Changing Winds

By Yuki Wildstar

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been three weeks since their return and they sat in her apartment relaxing from the day’s work. Nova snuggled into his chest and smiled. They were now settling into a routine. Derek smiled down at her as she snuggled closer. His heart beating faster knowing she was there with him. He grew to love her more and more each day. They finally had time to take off after so many debriefings, Captain Avatars funeral and interviews. It was a world wind of things and now it was time to enjoy each other’s company. She cooked dinner for them and watched an old movie on TV. It was a long day for him as he sat back and relaxed with her in his arms. She looked up at him and smiled. “We have a whole week off. I can’t believe that we have a week.” She said excited. “What are we going to do with that much time?”

 

“Relax or at least try to. To tell you the truth I really don’t know what to do with it. We’ve always been on high alert on ship it was a pleasure we never had.”

 

She sighed, “Well it will be a while until we can go up to the surface. They said it will take months to get at least the air right and the grass will grow if they can get it to rain. Then they will have to start building. Their talking about a year and a half before everything is almost normal again.”

“Yeah, but at least we have first dibs in seeing it happen. But the best part of it when we finally head up we get a whooping 6 months off!”

 

“I can’t wait for that time off. Maybe we can take it in spurts. So much leisure time off.” She giggled. She looked up and into his eyes. She could feel his heart beating fast to her being so close. Her heart beat just as fast being in his arms. He looked down and smiled. She leaned up as he leaned down to her and their lips finally touch. He held her tight as he kissed her with passion. He wanted her so much. It’s a long time since he was with anyone and he wonder how long it has been for her. They would come home every night and fall asleep from an exhausting day. He wanted her and she wanted him but their busy schedule made it impossible, but tonight was different, they were off to do as they wished. Slowly he moved her down on to the couch and his hands roam her body. She was filling out better since their return. Everyone lost so much weight when they finally returned. They seem like skeletons. But she was healthier now. He thought he lost her when she turned on the Cosmo DNA and slipped into a coma. But now here she was in his arms, healthy and beautiful. She could feel his excitement for her as his body laid on top of her. She moaned softly as he touched her breast. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. She felt as he fumbled with her pants and then pulled her shirt out of them. She reached for his shirt and began to pulled it off him. She looked at his chest and realized how fit he was. Derek managed to opened her blouse and stared at her body. She looked amazing. He leaned down and kissed her chest. She moaned a little more and ran her hands through his hair. He began to slide his hand down to her most intimate spot when she pushed him off. “Derek, wait.”

 

“Is anything wrong?” he asked with concerned.

 

She blushed and looked away. “Derek,” She began as she pulled at her blouse to close it. She sat up and turned away. “I’ve, I’ve never been with anyone.”

 

He sat there stunned. “Never?”

 

She shook her head quickly and said, “Never.”

 

It was something that didn’t come up on ship. They were more concern about returning alive. Their one night on ship that they were hot and heavy was interrupted by flashing lights and everyone was called to their stations. By the time their battle was over they’ve forgotten about it. “So what your telling me is that you’re still a, why didn’t you tell me when we were on ship? I mean there were a few times we, came close.”

 

“Please Derek, don’t make this more uncomfortable for me. I guess I would’ve eventually told you but we were always interrupted with battle.” She looked away embarrassed. “Please,” she said softly.

 

He reached for her and pulled her closer, hugging her. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I just never been with a virgin.”

 

“I guess you would rather be with someone that has had experience.”

 

His eyes soften, “No. I think it’s great that you’re saving yourself for someone special.” He began to put his shirt back on and she stopped him. “Maybe we should wait. You want your first time with that special person.”

 

“You are that special person, Derek, I want you to be the one.” She blushed.

 

He blushed to know she wanted him to be her first. “Are you sure?” he asked.

 

She nodded her head and said, “Yes Derek.”

 

He kissed her gently and held her. “I want you know that I love you. Not because I will be your first. Ever since I saw you in the hospital there was something about you that I had to know you. You’re my life and I love you deeply.” He whispered into her ear. A tear ran down her face to hear him tell her that. He kissed her again and stood up. He took her hand into his and guided her to her bedroom and touch her face. He looked deep into her eyes as his hand worked to take off her blouse and then her bra. She reached for his pants and unbutton them then unzipped them. They fell to the floor and he stood there in his boxer briefs. “Are you sure?” he asked again.

 

She grinned back and said. “I’m sure.” She blushed and turned her head.

