say, only tears to be shed. That evening, an impromptu gathering formed at the Kodai residence, and this time, friends and family considered themselves officially at a wake. Sanada made drunken, heartfelt promises to secretly launch out again to continue the search. His promises escalated into an angry tirade, and several of the men had to seclude him in one of the bedrooms until he calmed down.

In the days that followed, Yuki and Shima continued to find solace in each other. Their lovemaking became cruder and more desperate as they used it as a shield against their grief. The children grew and were healthy, although Mamoru had behavior problems from the start when he entered school. Despite repeated corrections from her mother, Miyuki insisted on calling Shima "Papa". It made him start to wonder if he should think of the children as his own, or take on a more legal responsibility towards them. Sometimes he and Yuki argued about it.

However, most of the time following Sanada’s return was spent by them in an aimless, drifting state. Shima still taught at the Academy, but he was thinking about resigning from the military altogether. Yuki had long ago abandoned any pretense of returning to work.

It was Saturday afternoon, and a warm spring day. Yuki and Shima had taken the children out to the yard to play. They had spread a blanket under one of the oak trees, and put out some toys. Mamoru was dividing his time between a model battleship and a comic book, while his sister lay fast asleep on the blanket. Shima sat with his back against the tree. Yuki’s head was in his lap, and she drowsily watched Mamoru as he played. She closed her eyes.

When she awoke, Mamoru was yelling. Yuki sat up with a start. It seemed less than an hour had passed. Mamoru had run to the side of the house, where the back yard met the front. He was pointing toward the street and screaming for Yuki.

Yuki felt exhausted, and she wasn’t sure why. "What is it, Mamoru? What’s wrong?"

She stood up as he ran to her as quickly as his short legs could carry him. His face was flushed. "Momma! Momma! Papa’s there, I saw Papa! Hurry, hurry, come on!" He grabbed her hand and pulled with all his might.

Yuki exchanged glances with Shima, and looked down at her son with an expression of pity. Oh, darling, she thought, you probably only saw his ghost. But Mamoru was insistent that she follow him, and so she acquiesced. Shima walked by their side.

A phalanx of officers and Command security met them as they rounded the corner of the house. When the first of them saw Yuki, they parted.

Kodai stood in their midst, flanked by two men who were helping him walk.

Yuki stared at him in shock. Mamoru rushed over, and Kodai swept him up in his arms. "Papa, Papa! I told everyone you were back. I was the lookout! Papa, we all missed you!"

Yuki watched as Kodai broke down in tears, hugging his son to him in a fierce embrace. After a moment, he let Mamoru down, and trudged toward Yuki. He looked clean-shaven, but pale and gaunt. He was dressed in a dark blue outfit reminiscent of a maintenance worker or janitor. Pushing the men beside him away, he stood before his wife.

"Yuki!"

She reached out a hand to touch his face, not believing he was real until her fingertips met the smooth skin of his cheek.

Kodai gripped her shoulders. "I’m so sorry, Yuki. How hard it must have been for you!"

Yuki blinked back her tears. "I’m just glad you’re alive! How did you survive all this time? Where were you?"

Kodai groaned. "I made them take me here as soon as we landed, so I guess you wouldn’t have heard." His voice broke as he talked. "It’s…it’s only been a couple of weeks for me. We were caught in a time-warp distortion—Sanada can explain it better—but only two weeks have passed for me, and two…two years for you."

Kodai pulled her to him. He leaned on her heavily, for his full strength had not yet returned. Yuki cried into his chest, but the shock of his return, and the knowledge that he had lost two years of their lives became too much. She collapsed on the ground, Kodai landing next to her. Yuki clung to him and keened.

"Oh, god," he said after a while, as he looked over Yuki’s shoulder, "is that Miyuki?"

His daughter had awoken and was trotting toward them. He and Yuki parted so Miyuki could clamber into the space between them.

"Can you say hello to Papa?" said Yuki through her tears.

Miyuki obliged him with a gurgled "Papa!" and began to chat merrily away.

Not wanting to be left out, Mamoru wrapped each of his arms around his parents’ necks. Kodai kissed away his son’s tears, and there they all sat for nearly an hour.

Shima stood and spoke with one of the senior officers who had accompanied Kodai home. "What happened?" he asked. "How did you find him?"

"He and eleven of the vanished crew were found aboard a freighter going along a trade route near the area where they first disappeared. Imagine their surprise when twelve EDF soldiers just appeared from thin air all over the ship!"

"Yeah, imagine their surprise," echoed Shima.

"Anyway, they were all dirty, barely conscious and malnourished, and some of them sustained injuries, so it was awhile before the crew was able to figure out who they were. They brought them back, and that was it. Quite a stroke of luck!"