 

He smiled softly and pulled her closer. “I’ll be gentle, Promise.” He moved her to her bed and laid her down. Slowly he helped her out of her jeans and shoes, bringing her foot up to his lips and kissed her ankle. It was a tender kiss and he worked his way up to her inner thigh. It sent electricity throughout her body making her sigh loud. He moved up to her lips and kissed her as his hands once again roamed her body. He caressed her breast, moving his hand down her waist and towards her most sensitive area. He was gentle not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. She finally felt what so many other women had talked about. Her body was on fire and he brought her to climax she never experience before. After hours of their love making he dropped on top of her breathing hard. She laid underneath him catching her breath. “Wow, sorry it’s been to long since I’ve been with anyone. I hope it was okay. I could’ve went longer but it’s been a while.”

 

She giggled. “Okay, haha. Did you think I was okay? Hmm, but then again I wasn’t sure what to do and you’re a lot more experience than me.”

 

He rolled on his back and blushed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say you were okay. You were great. I hope I wasn’t just okay. I hope I didn’t make it horrible for you. I mean I hope I was alright,” he rambled.

 

She turned over to face him. “Derek, you were excellent. I will always remember this. You made my experience great. Thank you.” She kissed his lips and laid her head on his chest. “Are you going to stay the night?”

 

“If you want me to. Do you want me to go?”

 

“No, I just thought that men like to leave after.”

 

He chuckled, “Only the men that are pigs.” He looked down to her as she drew circles on his chest. “Listen to me Nova. If you want me to leave I will. But I would love to spend our week together exploring each other here in bed.”

 

“I would like that very much too.” She said softly.

 

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. “I love you.” He told her. Her heart soar to hear him say that.

 

“Derek,” she continued to make circles on his chest. “can we do it again.”

 

He grinned, “give me 10 more minutes and I will be ready in full force.”

 

She blushed again and said. “Maybe this time we should use protection. I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to trap you. I’m not ready to be a mother just yet.”

 

He sat up slightly and smiled, “I would love you to have my kid. You’d make a great mom.”

 

“Thank you but, still I would rather wait. Anyway, I have no idea what I want to do now that we’re back. Should I stay with EDF or just find something else to do? I want to be established before I have a child. And who knows we may not work out and go our separate ways.”

 

Derek frowned. “Don’t you love me?”

 

She blushed. “Yes I do. I love you more than life itself. But sometimes men tend to use those words just to sleep with women. I’ve heard stories, Derek.”

 

“Have you? Well, let me tell you one thing about me, Ms. Forrester. I don’t throw the word LOVE around like anything. I have never felt like this for anyone. If you really want to know, you’re the first woman that I ever said it to. I love you. I love you! What happened to you that made you think I would say that just to get you in bed?” She turned her face away and stayed quiet. Her silence made him know that someone hurt her. He reached for her face and made her face him. “Nova what happened to you? Please tell me, I never want to keep secrets from each other.”

 

She looked past him and said. “I dated someone before we left for Iscandar and well, I was about to give myself to him. I went to his apartment wearing just a light trench coat and opened his door. I found him in bed with my best friend. I told myself that I was lucky that I never did it with him. Bastard told me that he loved me too.” She steamed.

 

He pulled her closer to him and held her. “I’m sorry Nova. He was a pig and he never deserved you. I’m so glad you let me be the first. I hope that you do know that I meant it when I told you I love you. I would never try to hurt you. I want you to be happy always.” He kissed her gently and she kissed him back. “Round two?” he grinned at her.

 

She blushed, “hmm.”

 

Both Nova and Derek laid beside each other breathing heavily in sweat. He lay there trying to catch his breath. He turned to her and kissed her hard with passion. “I love you so much.”

 

 

 

 

4 months later. . . .

 

 

They spent their time in bed learning each other bodies. He told her what he liked as she showed him what felt good. It was honeymoon without marriage. Each time she thought of it, it put a smile on her face. He would meet her at the chow hall for lunch and they would talk and hold hands. Each night they would race either to her apartment or his to make love. They spent every minute they could with each other because they knew at any time one would be called out to help repair the relay system in space or patrol the Earth. He held her in his arms that night and smiled at her. “Nova?”

 

She listened to his heart beat and looked up. “Hmm.”

 

“I think we should take us to the next step.” He blurted out.

 

“Next step? What do you mean?”