Shima nodded.

When Kodai was back on his feet, he greeted Shima with a warm embrace. Shima felt anxious and guilty, but as Yuki hadn’t said anything, neither did he.

"Well, I’ll be leaving you two alone. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

Kodai thanked him, and walked with Yuki and the children into the house. She did not look back.

A week later, when afternoon began its merge into the evening, Shima responded to a call. Kodai appeared on the monitor. "Shima," he said, "can you come over for a while? We want to talk with you. It’s important."

Shima nodded slowly, but his stomach clenched. "I’ll be over in a few minutes," he said, and hung up.

When Shima arrived, both Kodai and Yuki greeted him at the door. Shima noticed that Kodai looked much less pale, and better groomed. Yuki gazed at Shima adoringly, and he thought her cheeks looked rosier, and that her hair shone brighter than before. She wore a casual red top and skirt.

"Shima," said Kodai, "please come in!"

He opened the door wider to let him in, and guided him to the living room. They remained standing. Yuki excused herself, and disappeared up the stairs. Shima felt somewhat perplexed at her abrupt disappearance.

Kodai clasped his hands together nervously. "Well, I don’t know any other way to say this, but…well, Shima, Yuki told me everything."

Shima frowned.

Kodai stepped closer to him. "And it’s fine." He placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. "I want to thank you for taking care of her. You did the right thing. I’m just…I’m sorry you had to go through all of that pain. You’re a true friend." Kodai stuck out his hand.

Shima nodded dully and accepted the handshake. He was at a loss for words. I’ve been with your wife, and you’re not even angry?

Kodai took a step back. "Yuki wanted to thank you, but I wouldn’t let her do it alone."

Shima raised an eyebrow. "I’m sorry, I don’t follow you."

Kodai began to trace Yuki’s earlier path. He looked back, and motioned for Shima to follow him.

Shima’s heart started to beat. Something’s a little strange, he thought. Nevertheless, he followed Kodai’s lead.

Kodai led him up to their bedroom. The house seemed to be empty except for the three of them. Shima immediately noticed that the bathroom door was closed. He gave his friend a confused look.

"Is something wrong?" Shima asked.

Kodai smiled gently. "No, not at all!"

The bathroom door opened, and Yuki emerged. She had changed into a pink robe. Yuki slipped out of it, and sidled up to Shima. She was nude. Her arms encircled his neck, and she stood on her tip-toes to kiss him. Shima’s eyes flew wide open in surprise, and he uttered a muffled "Yuki!" His glance caught a movement to his right. Kodai, who was standing a short distance away, was removing his own clothes. His attention was brought back sharply into focus, as Yuki was frantically undoing the buttons of his shirt. She kissed brazenly at his bare skin as it emerged. Her hands tore at his belt, his zipper, and she grunted when she thought he wasn’t undressing quickly enough.

Shima’s breath was coming hard and fast. At first, he felt shy about laying hands upon his best friend’s wife in his very presence. But the expression on Kodai’s face was calm and yearning as he approached them. He seemed to be watching them with interest. Yuki had clamped her lips tightly upon his, and her tongue now probed between them. Shima placed his hands against her cheeks, and pulled her closer. He could feel the tight knots of her nipples against his chest, and the excitement darted down, surging, pulsing into him there.

Yuki moaned. Kodai had placed a single hand upon her bottom, and was pinching it gently. He began to stroke and kiss the smooth, supple skin of her backside. Up and down he traveled, his tongue and teeth tracing a soft, moist path. Shima had found her breasts while they kissed, and was trying to cup them both simultaneously. Their ardent kissing nearly unbalanced them.

At a seemingly unspoken word, Yuki drew back. She turned around, and Kodai’s lips fell to hers with a fluid, swift motion. She gasped for breath as his tongue filled her mouth, and as his hand squeezed the pulpy flesh of her left breast. Shima watched with a vicarious thrill, then dropped to his knees and began to run his lips and tongue across her buttocks. Yuki squirmed with pleasure, and reached back to stroke his head with a free hand. She pressed his head tightly against her.

And then Yuki pulled away again, and turned back to Shima. She bade him to sit on the edge of the bed, and knelt down before him. She reached out her hands to stroke his wide, firm chest. Her fingers played with his nipples, lightly twisting and pinching them. The fullness of her breasts mesmerized him, and he could barely tear away his gaze. He caught Yuki’s shy smile as she burrowed down between his thighs. The tip of her tongue darted out to lick at his member, which now ached dreadfully. Her lips encircled the tip, slowly and gently, drawing it to a state that was so swollen Shima thought it would burst. When her mouth plunged down upon the shaft he cried out. It felt deliciously hot. The juices from her mouth flowed and ran down between his thighs to tickle him as she sucked. Her movements were so strong that he had to anchor his hands on the bed.