 

“Well, I was thinking that we are either here or your place and well, we tend to wake up in either beds. Every morning one of us has to run to our apartment to change, SO. I was thinking would you like to move in together?”

 

She stared at him for what seem forever before she smiled and asked, “Are you sure?”

 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t.” he smiled back.

 

“But who will give up their apartment?” she asked. “I mean suppose things don’t work out?”

 

He smiled wide. “I’ll give up mine. Anyway. It’s not like I have a better apartment and furniture. Your place is a lot better and once we’re up on surface we can find a nice place a little bigger. So what do you say, will you move in with me?”

 

She sat up and smiled with excitement. “Yes, Derek, yes.”

 

He hugged her tight and then kissed her. “I love you.”

 

 

 

 

Commander Nova Forrester was thrill. She moved her stuff around so he could move his things into her closet. She helped him hang his clothes and half way through he took her into his arms and they made love on the floor of their closet. They laughed that they did it there and they made a promise too Christian each room. It was a week later that she felt sick and was worried that she would get him sick. It was early in the morning when she felt her stomach turned and she jumped off the bed and raced into the bathroom. She hung over the toilet wiping her mouth and began to count the last time she had a normal period. She sat on the floor and realized that she was very late. She got up and brushed her month and then looked over to where he slept. She had to know. But she didn’t want to say anything until she was sure. She waited for him to head to work and then raced to work. She still worked in the hospital helping those still sick from the planet bombs. Some soon recovered other did not. It was always an up and down day for her. Especially when it came to the kids. She cried hard when they lost a child. Making her way to the maternity ward she went into the supplies and grabbed a pregnancy test. She slipped into a bathroom and took the test. Instantly it told her what she suspected. She wanted to cry with happiness and at the same time she was scared to death to tell Derek. During the day her mind could not focus. It irritated the doctor and he pulled her to the side. “Nova are you alright. This is not like you. You are pretty good and focus as to what is going on. But today you are not focus. Are you okay?”

 

She bowed her head and simply said. “I’m not feeling good. I think I’m coming down with something. But I can finish the day.”

 

“No, go home. Get some rest. Better that you go home. We don’t want to have anything spreading here. Feel better.”

 

In a way she felt relieved. She needed to think on how she was going to tell him about her pregnancy. They only talk about kids once but that was their first night together. It was their one time that they didn’t use protection and now they will pay for their sin. She went home and slipped into some pajama and sat waiting for him to come home. He walked through the door after 5 and he looked worried. “Hey, are you alright. I went to pick you up and they told me you left early because you weren’t feeling well. Are you okay?”

 

“Derek I have to tell you something.” She said with a quivering tone. It sent fear through his body. He sat down and held her hand. She looked down to the ground and squeezed his hand. “Derek, I’m pregnant.”

 

He sat there and let her words sink in. He could feel his heart pound hard against his chest and wasn’t sure what to feel. “Are you sure?” she nodded her head yes and he got up from next to her and paced back and forth.

 

“I took a test at work and it came up positive. Derek, I can understand if you’re not ready to be a father and I’m ready to do what I have to do. But to tell you the truth, I thought that I wasn’t ready and wanted to wait. But once I let it set in I want to keep it.”

 

“I thought we were being careful.”

 

“We were. I’m so sorry. I should have told you to wear a condom before we had sex. This is my fault.”

 

He stopped pacing and turned to her. “Is it mine?”

 

She sat back in shock. Did she hear him correctly? Was he questioning her faithfulness? She could feel her eyes tear up with anger. “Are you serious?! Are you actually asking me that question! Is it yours?! Are you for real?” her voice rising with every word. “You have the nerve to ask me that, YES! IT’S YOURS! Who else would it be?!” she then began to pace and ramble. “All this time and you have the nerve to ask me something like that. Is it yours? Fuck you Derek. I don’t know why you would even think that I slept with anyone else. I can’t believe you! GET OUT! I hate you! I don’t need you to raise this baby. I can do it alone. I don’t need you. GET OUT!” she screamed and pushed him towards the door. “This is my place and I want you out. I’ll send your things to EDF headquarters.” She was crying harder and pushed him more towards the door. Tears streaming down her face. She opened the door and pushed him hard out the door and slammed it hard in his face. She held her stomach and ran into her room, throwing herself on the bed crying. Derek stood outside the door unsure what to do. He didn’t think to what he said. It was a defense question. He felt his heart stopped when she announced being pregnant. Fear set in at first, hence asking if it was his. Now he regretted asking her that. Of course it would be his. He was the only one she ever slept with. Now he had to apologizes big time to her. He thought best to give a her a few minutes. He raced out of the building down to the local store and prayed that they had flowers. They allowed him to buy a rose, since they still haven’t been able to grow them in the natural sun making it hard to produce more. He went back to their apartment and opened the door. He could still hear her crying in their room. Slowly he walked to the room and opened the door, poking his head in. “Nova?” he softly said.