Kodai had lain down on the floor on his back. Inserting himself between Yuki’s legs, he began to lap, his tongue working its way deep into the groove of her. Yuki sighed contentedly as she stroked Shima with her hands and lips. She pushed herself down hard onto Kodai, who was gripping her hips; his fingers dug so hard into her skin it began to turn red. Shima stroked her hair, burying his fingers in its golden softness. He found himself pushing her head down, pushing himself deeper in until the tip grazed the back of her throat. He moaned loudly in ecstasy.

Shima watched with eyes half closed as Kodai stood up, and nudged Yuki away and up. He crawled onto the bed, and sat with his arms stretched out behind him. Yuki kissed Shima on her way to her husband, her lips red and swollen, and filled with the taste of him. When Shima turned around, he saw her dive down to stroke and suck at Kodai with similar enthusiasm. She took turns wrapping her lips around the downy, delicate sacs.

Kodai looked at Shima as if drowsy from all the pleasure. "Use your hands," he said to him.

Shima swallowed, still not belivieving the experience. He looked down. Yuki’s bottom extended up and out. It seemed plumper than before. Shima kneeled behind her, placing himself carefully between the two sets of legs. From the side, he saw her breast hanging down. Tentatively, he reached out a hand to stroke it, sending a shiver across her skin. He felt himself stiffen further after noticing Kodai kneading the other one. Shima returned his attention to her backside. With one hand, he reached underneath her to caress her swollen lips. He found the engorged mound of her rosette, and began to massage it. Yuki’s back arched with pleasure, and she nearly lost her concentration. Juices flowed from her and soaked Shima’s hand. With his other, he parted her buttocks and fondled the slit with his thumb. Yuki’s thighs drew sharply together, as if to swallow him there. She rocked back and forth against his hand.

After a while, Kodai pressed Yuki’s shoulders. She drew her head upward and they kissed, Shima’s hand still buried within her. Yuki helped Shima reposition himself so that he leaned in a half-sitting position against the headboard. When she took him in her mouth again, it was in tandem with Kodai entering the soaked entrance to her vagina from behind. Shima bucked in surprise and pleasure beneath her. Her breasts felt heavy against his thighs. Yuki’s hands clutched at his chest, his arms, his face. Her mouth moved over him unevenly with each of Kodai’s strong thrusts. Kodai pushed himself hard into her, nearly lifting her knees from the bed. Grunts of pleasure mixed with the sound of him slapping against her, and with the noisy thirst of her sucking. Before long, Kodai grasped Yuki’s hips even more tightly, and seared a hot path into her as he came. The force of it threw Yuki forward, and she kissed Shima deeply as her husband finished. Her cheeks were warm, and flushed.

Kodai pulled out of her; Shima felt a few drops of him land on his calf. Kodai, breathing heavily, and looking very relaxed, edged back onto one of the bed’s far corners, and leaned against the post there. Yuki was slumped against Shima, idly kissing his neck.

"Shima!" Kodai said. He gestured toward Yuki. "I don’t think she came yet."

Shima looked at him, then at Yuki, who had a fervent look in her eyes. He wanted to drown in them. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was but a preliminary. Shima flipped Yuki over, and began to nuzzle her breasts. His mouth locked onto each of her nipples, drawing them into tight little nubs with his teeth. Soon her chest was soaked. Shima extended a hand down between her legs. She was still wet. He leaned over her, and buried himself between her thighs. Yuki cried out as he entered. Shima paused briefly before continuing, delighting in the warmth and moistness. Then he dug in further, grinding against her so that she would come. Yuki moaned and writhed with pleasure beneath him. Her hands clung to his back, and her hips arched upward to meet his. Shima could feel her contractions start. She urged him to go faster, harder, and her climax hit with such intensity that she locked Shima into place with her body, and he couldn’t move. Gradually she relaxed, and loosened her hold. Shima felt so hard and tight with pleasure that he came a moment later, his hips slamming into Yuki’s with wild abandon.

"I can feel you!" she whispered, as the wetness of him flowed into her. She kissed his cheek, and he collapsed against her.

It was a long time before he could pull himself away from her arms. But Yuki didn’t seem to notice, and just hummed quietly while she caressed his back with her fingertips. Shima finally drew himself out. He smiled sheepishly at Kodai, whom he had almost forgotten was there. Shima stood up to gather his clothes. While he dressed, Kodai had lain on top of his wife and was kissing her. He was erect again, and pushed himself into her as Shima fastened the last button on his shirt. Yuki blew him a kiss before succumbing to her husband’s attentions.

"Thank you," Shima whispered softly as he turned to leave. The sounds of their lovemaking followed him far into the night.