 

She looked up from her pillow and said. “I told you to get out.”

 

“I’m sorry baby. I really am. I’m so sorry. I should have never said that to you. Of course it’s mine. It just caught me off guard.”

 

“How could you even think that I would sleep with someone else. I would never do that to you after what you told me about her. I love you.” She cried.

 

“Gosh I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I promise to be here for you. I’ll help you support the baby.” A baby, it scared him to death. He thought he was ready to be a father but now it’s happening and it scared him. He wanted to do more with his life and now this would hold him back. But it’s yours and Nova’s baby. She needs you now. He forced a smile and said. “Have you seen a doctor yet?”

 

She shook her head and said. “No not yet. I just took the test. I’ll have to make an appointment.” She heaved back her tears and her hands shook.

 

Wildstar notice it and took hold of her hands. “We’ll be alright, I promise.” His heart beat hard in his chest. He knew that a child will change their lives forever and he had to let it soak in.

 

“Derek, I didn’t do this to trap you, it wasn’t intentional. It was as much as a surprise to me. I would have never done this to keep you.” She rambled on.

 

“Shh, I know baby. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” He held her in his arms as she cried into his chest. “I love you Nova and we will make this work. My god we are going to have a baby. My Baby, you’re going to have my baby. Holy shit I’m going to be a dad!” he tried to sound excited but deep down it scared the crap out of him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She could tell he was trying too hard to please her. She saw the fear in his eyes to being a father. But she allowed him to think she didn’t know. Every day she would head to work to do her shift. She didn’t mention to anyone about her pregnancy and she made him promise not to tell anyone either. She wanted to keep it quiet until he came around to accepting it. He agreed. It was a long day for her. Her shift was hard and with the pregnancy it made her day harder. Her fatigue interfered with her work. Many times someone found her sleeping in the staff lounge during lunch. She simply told them that she was working a double shift at EDF. Nova walked to her next patients room when she felt the sharp pain in her stomach. She doubled over and grabbed a rail on the side of the wall. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself and walked into the room. Then it hit her again, another sharp pain hit. The pain was so hard it brought her to her knees. The pain grew more intense and she now laid on the floor of the patient’s room curl up into a ball. She reached down between her legs and felt the thick wet liquid and brought it to her face. It was dark red. It was the last image she saw before everything went black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derek sat in a briefing taking notes when someone walked in and address the commandeering officer speaking. He looked up and called out, “Wildstar!”

 

“Yes sir!” he stood up and snapped to attention.

 

“Your needed at the hospital. Get your stuff and double time it there.” He looked at him confused. The hospital? “Did you hear me Commander! Your needed at the Hospital!”

 

Quickly he grabbed his things and raced down to the podium to the officer standing next to their commandeering officer. He followed the officer out the door and said. “Commander Wildstar?”

 

“What the hell is going on? What’s wrong?”

 

He bowed his head and said, “Sir, it’s commander Forrester. She was rushed to the ER this afternoon.” His blood rushed from his face and took off towards the hospital. He raced into the hospital and asked what floor she was on. Quickly he ran up six flights of stairs and ran to the nurse’s station.

 

Breathing hard he forced his words out. “Commander Nova Forrester.”

 

“She still in surgery.” The nurse told him.

 

“SURGERY!” he felt his heart stop and tears welled up in his eyes. “What happen?”

 

“Sir the doctor will be with you shortly.” The young nurse said as she admired how handsome he was. “Why don’t I take you to the waiting area and then I’ll inform the doctor you’re here.”

 

“I want to see her now!” he snapped.

 

It wasn’t the first time she had someone demand their love one’s information. But rules were rules. “I’m sorry sir, but I will have the doctor come and speak with you. Please, have a seat in the waiting area.” She tried to keep him calm.

 

Derek walked to the waiting area and waited. His heart beating faster with each passing minute. What happen? Is she alright? What about to the baby? He watched as a doctor walked into the area and looked around. “Commander Wildstar?”

 

Derek stood up and said. “That’s me.”

 

Doctor Wantanabe bowed his head and walked over to him. “Please have a seat.” He took a second and then spoke. “Commander Wildstar, Nova is fine. She came out of surgery well. But I’m sorry to tell you that she lost the baby.” He blurted it out. “You both are young and she can have more babies. She just needs to rest and wait a few months before trying again.” His words set in and he didn’t realize that he was crying for her and their baby. He didn’t know how much he loved his child until that very moment. Doctor Wantanabe placed his hand on his shoulder and consoled him as he cried.

 

Composing himself he finally asked. “Where is she.”

 

“She’s resting. Commander she is taking this just as hard. She’s going to need a lot of support and love. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. She didn’t tell anyone about it.”

 

“She wanted to keep it between us. She wanted to enjoy it before anyone knew.” He said in a low tone. “I want to see her.” Doctor Wantanabe nodded his head and walked him to her room. He took a deep breath and quietly sat down next to her. He slipped his hand into hers and brought it to his face. Gently he kissed her hand and waited until she woke up.

 

She reached for her stomach and slowly opened her eyes. Her hand felt heavy. Someone was there. Nova turned her head to see him sitting in a chair next to her. She squeezed his hand to let him know she was awake. “Hey,” she whispered.

 

He smiled back and squeezed her hand back. “Hey babe. How do you feel?”

 

She asked, “the baby?”

 

He bowed his head and she watched as his tears build up in his eyes. He forced a smile and said. “Doc says we can try again later.” She turned her head and cried. All he could do was hold her hand and cry into his other hand.

 

She spoke finally and said. “I guess you’re off the hook, now. We don’t have to get married because I’m pregnant.”

 

Her comment caught him off guard. “Do you think I asked you to marry me because your pregnant?” It was a week prior that he popped the question and she said yes. But deep down she knew he only asked because she was pregnant but she went with it and hoped that he would accept her pregnancy.

 

“Come on Derek. Would you have asked if I wasn’t pregnant?”

 

“You have no clue how much I love you. You told me to not ask you if it’s because you were pregnant. And I didn’t. I asked you because I love you.”

 

“Don’t tell me that you asked me just because. You know you asked because of the baby.” She snapped. It was time to tell him about the elephant in the room and now it was gone. He didn’t have to stay around anymore. She didn’t want to hold him back anymore. It was time to let him go and move on. “Derek, I think it’s best to move on and go our separate ways. You have no reason to stay now. I know you haven’t been happy since I got pregnant. It’s like walking on egg shells but now it’s gone and you have no need to stay.”

 

Her words stabbed him in the heart with every word. He felt his anger rise and he finally spoke. “Do you think I stay around because of the baby?”

 

“Yes, Derek.” She was blunt.

 

“Well, let me enlighten you. I love you! Yes, you getting pregnant through me into a loop. I guess I wasn’t prepare to be a father yet. I was on guard and wasn’t sure if I was ready. But when doctor Wantanabe told me you lost our child I knew then I was ready. This is hurting me too. It was my child too. I’m hurting too.” He said loudly. She turned away from him holding back her tears. “Please Nova, look at me. I love you. I want this to work for us. You are like no one I have ever met. You have my heart.”

 

“Please Derek. Please just go. I can’t do this now.”

 

He took a deep breath and thought it was best. He leaned down and kiss the top of her head. “I love you.” He whispered into her ear. “We need to work this out in order to make it work. I want you in my life. Please don’t shut me out now. Good night, I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

 

 

 

He walked into her room with a dozen flowers in his arm. He stopped short to see the room empty. He went to the nurse’s station and asked her doctor. “Where is Commander Forrester?”

 

Doctor Wantanabe looked up from his charts confused. “She checked herself out early this morning. She said you were picking her up.”

 

“And you didn’t wait to see me pick her up?” Derek was starting to get agitated.

 

“She convinced me that you were waiting downstairs.”

 

Derek stared at him and then walked out leaving the flowers on the nurse’s desk. He drove home and looked to see if she came home. He searched all over their small apartment and realized she wasn’t there. He picked up the phone and dialed her number. It rang and rang until he gave up. Finally noticing the answering machine, he pressed the button and listen to her message. “Hi Derek, I guess you are back from the hospital. And of course you know I’m not there. Please don’t look for me. I need time and space. Please understand.” And the line went dead. She left and she wasn’t telling him where she was at. He needed to find her. He wasn’t about to give up on them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued . . . . . .